Crossed Over
by Ohara Pirate
Summary: Chapter 3, Naruto. Nothing but trouble can come from an offer to teach a bunch of ninjas but to Ranma, it was just another day.
1. Is this Heaven or Hell?

**Crossed Over**

**By Ohara Pirate**

**Chapter 1 – Is this Heaven or Hell?**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters who are originally from Ranma 1/2 or Ah! My Goddess… even if I could own them, I'd much rather prefer to just create my own characters that can rival them in every shape and form.

This is an independent oneshot, and its characters and storyline have nothing to do with the other chapters of 'Crossed Over.'

**Summary:** This is what happens when you get drunk in a strange, new town.

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><p>"characters talking"<p>

_'characters thinking'_

**flashback**

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><p>A young man with black hair tied into a pigtail dressed in dirty and torn Chinese clothing was stumbling down the streets of Nekomi. Anyone looking at him could tell he was plastered out of his mind, especially from the smell and the way he was going up to random bystanders yelling, it wasn't my fault Akane!<p>

Most people were quickly moving out of his way, although many of the girls seemed to be taking pictures of his muscular form and giggling amongst themselves. It wasn't often they came across beefcake like this, even if he was drunk as a skunk.

Saotome Ranma was not having a good day. It started out okay, at least by his usual standards. He woke up the same way, by being thrown into the koi pond by his lazy fatass father who really needed to get a dictionary and look up the word hypocrite. Oh, who was he kidding, the old man probably never even read a book in his life, just stupid scrolls and panda signs.

"Lousy stupid Oyaji…" Ranma muttered while he posed for a few pictures that a normal looking schoolgirl had the courage to ask for. He liked that, most girls nowadays either beat the living hell out of him or wanted him to marry them. All the normal girls tended to stay a good distance away from him because the psycho females in his life tended to be jealous very quickly, and they dealt with jealously with unmitigated violence. He found it pretty sad that the only girls who could deal with the insanity of his life were the ones that usually caused it.

Why couldn't the girls in his life be more like the normal ones but nope, they all had to suck! Ranma should have known it was a bad day when instead of a delicious Kasumi breakfast, he was forced to take down Akane's latest freaky creation. Her attempt at Chicken Pot Pie, never mind that it's normally not a breakfast dish… it had feathers in it, freakin' feathers. When Ranma questioned this, he just got the entire thing shoved down his throat and malleted away.

He could later confirm that Akane did indeed stick an entire chicken inside the pie, feathers intact, because he could actually taste the raw uncooked meat and organs still in it. A recipe that called for a whole chicken did not mean puitting a whole unplucked chicken into the dish!

Needless to say, Ranma was particularly late for school that morning. He swore that Akane's "pie" gave him hallucinations because he spent a good few hours having the most intelligent conversation of his life with Chickenfoot, Doraemon, Astro Boy, and his mom dressed up in a Totoro-costume. He actually would have gotten to school earlier, but he got depressed after realizing that that was the best conversation he ever had in his life, outside of talking with his real mom.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the other two "official" fiancées and one unofficial one were the reason why he was drunk as hell right now. He was suspicious right off the bat when all three of them came to him, together, after school. Only bad things happened when two or more of the fiancées worked together, at least to him it did. But the combination of 'Ran-chan,' 'Airen,' and 'Ranma-sama' was very overpowering, plus he didn't put up much of a fight with the pain from breakfast still coursing through his body. He thought it would be easier to just shut them up and eat their food, then try to argue or ignore them.

Ranma knew the okonomiyaki, ramen, and sushi might be traps, but honestly didn't care that much because for some odd reason he was absolutely starving at that time. It was strange considering that he spent most of the day lying around the nurse's office with a stomachache, trying to separate reality from some really weird illusions. He did not want to envision Hinako-sensei as part giraffe again for as long as he lived.

He thought the trio's food tasted pretty weird, much different from what he was used to, but he guessed that Ucchan and Shampoo probably used a new recipe. Kodachi's meal wasn't paralyzing him or causing any weird effects, so he took it in good faith that her food wasn't meant to harm him. He normally wouldn't have even looked at a meal made by the gymnast but he was hungry, and her food looked great!

The secret ingredients in the dishes began to take fruition shortly after he finished, and the world became a blurry, stumbly place. The girls took this time to throw their incredibly shaped bodies at him. He tried to resist, he honestly did because Ranma knew that if he responded to those three in any way, he would have only dire consequences to look forward to from either Akane or Nabiki.

Ranma tried a new method in calming the situation, but when his pathetic attempt at verbal diplomacy involved calling Akane, Chewbacca of all things, his uncute fiancée released all her aggravation out on him via the form of Mallet-sama.

She happened to be the very reason why Ranma was in Nekomi right now. Bet he was going to get blamed, by the fathers, for not going back to school to walk Akane home or something stupid like that. She managed to walk home all by herself for years before he came along, but now all of a sudden she needed a chaperone? Besides who was going to do anything against her anyway, it's not like she got kidnapped all… the… time…

Crap, Ranma really hoped she wasn't taken by a weirdo again. That would definitely harsh his mellow.

Ranma would never say this to anyone, even under threat of Happosai, but during that whole debacle of a wedding, he can say that his feelings for Akane reached a whole new level. She looked amazing in that dress of hers and they even had some nice moments alone, but after that passed, everything went back to the mallet-happy norm.

Hell, he'd dare say the situation back home got even worse. Whenever any of the other fiancées were nearby, Akane always felt the need to remind him of the fact that he said I love you to her, something he still didn't remember doing! Never leaving him alone, becoming even more jealous and possessive over him, if it was possible she began to yell at him even more than she did before.

He knew that they could never ever work as a couple, especially not a married one. Ranma could only see it ending very badly for him, in fact he had nightmares about it. She would kill him in a fit of jealously with Mallet-sama or through massive food poisoning, either method didn't really appeal to him.

Wow, being drunk made him pretty smart, no wonder people loved to get sloshed all the time. He never knew how liberating being under the effects of alcohol could be.

Actually, now that he thought about it with alcohol on the brain, screw everyone! Screw Nerima! Screw family honor! Oh shit, did he really just think that, yea he did! Screw honor! He was drunk in his happy place right now, walking around in a new city, and he was going to enjoy every little bit of freedom while he could.

Why couldn't there be nicer, normal people in his life like Kasumi. She was super nice, only Kasumi wasn't normal. Nope, she was a robot, she had to be. No wait, she was a medabot! That would be cool, watching her robattle with her perfect cheery smile attack that blinds everyone into submission.

Ranma gave a small chuckle at that. "Hehehe… robots are cool. I bet I'd be an awesome Gundam fighter. No, wait! An Evangelion, that'd be more awesomer."

Was awesomer even a word?

Ranma continued to move wherever it was his feet were leading him. He looked down at them curiously, "Hey you guys mind telling me where we're going?" After a few moments, he glared at their silence, "Fine, don't tell me. But there better be food or more alcohol."

Suddenly halting to a stop, despite his feet's insistence to keep walking, he backtracked to the window of a toy store he passed, to see a board game called Blame Ranma! The Game Where Nothing is Your Fault, and It's All His!

He stared blankly trying to wonder if it was another Ranma, but nope there was a picture of him running away from a mob of people native to Nerima. Leaning his forehead on the glass, mainly for support since he was wobbly, Ranma took a closer look to see that one Tendo Nabiki-sama was the sole proprietor of the game's creation.

Oh yea, now he remembered. Nabiki made a special limited edition board game of his life because the Ranma Fanclub had recently hit its 10,000th member. Stores charged 2,500 yen for the game, while each club member received a complementary game at only the low, low price of 1,000 yen with no tax.

Yay!

No, wait, that's not yay! That sucked, he didn't even get anything out of that gaming deal.

In fact, he remembered through his hazy memory that he had to work all last summer, going around to Ranma Fanclub members, signing autographs and taking pictures with gropey girls. Ranma didn't get anything out of that either, except for a hell of a lot more admirers who kept commenting that he looked even better in real life than he did in pictures and videos.

The entire world seemed to be against him, except for wonderful Kasumi who was a medabot, and someday they would enter the robattle tournament and win top prize and achieve world domination!

Ranma threw his arms into the air and shouted to the heavens, "One day we shall rule the world Kasumi-bot!"

After cheering the greatness of Kasumi a bit more, Ranma sighed depressingly and turned to talk to his reflection on the glass window, "The day started out so well too, with me waking up the usual way…"

Wait, didn't he say this already, he was pretty sure he did. Moving on, "After kicking Oyaji's ass yet another time, I went down to breakfast for some delicious medabot-made food. But noooo, what did I see instead of edible nummy-yummy food. A pie that had feathers in it, and I think it was laced with drugs or something. Because uncooked meat is not supposed to make you see stuff like I did this entire morning. Oh man, don't tell me that idiot gorilla thought the pot in Chicken Pot Pie was actually pot… Does she even know what marijuana is? Wait, how do I know what it is?"

Suddenly, a voice to the side interrupted his soulful conversation with the handsome guy in the window who looked suspiciously like himself. "Hey kid, hit the road. You're the scaring people who want to come into the club with your freaky talking to yourself."

Ranma looked at the big burly guy who looked pretty big, wait he said big already. Well, it deserved repeating, this guy was really big. He was wearing come cool sunglasses too, but why would he wear them at night? Did he want to go blind? Was this big guy even Japanese? Was he a wrestler like those guys who wore panties and thongs on television?

He'd only ever seen American Wrestling, fake as it was due to Kasumi liking it so much, and he liked hanging out with Kasumi. Plus, he had to admit it was fun to watch; nothing more entertaining than several people beating each other up even if they liked to wear panties.

Ranma would have contemplated the size of the big guy some more, if the most important question in the world wasn't on the tip of his tongue, "What's a club? Are you talking about a sandwich? Who would want to go into a sandwich?" Alright, it was the three most important questions in the world.

"Can I have a sandwich?" Make that four.

The big, big guy looked at him with an expression reminding him of Nabiki, making Ranma instantly not like him despite the fact that he was still curious about what the man ate to grow that big.

Wrestler-dude, Ranma privately dubbed him the Undertaker, simply shook his head in exasperation while muttering about stupid drunk kids. "A club is a respectful establishment for mature individuals who wish to partake in exquisite beverages and enjoy tasteful entertainment. Only those of the utmost maturity and proper age can enter."

This comment would have held more merit if at that very moment, he didn't open the door to let out an obviously drunk salary man with a necktie wrapped around his head, who was groping an equally drunk giggling middle-aged woman who looked like she was wearing lingerie rather than public clothing; lingerie a few sizes too small. Ranma and wrestler-dude stared at the sad, drunken spectacle for a while.

Finally, Ranma turned his attention back to wrestler-dude Kevin Nash with a raised eyebrow and sarcastically mumbled, "Mature people huh?"

Wrestler-dude, whose occupation was really a bouncer, simply looked back with a neutral expression although a small twitch of the face could be seen. "Hey, I said they enter that way, never said they left with that same maturity."

Ranma looked defiantly at Akane's obvious birth father, since both strongly resembled gorillas. "Move aside then King Kong Bundy, I'm mature enough to enter," Yet another comment that would have had more merit if he wasn't swaying back and forth, and didn't look like he was going to puke.

"Look kid, doesn't matter how mature you are, you're still too young," Wrestler-dude tried to gentle rebuke him. But he didn't realize that he made multiple mistakes when dealing with Nerima's premiere fighter. Ranma didn't like being called kid, he didn't like being told he couldn't do anything, and he certainly did not like a stranger touching him like the big guy was currently doing, gently gripping his shoulders and trying to lead him away.

Suddenly, a sharp cry of pain was heard from the large individual and it was a strange sight to be sure for anyone passing by. A teenager, despite obviously being in great shape if the muscles were any indication, was clamped onto the hands of an incredibly huge and buff man with such strength that his it looked like the older man's fingers were going to pop. The size difference between these two was so much that it seemed strange that their situation wasn't reversed; instead the teen looked like he was going to put the man in the hospital.

Ranma sighed, feeling the buzz in his head slowly dissipate due to frustration and anger. It was depressing since he really liked the buzz, he had to get it back. "Look here, Mr. The Rock, I don't really want to hurt you. So here's an idea, how about you and I go into the club together and you can keep an eye on me to make sure I'm being mature enough." As Ranma was leading himself and his new friend towards the door, it suddenly blew open as a bald man just as big as wrestler-dude was thrown out of the club.

Ranma compared the big guy whose hands he was gripping very tightly and the knocked-out big guy who looked like he was trampled on by a wild animal, and came to the only conclusion that could possibly be true. He turned to the bouncer-dude, looking like he just solved the world's greatest puzzle, "Hey Shawn Michaels, wait you're bigger than him. Hey Triple H, I didn't know you had a brother. I shall call him Stone Cold Steve Austin because he's bald."

With that very important fact out of the way, Ranma continued to forcibly lead his new friend into the club. Once inside, he saw that the person responsible for throwing the bald man out the door was in fact a gorgeous, curvy blonde woman with beautiful pale skin that seemed to glow among the club lights. All in all, nothing too special as his life was filled with women just as beautiful as her. Ranma would have ignored the woman completely, if it wasn't for the fact that she was standing on the bar table, yelling out profanities and demanding more alcohol while lifting two bouncers over her head, choking them in each hand.

"Damn you Belldandy! Damn you to hell! That teapot was supposed to be perfect! Because of you, Hild-sama's angry at me now! I'll get you for this, and your sisters too, and Keiichi!"

"Okay new deal here, Bret Hart," Ranma stated calmly as he turned back to the original wrestler-dude, his new best friend in the whole world, "You let me stay and I'll get rid of her. Got it?" Before he could get an answer, Ranma quickly ducked down to avoid the two men who the blonde menace randomly threw in his direction. Unfortunately he forgot to take wrestler-dude down with him, so the two bodies smashed into the poor bouncer and all three violently went out the window.

Straightening up and shaking the glass out of his hair, Ranma blink-blinked in confusion when he didn't see his newest friend anymore. He shrugged, not really caring and quietly mumbled, "I guess that's a yes."

Getting closer to the female hurricane of destruction, he noticed some strange things about her. There were weird markings on her face, specifically on her forehead and cheekbones. On her forehead were two lines going straight down, making it look like she was glaring all the time which Ranma found funny. Wait, that wasn't funny at all. "Need more alcohol so stupid shit seems funny again," he shook his head lightly hoping to get the alcohol in his system flowing again. Back to the weird chick, the markings on her cheekbones resembled two triangles put together. Staring very intently, he decided even in his now lightly drunk state, there was nothing funny about triangles.

As if a woman who would tattoo her face wasn't weird enough, she was dressed like someone… who was dressed very weirdly. He couldn't explain it any other way, she was dressed in the oddest clothing he's ever seen and he's seen that Disney movie Aladdin! Of course, it was with Kasumi.

Sighing once more at the thought of the beautiful medabot, he adoringly thought, _'Soon Kasumi, very soon we'll get the recognition we deserve in the Pokémon world!'_

He shook away all thoughts of Kasumi's and his future as Pokémon-Medabot leaders, at least for the time being. He immediately took note of the most important fact that his drunken blurry mind could think of as he stared at the blonde.

Her boobs!

Her breasts were so average, at least compared to most of the women he knew, including his girl-form. Ranma heard rumors and stories that most Gaijin women had huge gigantic breasts, yet hers were a B-cup at best. Hell, the only woman he personally knew with boobs smaller were Akane, something he made constant mention of, which would explain why he endured so much pain in his life.

_'If only I'd watch my mouth and speak before I think, maybe I wouldn't get hit so often…. Huh, figures I'd be getting epiphanies while I'm hammered,'_ Ranma would have thought longer on this new fountain of knowledge he was getting from the scarcely used part of his brain, except he was still stunned at his entire world collapsing around. _'Everything I've known in my life is a life!'_

"DAMMIT, WHY ARE YOUR BOOBS SO SMALL BLONDIE!"

The entire club's activities came to a screeching halt as everyone turned their attention away from the blonde destroyer to the soon-to-be-dead idiot who insulted the blonde destroyer.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY, SHITHEAD?" The blonde woman shrieked in rage as she hopped off the bar and stomped towards the obviously brain-dead mortal. She was already pissed at her ruined day, all because of little miss perfect goddess, beating this dumbass down was the perfect way to release some stress.

"Do you have any fucking clue who you just insulted here, skinbag?" She threatened, rolling up her sleeves to fry the idiot into dust. Although she had to admit, he was pretty easy on the eyes, too bad he had to die horribly for insulting her perfect breasts. Her overactive imagination was focused so hard on the number of bloody, gruesome deaths she could inflict on the insufferably handsome boy that she didn't notice that her target completely ignored her and simply went to sit at the bar.

"Hey, can I get something, anything really strong that'll help me get really badly drunk? Make it two actually." At hearing his voice behind her, she turned back to see the pigtailed jerk sitting down slouched over, casually eating some cashews.

What made it even more infuriating was the fact that he seemed to be purposely making eye contact with her and smirking cutely. She sneered, getting even more pissed off, this show of disrespect was basically saying hah, you suck girly, didn't even notice that I walked right past ya.

Actually he was saying that right now. "Hah, you suck girly, didn't even notice that I walked right past ya."

She could honestly say that she detested this boy right now, or at least she would have said it if he wasn't holding a shot of alcohol for her to take. She sat down and of course, took it down without hesitation and purred at feeling that familiar burn going down her throat.

Blushing at the sight of her nearly writhing in pleasure, Ranma quickly downed his own shot and promptly began to choke causing the blonde to laugh hysterically. "Holy crap, my throat's burnin'. What the hell is this?" He asked the bartender who looked at him with worry in his eyes because he was still coughing rather harshly. Ranma couldn't help it, it was really strong.

"It's an American alcohol called Bacardi 151, umm… sir?" The bartender said the last part with a bit of hesitation because Ranma didn't look any older than his youngest child. Only reason he even gave the kid a drink was he didn't want to deny the soon-to-be-dead boy's last wishes. "You said you wanted strong, strongest we've got is that there rum."

Blinking a little bit, that buzz Ranma was feeling earlier in the day came back with a vengeance and apparently it brought a lot of friends. He sighed happily as the world became just a little bit happier for him. He signaled for the bartender, "Wow… can I get another of these then? One more for my uhh… blondie here too, I guess."

Ranma turned to his female companion who still looked like she was going to murder him despite appreciating the drink given to her and the good laugh too.

"Look here Blondie…"

"My name's Mara, ya dumb meatsack. Mara, 1st Class Unlimited Demon of Niflheim! Greatest of Hild-sama's Generals! Nobody's better than me!" By the end of her introduction, she was standing with one foot on the bar, laughing like a lunatic.

Ranma aimlessly nodded in understanding or maybe it was for the bartender who finally got them their second shot.

"Okay then. Look here Mara, greatest of Nagoya…" Ignoring her harsh cry of Niflheim, "Whatever, we can either fight it out, with you probably losing. Very badly, by the way… or I could lose, yea that's a possibility too." Ranma hastily inserted after seeing her eyes begin to glow red, which he found pretty cool and a little unnerving.

It was one thing to see a female emit a big bright aura of self-righteous feminine fury, but he never met one whose eyes could glow like that. He continued as if he wasn't interrupted by a scary chick with glowing eyes, "We could fight or we can just drink more booze, and get absolutely hammered. Your choice blondie, I mean… Mara."

Mara contemplated the decision for a moment, as she downed her shot, watching in the corner of her eye Ranma drink his too. Only this time without the choking, much to her displeasure. As the bartender refilled their third shot which she quickly took down both, much to her drinking partner's loud chagrin.

_'Drink or fight, why choose?'_ Mara thought mischievously.

"You want to know what my choice is…" She quickly kicked out her leg, aiming for his head but Ranma managed to narrowly avoid the attack at the last second by swiftly hopping forward and twisting his body to land, sitting down on the bar table. Normally, he wouldn't dare hit back since his opponent was a girl and due to his chauvinistic upbringing, considered most girls to be weaker than him and he hated fighting people weaker than him. '_Chauvinistic, wow I really am smarter when I'm drunk,'_ Ranma thought with a smile and a bit of irony. _'Hey, irony too, when did I learn these words? Weird.'_

Unfortunately, due to the alcohol in his system, his judgment was severely hampered and his body's reaction was to strike back to such an assault, which he did by grabbing onto Mara's extended shapely leg with one arm and punching her across the face with the other.

His eyes widening in shock, he immediately dropped the leg that was being held. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do that! Please be okay!" Ranma hastily yelled out in horror at seeing what he did, apologizing with even more force after noticing that her lips were bleeding. He choked down any more words of remorse after seeing her slowly lick the blood off her lips and grin in delight.

She let out a sharp roar of laughter and called for the bartender to give them some more shots. "Actually made me bleed… son of a bitch, and here I thought you were another big headed mortal with too much mouth." Mara looked at Ranma with jaded eyes and newly found appreciation before downing her shot and nodding for him to do the same. Something he did very carefully and slowly, without ever taking his eyes off her.

The moment Ranma finished his drink, Mara instantly threw her shot glass at his head, forcing him to avoid by ducking. This time, she anticipated the move and leapt forward to meet his face with knee. As he was propelled backwards, she grabbed onto his ankle, spun around several times, and used the extra momentum to fling him across the club.

The sea of people screamed in panic as they all rushed to avoid the thrown martial artist and random debris. Ranma violently crashed into several tables, chairs, and finally slammed straight through the wall, his limp body falling to the floor.

Mara felt a genuine laugh bubbling up inside of her at feeling the fear and panic exude off the scared mortals as they all ran out of the club, and of course at the sight of Ranma still lying on the ground. She knew that wasn't it for him, anyone strong enough to make her bleed could take a hell of a lot more than that.

Letting out one more whoop, she yelled out joyously, "Hey handsome, why don't we make this a game? Whoever gets a point buys the two of us a new round; a point's gonna be awarded to whoever knocks the other off their feet. Already gave you the first one for free, but this round's on you pretty boy! Unless of course, that little throw knocked too much wind out of ya!"

That shit-eating grin she's been wearing since Ranma first hit her, only got wider at seeing her attractive opponent get up with zero effort and looking uninjured at all. As he reached the bar, he indicated for the bartender to pour them another shot, which they both downed easily without taking their eyes off each other.

"Okay then, one round on you and one on me right?" Mara nodded in affirmation with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Alright then blondie, I'm takin' a wild guess here and sayin' you ain't a normal girl are ya?" This adrenaline was quickly metabolizing the alcohol out of his system, letting him think a bit more clearly. Ranma held up his right hand and wiggled his fingers, "I can count on one hand the amount of girls who can do that and still have some fingers left over. So get ready cause there'll be no holdin' back from me now."

Mara simply smirked before lashing out with a wicked right hook, something that Ranma easily avoided by spinning with the motion of the punch and countering with a spin-kick which was blocked with a high-kick of her own.

Ranma smirked, "This should be fun."

What happened afterwards was an impressive array of martial arts technique and high level skill. Punches met with punches, kicks for kicks, blocking, dodging, spinning, and lots of flipping. It was like watching the greatest martial arts film with perfect choreography, only with a lot more collateral damage since their strikes were strong enough to easily break concrete.

During this time, they were each taking long swigs of whatever bottle of liquor they could grab since this fight was causing their bodies to burn the alcohol away faster than they could get drunk.

"Look, I never turn down a fight and all, but I was hoping we'd just drink and get sloshed."

"That's just what we're doing cutie, in a much more fun fashion."

"But come on, this is harshing my buzz."

"Quit your bitchin', here!" Taking the half-empty bottle of whiskey she had in her hand, Mara shoved it into Ranma's mouth and let out an uppercut hoping to get him while he was drinking. Somehow, he managed to bend his body to the side at an impossible angle and retaliated by throwing the now empty bottle at her head which she dodged, and she almost got tripped with a low spin-kick.

Ranma might have been impressed with her fighting skills, but Mara was definitely impressed with his drinking skills. Despite the adrenaline causing him to become more alert, his body's reaction time should have become a lot more sluggish, especially with the amount of booze they've been consuming during their little foreplay action. But nope, if anything he was actually getting sharper and more precise with his attacks.

Yup, Mara felt like she hit the motherload here.

After a few minutes elapsed, the fight started to get really boring for her, especially as neither mortal nor demoness could get the upper hand. While fancy punches and kicks were fun and all, Mara hated straight up fighting because it was so boring! Where were all the explosions and pretty lights? While she enjoyed two beefcakes getting it on, beating the shit out of each other with sweat dripping down their muscular bodies; she absolutely hated doing it herself, she loved blowing shit up.

With that in mind, she immediately kicked the fight up a notch by summoning up a fireball in her hand and letting it loose after moving back to dodge an elbow strike. Mara retained enough common sense even in her slightly drunken state to realize that she couldn't use full power, even on a special mortal like Ranma, but the fireball still packed a decent amount of oomph to it. She watched with a satisfied grin as her magic attack connected with her target and sent him flying back once more, causing some actual pain if his moaning was any sign.

"What's wrong there honey, I hope I didn't hurt you too badly there lover?" She mocked cruelly while inwardly clapping in joy at seeing her new toy getting back up once more. "Whoa," Mara was shocked to see that her attack barely did anything outside of destroying his shirt and slight surface damage, _'This boy just keeps getting more and more delicious.'_

"Ugh… I ain't your lover, lady. Shit, it's two on me now," Ranma groaned, lightly clutching his stomach where the fireball attack hit. It didn't burn any flesh off but it did scorch some skin, probably going to leave a scar, not to mention it seriously hurt too. He might have been hit with worse in his lifetime like Ryoga's Perfect Shishi Hokadan, but that didn't mean fire didn't hurt like a bitch!

Ranma knocked on the bar table to the bartender, who was still bravely in the club watching these two monster beat the crap out of each other.

After downing his shot and closely watching Mara finish hers, Ranma flipped backwards and kicked the empty glass out of her hands. As Ranma landed on his feet and straightened up, he could see that she was distracted by watching the glass still in midair and he took this opening to rush forward with his own special technique.

"Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!"

Letting out hundreds of punches in the span of a single second, Ranma easily overwhelmed the defensives of the distracted demoness, and sent her sailing into several tables near the entrance. This process was done so quickly by Ranma, that by the time the final punch landed, he quickly positioned his hand to the side to gently catch the shot glass that he kicked up moments ago, before it smashed onto the bar table. The bartender was so impressed by this that he had to clap in awe at seeing this boy perform such a jaw-dropping move.

Mara couldn't believe the treasure trove she came upon by accident, this boy was simply beyond her wildest dreams. She was caught completely unprepared at seeing the mortal male pull out a hat trick of his own, especially one as impressive as that. Hell, she didn't even know that mere mortals were capable of moves like that!

Even though she was on the cold dirty floor and slightly hurting, Mara couldn't help but wonder what Hild-sama would think of this guy. Maybe if she introduced the two, her boss wouldn't be as angry with her for messing up so much when it came to the Goddesses, especially with her latest failure involving the teapot. Hild-sama always did love interesting things, and this boy was as interesting as they came plus he was seriously cute to boot.

With that encouraging thought in mind, Mara slowly got up and wiped her clothes of any debris. "Alright lover boy, that was a pretty cool trick, let's see what else you can do." Raising her head, she was surprised to see that the boy she was having so much fun with had apparently ditched her.

"Where the hell did he go?" Mara furiously demanded from the bartender, picking him up and glaring at him with glowing red eyes. He quickly explained that while she was on the ground, Ranma had looked at the clock on the wall, realized the time and disappeared into the night while carrying a bottle of vodka.

She cursed out loud and teleported to the rooftops in hopes of re-finding her best chance of getting out of Hell's doghouse and back into Hild-sama's good graces.

Although Mara wouldn't admit it, she was a little saddened that he left without at least saying goodbye.

The bartender looked around his ruined club and prayed that his insurance covered destruction of this magnitude. He sighed despairingly and let out a few crocodile tears, "This was the whole reason why I moved from Juuban to Nekomi. I thought I was going to leave this kind of violent, senseless destruction behind!"

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><p>Ranma looked regrettably at the empty bottle of vodka he just finished off, and turned to the direction of the bar he just left. It was so weird, he got drunk fairly quickly but at the moment never seemed to stay in that drunken state for too long.<p>

"Maybe it's the blood flowing from adrenaline. I wonder if I can go back for another bottle," Ranma shook his head, knowing that if he didn't get his ass back to Nerima, everyone from their grandparents to dead pets was going to be after him pretty soon.

He was already pushing his luck. He's never been gone for this long before without running into somebody he knew from Nerima.

As Ranma jumped off to the next rooftop, a sudden burst of fire scorched the spot he was standing on before. Landing in panic, thinking that Nerima-ites had finally found him, he looked up in surprise to see Mara, his all-time favorite and only drinking partner glaring at him with such ferocity that he could have sworn they were engaged.

Oddest thing was that she seemed to be floating in the air, which was something he definitely wanted to learn. But he didn't think she was willing to teach him at the moment…

Lightly landing on the same rooftop as him, Mara harshly purred out, "Where are you going honey? If you didn't like the foreplay, we could have just gone straight to the main event!"

…Nope, she wasn't going to teach him at all.

With an angry cry, Mara let out several bolts of lightning that had Ranma scrambling for cover before he fired back with a blast of his own.

"Moko Takabisha!"

Mara's eyebrows raised in shock at the sight of the mortal channeling life energy; ki, chi, chakra, whatever those silly humans called it. Although, the end result was not what she was expecting… A tiny blast the size of a handball was fired towards the blonde bombshell, who brushed it away with a careless slap like it was a housefly. Mara started cracking up at the pathetic move, "Are you kidding me? Oh sweetie, maybe I misjudged you if that's the best you could do!"

Unfortunately for Ranma, the blast was so weak and small due to the fact that he wasn't feeling very confident fighting against a woman who had moves he'd never seen before, well fire was a common thing in his life but the lightning and flying, that was actually new. Well the flying wasn't new either , but Mara didn't have wings as far as he could see.

Not even Happosai or Cologne-Obaba could shoot out lightning or fly, or at least he didn't think they could. He had to ask Obaba later, if he managed to survive this encounter first.

"Fuck baby, I can do more damage than that with my tongue. Wanna see?" Mara demonstrated by sticking out her tongue, then wriggling and twisting it towards Ranma causing him to blush.

"Umm… maybe later," He squeaked out.

Shaking his head of inappropriate images, Ranma hurled himself to Mara's general direction, while doing his best to dodge the lightning bolts and fireballs hurled at him. He took cover again after failing to close the distance between himself and the enraged woman, so he settled for asking a few questions instead.

Ranma was rather curious after all, "Hey, ya related to the Phoenix Tribe by any chance?"

"Those birdbrains? You should be that lucky, lover. I'm much, much, MUCH stronger than them including their so-called God, Safflower? Safford? Whatever the hell his name is. Although I have to admit, that one could probably put up a decent fight."

Oh wow, she was talking about his greatest adversary to date like he was a novice. Ranma knew that he was pretty screwed if that were true.

"Really before ya roast me, ya mind tellin' me how ya got to be so powerful? Ya shoot lightning and fire, and ya can fly! Even with the shit I've seen in my life, that's pretty cool. Hey, you ever been to Jusenkyo?"

"I told you before cutie. Do I need to reintroduce myself again?" Mara sighed exasperatedly before teleporting in front of Ranma, much to his shock and surprise. Holy fuck, she could teleport too… This casual display of power only showed that while she was pissed off at him, Mara still considered this foreplay and was holding back quite a lot.

_'I am a little out of my league here, aren't I?'_ The recent year, especially after the fights against Herb and Saffron, had Ranma mature enough to recognize that the beautiful woman before him was somebody who had more power in her dainty hands than his whole body.

Ranma knew for sure, that he had more skill than her in terms of fighting prowess. She had good moves but left a lot of openings for him to exploit. He might triumph over her in strength and speed, but couldn't be too sure since he didn't really know just how strong or fast she really was, or if she could augment those traits with ki like he could.

The only reason why Ranma wasn't trying a speed-blitz was because he wasn't sure if he could take her out with just physical moves. He was absolutely confident that he could overwhelm her with his lightning fast skills. There were only a handful of people on the planet who could match his overall speed, a fact he took great pride in. But he wasn't sure if she could just shrug off his hits, and he didn't want to risk running out of stamina in an endurance contest. Mara may not look tough but then again neither did a lot of people he fought and they proved to be a challenge at one point in his life or another.

Hell, Happosai and Cologne-Obaba were probably the two toughest fighters he knew and they looked like demented gnomes.

The other thing that he could easily see though, was that her special techniques and raw power greatly outclassed his. _'By my count, she shot out at least 37 bolts of lightning and around 18, 19 fireballs?'_ Ranma couldn't be sure, but each of her attacks seemed to do devastating damage, about as strong as his Moko Takabisha or Ryoga's Shishi Hokodan.

'_She's not even winded, if anything I'm more tired than her from being forced to dodge so much,'_ Ranma knew that if either he or Ryoga shot out that many energy blasts, they would at least be breathing a little hard.

But look at her! Mara was just standing in front of him, all sexy and beautiful, casually checking her nails!

_'Sexy and beautiful…?'_ Ranma blamed that sudden thought at the remnants of the alcohol.

If his Moko Takabisha wasn't working for him right now, then the only other high-level moves in his arsenal were the Kijin Raishu Dan and Hiryu Shoten Ha, but he didn't want to risk exposing those particular techniques until he saw what else Mara could do.

Ranma knew for sure that Hiryu Shoten Ha was out anyway, he wasn't about to reveal his biggest trump card unless absolutely necessary. Besides, if she was capable of countering the move like Herb or simply overpowering it like Saffron, then he might as well just shoot himself in both feet right now.

Ranma snapped out of his mental thoughts when Mara gently grasped both his hands and brought them to her lips to slowly kiss his fingers, digit by digit. He stuttered nervously as she brought his hands to her face and seemed to take her time enjoying the feel of them on her cheeks.

Hugging his body tightly to hers, Mara smiled sexily, "My name is Mara, 1st Class Unlimited Demon of Niflheim. You'd probably know it as Hell though."

"Wait, you're really a demon? And you're from Hell?" This news shook Ranma so badly that he didn't even try to escape her bear hug, even though it felt nice. He hadn't been hugged like this for a long time without somebody proclaiming all hell and war on him.

"I told you all this before, lover. What? Did you think I was lying or something?"

"No, I thought you were just stone cold drunk. I mean, come on, you were throwin' wrestlers around the place and cursin' out Bells of all things!"

A sure sign that he said something wrong was when her hug suddenly got tighter and tighter around his waist. It felt like she was trying to snap him in half. Ranma gulped nervously as Mara closed her eyes and gritted her teeth so tightly he was surprised that they didn't crack.

"Belldandy!" She seethed out with such hatred, that it made what he and his rivals had seem like love and brotherhood.

Lightning bolts suddenly fell from the sky to strike several areas around the two of them, forcing Ranma to strongly rip out of Mara's hug and swiftly move away to avoid getting electrocuted. In the blink of an eye, he managed to maneuver himself a couple of rooftops away from the supernova female, and was currently watching with a stunned expression as she channeled more power than anything he'd ever seen before.

"I hate Belldandy. I hate Keiichi. I hate all of them. Especially URD~~~!" She roared that name causing an incredibly powerful surge of lightning to emit from her body, destroying a good portion of the rooftop and striking the power poles below them. This caused a power surge that blacked out the entire neighborhood around them, actually from what he could see, the entire city of Nekomi seemed to be affected.

After it appeared safe, Ranma carefully leapt back onto what was left of the rooftop. From his view point, via moonlight since all the lights were darkened thanks to the blackout, he could see that Mara still seemed to be glaring, but now had a few tears flowing down her cheeks. Despite being slightly leery of her, he still felt the overwhelming urge to console her. He never could stand to see women cry, especially one that he was growing used to having around and was an awesome drinking partner.

Ranma warily approached Mara, taking one step at a time, worried that she might go nuts and let loose another lightning bomb. "Hey, Mara, you okay…?" He didn't know why he was surprised when she pulled him into a hug, and just tentatively hugged her back as she cried on his shoulder.

He jumped when she lightly kissed him on the crook of his neck, and got ready to bolt when she softly whispered, "You run. I chase. And when I catch you, and I will, I'll make what I did just now seem like a wet firecracker."

After a few moments of awkward silence and her kissing random spots of his face and neck, Mara finally spoke. "Damn lover, you smell good for someone who just drank a shitload of booze and fought a demoness," Ranma chuckled tensely at the remark and got even more uncomfortable as she started to nuzzle his neck and grind her body against his, but he honestly didn't want to do anything to set her off again. An angry female usually led to a badly hurt Ranma.

Ranma wasn't sure if it was the right moment to speak but he really wanted Mara to let go already. "So need an ear to talk to?" He jumped again when she chose that moment to gentle nibble and lick his earlobe.

"Rather do other things with your ear, cutie." Mara lazily sighed before finally releasing him, glaring at Ranma as he sighed in relief.

Mara turned around and stretched out her arms. "Sorry about that babe, just needed let out some pent-up stress, I guess."

Ranma nodded and looked around, wondering what else he could do now, other than just leave for home. But he stayed put, just in case Mara needed him. He didn't want to leave only to find out the next day that she went on a massive killing spree to deal with her stress. Something he was always afraid that Akane was going to do if he ever left Nerima.

As Ranma was busy contemplating what he would say to the police if/when Akane was arrested for murder, Mara started to speak again, making direct eye contact with him. "I had a childhood friend named Urd, we were actually best friends, almost like sisters. We did a lot of things together and shared stuff too, I always thought we were going to be together forever and shit."

Mara walked forward to claim her previous position, hugging him tightly and to Ranma's credit, he didn't try to run but simply held her back. "We didn't remain friends though. She decided to move far, far away to a place that I could never go to. Urd tried to explain it to me, saying all this bullshit nonsense about wanting to become a different person, finding her true destiny, blah, blah, blah. All I know is that she betrayed me, lied to me, and left me all alone… We were having so much fun, and in the span of a single day, she decided to just up and leave everything behind. Bitch."

Ranma could relate to that. Feelings of betrayal, of everyone leaving you…

Mara lifted her head, and Ranma could see that she once again had tears coming down. "Just like you, we were having so much fun and you just decided to leave without even telling me," He winced as she lightly bit the side of his neck.

"Don't do it again, handsome." What could he say to that? When looking at the face of a crying woman, who in the span of a single night made such a huge impact on his life. He simply nodded.

"Answer me this," Mara lightly kissed him on the lips causing him to freeze in shock. Ranma prayed it wasn't a marriage proposal.

"If I had the power to grant you a single wish, would you take it?"

Ranma blink-blinked, out of all the things she could have asked, that was not one of questions he didn't anticipate. He honestly didn't know what to say, it was a really odd request. "Ummm… I guess? Yes?"

He knew he made the wrong response when she suddenly jumped out of his arms and started to laugh manically. As she was jumping up and down, hollering in victory, a bottle slipped out of her pocket and rolled towards him.

Picking it up, Ranma could see that it was a bottle of eye drops…

He facefaulted painfully at this revelation.

…He just got played!

"What the fuck, Mara?" Ranma was shocked when Mara decided to jump back into his arms and this time gave him a deep, long kiss that felt like she violating his throat. Strangely, he didn't feel the need to violently push her back, like he did whenever Shampoo or Kodachi did that.

Mara threw her head back, cackling joyously. "I'm so sorry lover, I just needed you to say yes to wanting a wish. Now, Hild-sama won't fry my ass! Oh, thank all that's bad and naughty for gullible, sweet humans like you, handsome." He started to growl, but instead yelped as she groped his butt and pulled him in for another kiss. This time with tongue, lots and lots of tongue.

Pushing her back in irritation, he angrily said, "Was anything about that story even true?" Only immediate response he got was a lip-lock.

After a few minutes, she pulled back to let him suck in some air, which he did quite heavily. Mara kept hugging him while placing her hands on whatever naughty place she could touch, giggling perversely.

"Yea, all that shit about Urd was true. But I dealt with all that emo-crap years ago. Who do you think I am? Does it look like my last name is Uchiha?"

"I don't know what your last name is!"

"Well, it certainly wouldn't be Uchiha. If anything, it'll be Sarutobi because I'm kickass like that!"

"Why the hell are we talkin' about 'Naruto' of all things?"

"I don't know. You're the one who brought it up, lover."

"No, I didn't!"

"Whatever…" This was the last thing Mara said before she kissed Ranma yet another time, but this time surprising him with a soft and gentle kiss.

Ranma was really confused at the sudden change of pace, and not for the first time since this night began, was wondering why he didn't just leave? Hugging the blonde woman tightly, Ranma was really hoping the answer to that question, wasn't the one that just popped into his head. It couldn't be, he just met her for god's sake…

Mara let go of his lips with a satisfied sigh, "Thanks though honey, I may have gotten over Urd a long time ago but it still felt nice to say all that to someone other than myself."

"Umm… you're welcome?" He would never understand women.

"Hey, I just realized that I never got your name. While I'm enjoying calling you pet names, like lover, honey, cutie, baby, handsome, etc, etc, etc. I'd like to get the name of the man I'm planning to sex up…"

"It's Saotome Ran… wait, what was that last part?"

"Holy fuck me, you're Saotome Ranma? You're on the Watch List!"

"The What-list?"

Mara didn't really answer because she was too busy playing tonsil-hockey. Moaning appreciatively at Mara's skill, Ranma wondered what else could happen tonight, and just then it started to rain…

_'I swear, this is not my fault!'_

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Author's Comments (R&R)

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Wow, here we go. As I was writing up the third chapter for my Ranma/One Piece fusion, "Ohara Devils," this particular idea demanded me to write it.

Chapter 3 of Ohara Devils is also well on its way, just trying to work out the sequence of events since I'm trying new stuff.

Anyway, this particular story will be a series of oneshots of Ranma crossed over with whatever anime series I can think of. Hence the name, "Crossed Over."

I also like to apologize for the incoherent and random rambling going on in the first several paragraphs. I was trying to write it as if I was drunk, sadly I was not, with Ranma constantly changing the subject and bringing up weird stuff. Like Kasumi as a medabot, I don't know how I came upon that idea but I just went with it. I don't know about you guys, but from personal experience drunk people make absolutely no sense.

Before any of you say it, I know it's lame that I brought wrestling into it too but I had no other way to describe bouncers other than looking like wrestlers. And once I brought up wrestling, I had to mention a few of my favorite wrestlers from the old WWF days.

As side note, this chapter was originally supposed to be a Ranma & Hild matchup with hints of harem due to Ranma's big mouth. But as I kept writing and writing more, it just turned into a Ranma & Mara match instead. I actually don't mind cause I love how this story ended up.

I am planning on making a Ranma/AMG story in the future but I honestly don't know much about the Goddess universe other than the characters and some stories in the manga so it might be a while. In fact, this chapter is the original blueprint for the full AMG cross. I'm planning on using the plot and several things I've mentioned in this chapter, such as the 'Watch List' which I'll explain in detail if I ever get around to writing the story.

I actually hate it when Ranma is declared almighty greatest warrior so in this chapter, I made it so that Mara had the upper hand in terms of special techniques and energy, while Ranma had the upper hand in martial arts skills, physical strength, and speed.

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The next chapter for this story is actually one of my personal favorites because of how Ranma meets the protagonists. I'll try to make it funny, but no bets because my sense of humor seems to suck on paper. As a sneak peek, here's the title of chapter 2.

"The Gender Card?"

Here's a hint to what series I've crossed it with, this anime/manga is a very popular CLAMP series.


	2. The Jusenkyo Card

**Crossed Over **

**By Ohara Pirate**

**Chapter 2 – The Jusenkyo Card?**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters who are originally from Ranma ½, Cardcaptor Sakura, or xxxHolic… even if I could own them, I'd much rather prefer to just create my own characters that can rival them in every shape and form.

This is an independent oneshot, and its characters and storyline have nothing to do with the other chapters of 'Crossed Over.'

**Summary:** More chaos is unleashed as a new kind of magic comes to Nerima.

* * *

><p>"characters talking"<p>

'_characters thinking'_

**flashback**

* * *

><p>"…then she started hitting me with a plastic stick, yelling out 'Pig Card, Return!' Can you believe it? Oi, are you listening to me?"<p>

Saotome Ranma focused his eyes back to the world and looked up at his friend/rival Hibiki Ryoga standing over him, looking an odd combination of panicked and angry. He wondered how pig-boy found him at the vacant lot on the outskirts of Nerima, but soon gave up on that train of thought, wondering how Ryoga got anywhere just gave him headaches.

"Oi, P-chan, when did you get here?"

Several anger marks appeared on Ryoga's face as he realized the person he was complaining to had been ignoring him all this time. "Ranma! How dare you not pay attention while I'm telling you my sad tale! DIE!" He swung his heavy umbrella downward to turn his hated foe into meat paste. Unfortunately for him, the pigtailed one saw this easily and casually avoided it by springing upwards and flipping over his head.

Ryoga quickly turned around to attack, but before the weapon could be swung again, he was forced to a stop when a foot appeared an inch from his nose.

Ranma yawned and stretched his arms over his head, all the while still holding his leg up. Taking a deep breath, he finally put his leg down, and put his hands on Ryoga's shoulders before putting on a big grin. This made the lost boy somewhat nervous and he cautiously asked, "Umm… what's wrong with you?" The response given was surprising as Ranma suddenly landed a strong uppercut across his jaw before spin-kicking him into a giant tree, which splintered in half like it was a toothpick.

"Sorry about that P-chan, didn't know you were going to stop by for another ass whuppin'. Surprised to see ya so soon actually, you were just in Nerima yesterday. Half expected ya to be in Hokkaido by now." Ranma mocked the directionally challenged fighter.

Ryoga immediately shot up growling and reached for his bandanas. The transgender martial artist was forced to swiftly jump up to prevent the razor-sharp weapons from slicing and dicing him. Still in mid-air, Ranma bent over backwards to avoid getting hit by the broken tree that was also tossed at him. As the giant piece of wood passed over him, Ranma grabbed one of its stronger branches then spun his body around to throw the tree back at pig-boy, who simply blew it apart with a well placed Bakusai Tenketsu.

Roaring in anger, Ryoga charged at him with a ferocity that resembled an enraged Elephant. "You bastard! I come here for help and this is what I get. Prepare to d…" His usual threat was interrupted as Ranma slid into his feet, causing him to fall over and implanting his face into the concrete.

Ranma got back up, brushing off his pants seat of any dirt. "Oi, if you wanted something from me P-chan, you could have just asked instead of attacking me."

"I was asking for help, you moron!" Ryoga shouted into Ranma's face after he picked himself up. "For the past ten minutes, I was telling you what happened to me today! You were sitting right there the entire time!"

Ranma blinked in confusion before he snapped his fingers in realization. "Oh that, I was sleeping. I'm practicing how to sleep with my eyes open so Hinako-sensei doesn't have a reason to drain my aura anymore! Or worse, complain to my mom about me sleeping in class!"

He shook his fist towards the sky, while laughing manically. "Bwahahaha, that's right you annoying little pest, I'm going to be the perfect student from now on, and never ever get caught falling asleep in class again!"

Ryoga sweatdropped, "Wouldn't it be easier to just stay awake?" His sweatdrop got larger as Ranma ignored him, and continued his bragging about outsmarting all his teachers, especially Hinako.

About a minute passed before Ryoga's impatience got the best of him as a giant vein bulged on his forehead and he punched the still laughing jackass right into a wall. "Would you shut the hell up already and listen to me!" Instead of a verbal response, he got two feet planted into his face as Ranma soared through the air and landed on him.

As Ryoga got ready to retaliate with an earth shaking punch, Ranma shoved a palm in front of his face, stopping his body's motion. "Oi Ryoga, you said you wanted my help right? So do you want it or just continue fighting?"

It was so tempting to continue beating up on the womanizing jerk but Ryoga had bigger issues to deal with, and unfortunately he needed this insufferable bastard's assistance.

Likewise, normally Ranma would have happily continued the battle as well, but Ryoga asking for his help was as rare as him finding an exit on the first try. So he decided to cut the fight short before P-chan got so angry that he forgot what he came here for, like he tended to do so often.

"Well, hurry up ya idiot, I wanna get back to training today ya know," Ranma was curious enough to help but that didn't mean he was going to stand around all day waiting for the lost boy to get his thoughts together.

Ryoga gritted his teeth and tried to control his temper despite his companion's obnoxious demeanor. "I was saying that some kids attacked me earlier, they looked like they were in junior high. They were dressed in some weird cosplay clothes and I think they were making fun of me. One of them hit me on the head with a toy and called me 'Pig Card'… stop laughing!" He yelled when his sole listener started to crack up hysterically. "It's not funny, you ass!"

Ranma tried to hold it in but couldn't help it, he really couldn't. "Hahaha, Pig Card… hahahahaha, oh man, kids are getting more creative these days." He performed a backwards handspring to avoid getting punched, unfortunately the ground beneath didn't have the same luck as it shattered into pieces.

He raised his hands in front of him to try and pacify Ryoga, who became so red with anger that steam came out of his ears. "Oi, oi, come on, it was just a harmless joke, a joke!" Ranma sighed in relief as the other boy stopped stomping towards him and just sat back down in an angry huff. "Alright, so some junior high kids decided to get ballsy and tried to beat you up? I'm not seeing the problem here. You can take hits from rocks weighing several tons, what can a bunch of little punks do to you?"

Ryoga, despite still irritated at being poked fun of, was glad and relieved that his friend/rival was at least trying to be consoling, even if it was in his usual annoying manner. "These weren't normal kids! They were powerful and did some amazing stuff. Like the boy was really good in martial arts, doing things we could do like jumping dozens of feet into the air, and he was using a sword like a master. He was definitely more skilled and precise than that idiot Kuno, although slower. Plus he was shooting out lightning and fire like he was a kaijuu!"

Ranma tried to imagine a younger Kuno with lightning being shot out of his mouth and fireballs from his butt. He almost snickered out loud but stopped when he noticed pig-boy was eyeing him with suspicion.

"There was the other one, the girl who called me… you know…" He wasn't going to say it again after the reaction he got last time. "Anyway, this girl was even freakier, she had an aura that was bigger than Happosai's or Cologne's!" That caught Ranma's attention, while Ryoga may not have been anyway near as skilled with ki as himself, that didn't mean he was a lazy slouch at it. After all, he mastered the Shishi Hokodan pretty quickly. For pig-boy to make a statement like that, it meant something pretty big. "Actually, both of them had an aura that was really big for little kids, but the girl was the much stronger of the two."

Ryoga continued, "She was using some weird attacks too, she had these cards that did anything she told them to. She was screaming fire and creating huge fire-attacks like Saffron, or shouting wind and creating something bigger than the Hiryu Shoten Ha. Whatever she yelled out, it happened. Only reason I got away safely was because she used water and I snuck away in my pig form."

The self-declared greatest in the world was definitely intrigued now, after all a punch from Mr. P could shake an entire neighborhood. He could lift and throw boulders like they were baseballs. Hell, he'd seen him fall off a mountain, land on his head, and casually get up like it was nothing.

"She jumped really high to avoid Bakusai Tenketsu or sometimes just flew around it. Yea, she could grow wings and fly too! She deflected my Shishi Hokodan back at me, and then fired an energy blast of her own. And at one point it's like she froze time or something, because the entire group just disappeared in an instant. She's super strong too, she actually managed to make me bleed a little."

"Wait, why were you pulling out all the stops anyway?" Ranma was confused at the revelation. Ryoga appeared to have fought these kids with nearly his entire arsenal and still came up short, but this was pig-boy after all, he would never fight little kids with the same intensity as he would a rival.

"I wasn't going full power and they kept following me around, it was really annoying. Can you imagine a group of people who won't stop yelling at you, harassing you, and blaming you for all sorts of stuff?" Ryoga shook his head in embarrassment at the memory. Everyone kept starring at him and whispering behind his back about abusing little kids, it was humiliating. He didn't know of anyone who could live with that constant torture day in and day out and if he did, he felt eternal pity for them.

Ranma bigsweated, he had a neutral expression on his face and a twitch in his eye. "Nope, can't imagine that at all. Those people must be pretty stupid to not get the hint to leave you the hell alone right?"

Ryoga nodded in agreement, unknowing that he insulted himself and a great number of people in Nerima. "I even tried to get lost on purpose but somehow I just ended up in a maze of all places, and they cornered me. I couldn't even break my way out of there with Bakusai Tenketsu, and when I tried to jump over the walls, they just got higher like magic. I didn't want to fight at all because they were junior high kids, but I started to push it a little when I realized they were actually hurting me, or at least their elemental attacks were. I didn't want to hurt them so I held back a lot but they still managed to keep up with me. Another girl was there too, but she was just holding up a camera and making creepy comments about the other two's clothing."

Ryoga looked next to him to notice that Ranma was unusually quiet and was focused at the ground in front of him. After a few seconds of more silence and being ignored, he got angry. "Oi, Ranma, you better not be asleep again!"

"I'm not." The answer came so suddenly that it almost surprised him. "Hey, you're making these kids sound pretty damn strong. How would you rank them out of all these people we've fought?"

While confused at the sudden question, Ryoga still thought on that for a moment before answering, "It's hard to say, they had huge auras and did some crazy attacks, but I could tell the girl was a complete novice at actual fighting, she wouldn't even be a white belt. The boy knew what he was doing though, definitely more skilled than most professional fighters. But compared to Nerima standards, he made too many sloppy mistakes that could get him hurt. But Ranma…it was the girl that surprised me the most, she was really…"

Ryoga stopped to think more on the honey blonde girl, who had impressed him beyond words. Despite all the craziness and insanity he'd witnessed in his life, constantly fighting against his pigtailed rival and staying in Nerima, that girl had done things that should have been impossible even by his standards. Ryoga had to admit that she, for a lack of a better word, astonished him. "In a few years, if that girl manages to get even more powerful, I would definitely put her above Herb and Saffron. Hell, she might be at that level of power already."

He was startled when his pigtailed rival began to glow with an aura of intensity and shuddered as a determined spark entered his eyes. Maybe he made a mistake going to Ranma for help…

"Is that right Ryoga? As strong as the two biggest monsters we know?" Ranma couldn't help but be excited at that news. He'd been so bored lately, after his fight against Saffron, everything else seemed like child's play. He knew he needed a new challenge or else he would grow complacent and lazy like his Pops and Tendo-san. Recently he was feeling that one thing that all true fighters feared; the ceiling. He was absolutely terrified that there was nobody left to help him become even better and stronger, that this was as good as he was going to get and no amount of training was going ever going to change that…

As good as Ryoga was, he got lost too often to be of any real help. Cologne-Obaba seemed set on running her restaurant and making a new life in Nerima. Natsume and Kurumi, the so-called Tendo sisters, were off doing their own thing somewhere out there in the wild, probably starving themselves to death. Konatsu, the brilliant ninja prodigy, was too busy being the world's girliest girl, even though he was really a guy! He didn't want to associate with Pantyhose Taro or Rouge, as they were too unstable even for him. Kumon Ryu was a pushover ever since the Yamasenken got sealed. And he would rather fulfill that seppuku pact of his mother's than ever associate with Happosai.

The only other viable option was in China, and he didn't think Herb was going to take the time to spar with him on a daily basis, or even tolerate his presence for that matter.

Dammit, why did Saffron have to be reborn as a baby?

But here was a man, that Saotome Ranma acknowledged as a worthy rival, saying that two kids or at least one in particular could be as strong as the Dragon Prince and the Phoenix God. He lost himself in a daydream of fighting against such power again, before reality harshly set back in and Ranma sighed in disappointment. He sadly turned to Ryoga, who was confused at the sudden turnaround. "You said that they were just junior high kids right?"

Ryoga nodded slowly.

"Che, forget it then. I'm not going to embarrass myself by fighting some little kids. I'm not that desperate or pathetic, who do you think I am, you?" Heh, the perfect way to get out of being disappointed was goading somebody into a 'real' fight. Didn't matter to him how strong they were, little kids were little kids and they were no substitute for a seasoned fighter.

Ryoga almost nodded again before he realized what was being said, "What the hell did you just say! Ranma, how dare you insult me! PREPARE TO DIE!"

Ranma howled in laughter as he pointed at the getting-more-pissed-off-by-the-second lost boy, "I'm surprised your Shishi Hokodan didn't work. If I lost to a bunch of brats, I'd be more depressed than everyone on the planet!"

"You lousy jerk, take this! Shishi Hoko…!" Ryoga's battle cry got interrupted when a wooden cane landed on his head and buried his face into the ground.

"Muku-dono." Only one person called him son-in-law.

Ranma stared at Cologne, and then up at the sky in wonder and awe. He didn't even see a shadow coming down. How did she always do that? "Obaba, where'd you come from? You've got to teach me that trick."

Cologne chuckled in amusement. "In due time Muku-dono, all in the due time. Right now however, we have a dire situation on our hands."

"We do? Oh geez, don't tell me Akane's entered a cooking competition again?"

She cackled this time. "Oh no, nothing that serious or else we'd hear the air sirens warning us. No, this emergency has more to do with the children that Ryoga was telling you about."

"You heard that, huh?" Ranma raised an eyebrow. Why would someone like Obaba care about those kids?

"Well, you two were talking for quite some time and I got worried when fists didn't start flying after the first nine seconds."

He let out a soft laugh. _'That's right, I think this is the longest conversation we've had since junior high without either of us trying to beat each other up.'_

"What's everyone's problem with these kids anyway? So they're annoying, big whoop." Ryoga raised his head to yell at Ranma for not properly listening to his story. What the hell, he spent the past several minutes telling the pigtailed jerk why they were such a big problem. He wanted to ask for help with getting rid of those kids before they got hurt, but that bastard infuriated him so much. Before Ryoga could get out a word however, Cologne bounced her cane a little bit and landed rather strongly back onto his head, face planting him once more.

"The problem is that these children seem very determined to annoy people in Nerima that any sane person would otherwise avoid…"

Ranma palmed his face and groaned in frustration. Fuck, he goes off to train by himself for one day, one lousy day, and all hell breaks loose back home. "Give me a break here. Who else did they piss off besides Ryoga?"

"My great granddaughter for one, and mister part-time but he doesn't matter. Shampoo was making a routine delivery when those children stopped her. The details given to me was that while Shampoo was fussing over how cute they were in their odd manner of clothing, the girl struck her with a toy while calling her 'Cat Card'. My great granddaughter did not appreciate it very much, especially since the boy attacked her with wind afterwards, ruining her dress, and then he summoned water to turn her into a cat. She was quite upset when she came back home…"

Cologne looked unhappy at the thought of her great grandchild unhappy, which in turn made Ranma unhappy because now he was the one who had to suffer the consequences.

"Great and let me guess, Mousse was the 'Duck Card'. Dammit, who else got hit?"

"Apparently Ukyo got ambushed outside her restaurant…" Wonderful, then that meant no free meals over there for a while. Ucchan was not pleasant to be around when she was pissed. "She got called the 'Confusion Card'. Apparently those children thought the way she preferred to dress as a male made her confused…"

Ranma laughed at that. As pissed as he was at knowing that eventually he had to fix all this nonsense, he had to admit, these mystery kids had a funny way of naming things.

"That Tatewaki boy got called the 'Stupid Card'." Ranma fell over at that. Oh wow, he was laughing so hard that tears were falling from his eyes. "Kodachi was the 'Laugh Card', your father was the 'Panda Card', your mother was the 'Oblivious Card', Soun was the 'Tear Card', Nabiki was the 'Money Card', Kasumi was the 'Joy Card', your teacher Hinako was the 'Age Card', the Kuno father was the 'Hair Card', and Happi was… avoided."

Ranma let out a snort at that, at least those kids had some semblance of intelligence to not mess with the old lecher. Bet he would be the 'Pervert Card' though. "What about you?"

"Those children stayed clear of me as well."

Yup, as insane as these kids sounded and they really did, at least they were smart enough not to piss off the two more dangerous fighters in Nerima. Hmmm… Ranma wondered what card Cologne would be, probably the 'Scary Card'. He chuckled at that for a bit, before getting hit with a cane that had him skidding on pavement for several feet before smashing into a wall.

"What the hell was that for, ya old ghoul?" He picked his head up to scream in anger before getting hit harder by the cane again, this time for the insult.

"I am not the 'Scary Card', Muku-dono."

'_Whoa. See right there, ya old ghoul, its shit like reading minds that makes you scary.'_ Ranma kept that thought private lest he'd suffer another cane blow. He shook his head to clear away the birdies circling him before getting up and turning his attention back to the tiny figure. "Let me guess, everybody expects me to teach those kids a lesson, right? Well forget it. I still don't see what the big deal about them is, other than being little brats, so I'm going back to training."

As Ranma walked off, muttering to himself, he heard Cologne tell him about the one person they both neglected to mention. "Muku-dono, wouldn't you like to hear what card Akane was?"

Making a rude sound, he could easily guess. "Oh I don't know, the 'Anger Card' probably, that tomboy literally screams out anger. Maybe the 'Mallet Card'? How 'bout the 'Gorilla Card'? Oh I know, the 'Tomboy Card'!"

"Wrong, she was the 'Cook Card'."

Ranma froze in shock and he turned around in disbelief, "You're kidding me…?"

Cologne cackled quietly, "No I am kidding you not. According to her, the children said that the 'Cook Card' can make anyone into an amazing chef or culinary disaster machine. Take a gander as to which one Akane was dubbed."

He started laughing harder than when he heard what Kuno's card was. "Bwahahaha, serves that uncute, flat chested, violent tomboy right! I always knew her cooking had to be supernatural, nobody can be that bad! Hahahaha!"

Cologne grinned at the sight of the boy laughing joyously because she knew her next words was going to put an end to that. "Indeed Muku-dono, perhaps you'll enjoy being her eating guinea pig for the next few days."

"What?" Ranma abruptly stopped laughing and froze in horror. The words guinea pig also sent a chill down his back, for other reasons.

"Oh, did I forget to mention, after getting humiliated by even children about her lack of culinary talent, Akane swore that she would get better or have you die trying all her new creations."

"…"

Cologne raised an eyebrow as her son-in-law continued to remain in silent shock.

All of a sudden, Ranma swung his backpack, which he procured out of nowhere, over his shoulder and rushed off to avoid certain death by a tomboy's disaster food. "Well, see ya Obaba, I gotta find those kids and teach them a lesson about not messing with grown-ups."

"Don't let me keep you, Muko-dono." Cologne laughed lightly. It was so easy to manipulate that boy.

"Oh wait!" Ranma stopped at the sudden demand and turned around, looking peeved. "Muku-dono, be careful of the girl with the wand. From what I've heard from everyone involved in this, apparently that girl is capable of astounding feats that not even Happi or I can do. Just a friendly warning."

* * *

><p>"Ranma-san!"<p>

After wandering around aimlessly for nearly an hour, Ranma looked up to see Konatsu bouncing cutely towards him. How the hell does one manage that anyway? Bouncing cutely of all things, maybe he… she… it… whatever, would teach him that so he could scam food quicker from unsuspecting vendors.

"Konatsu, what's up?" Ranma shuddered a little when he heard the most disturbing sound in his life, not even the real girls he knew could giggle so girly-like.

"Ranma-san, how many times do I have to tell you, please call me Konatsu-chan." He… she… pouted sadly, how was she supposed to get recognition as a girl if nobody added cute things to her name like –chan?

"Look I told ya before, I ain't callin' no guy –chan of all things!" Ranma wanted to yell some more but was forced to dodge Konatsu's sudden weapon barrage, and punches and kicks.

"Wai~~~! Ranma-san, you're so mean!" Konatsu screamed as she started to throw kunai and ninja stars, all aimed at the vital points of the human body, which were deftly avoided by her target.

Ranma gritted his teeth in irritation and prepared to simply knock out the crossdressing ninja with a hard punch, but the moment Konatsu noticed the change in his body language, she stopped attacking and posed cutely while pouting. "You wouldn't hit a girl now, would you?"

He tried to remind himself over and over that this was really a guy, one who was really annoying him at the moment, but all he could see was the cutest girl he'd ever seen in his life, and went back to a relaxed pose which signaled to Konatsu to continue her attack.

"Hold it!" She stopped just short of almost beheading him with a long knife. _'Wow, he must have real faith in my skills if he didn't even try to dodge, and just expected that I'd stop in time.'_ Konatsu couldn't help but be honored that someone of Ranma's caliber thought so highly of her.

Ranma sighed as he gently directed the knife back to her side with a finger. He couldn't believe that he was going to do this, but he didn't have time to waste on a long pointless fight, at least this time around. He really needed to find those kids before they pissed off someone really bad like Taro or Happosai. He grimaced at that thought and lightly patted the ninja girl on her head, rubbing her hair like she was a puppy who did a good deed. "Gotta admit, you're really good with those weapons… Konatsu-chan…"

Konatsu's eyes got sparkly with joy at finally hearing her name being said cutely. She hugged him tightly, much to his discomfort. Ranma was not happy with being glomped by a guy, even if that guy could pass for the cutest girl in the whole world. But he had to admit it made him feel nice to see her… him… so happy over something as trivial as saying her name differently. He wondered if all guys became nicer when they dressed as girls, he himself didn't count because he was usually in a woman's body when he did that.

That thought was when Ranma came to the realization that his life was so screwed up… maybe he should go back to therapy but visibly trembled at the image of being under HER perverted hands once more.

After a few more seconds of suffering the hug of cute doom, Ranma finally pushed Konatsu off him. "Oi, get off me already will ya. I swear you're worse about your name than this psycho genius I know. Well, at least you don't have puppets shouting your name in praise or the urge to have constant sex with me under the guise of scientific experimentation."

He waved away Konatsu's confused gaze. It wasn't important anyway, he got away from that red-haired demon and he was never, ever going to go back to her grubby little hands again. _'Suffer Tenchi, suffer! Better you than me, chump!'_ Ranma thought happily with a maniacal grin.

"Ano, Ranma-san? Are you alright, you look constipated. Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

"It's nothing Natsu-chan," Ranma gave a small smile as the girl grinned big at hearing that her cute name was taken to another level. Hell, if he was going to be forced to call a guy something cute like –chan, he might as well go all the way with it and make up a nickname for him, her, whatever! Besides, Konatsu looked like a cute girl so that made it alright… he hoped it did, otherwise this was another thing he would need to talk about with his therapist. If only his therapist wasn't Hakubi Washu…-chan! He could never forget the –chan! That flyer said free exclusive pleasure therapy to all people cursed to change genders from Jusenkyo, and he'd be damned if he was going to turn down anything free. Honestly, he thought therapy meant talking, so he went over there to complain about his life and the people in it, but he just ended up getting ravaged nonstop for over a week! Best way to relieve stresses his ass, that crazy little redhead just wanted to get laid!

Ranma would have felt like crying at the memories if there wasn't a girl in front of him staring so intently. Time to change the subject, "So what are ya doing here anyway? This isn't one of the usual routes of Ucchan's deliveries."

Konatsu giggled demurely, causing yet another shudder through Ranma's body. It was so scary, a guy should not be so disgustingly adorable. "Hehe, I was playing a game of tag with these kids dressed in the cutest cosplay I've ever seen and I guess I must have gotten lost. Oh no, I forgot to ask them if they had any of those clothes in my size."

As she was pouting, obviously saddened, Ranma remembered that pig-boy did mention those annoying junior high brats were dressed weirdly. "Did this group of kids consist of a girl with a plastic toy, a boy with a sword, and another girl with a camera?"

Konatsu nodded a few times, "Yes, how did you know that?"

"Did these brats happen to call ya anything, like a card or somethin'?"

"Yes! They called me the 'Cute Card'. I was so touched by that, then they started to play a game of tag with me and chased me around. Although they're not very good at it, I think they got lost when I went into the forests behind Nerima High School."

"The 'Cute Card', of course you are…" Ranma deadpanned. He actually expected something like that, especially since his thoughts about Konatsu constantly revolved around the words cute and disturbing.

He focused back on the pseudo girl as she continued, "The girl with the wand was so adorable. She did the most amazing things like turning the wand into a sword, then growing wings and flying around! And then she made flowers appear everywhere! Oh, she looked like a fairy princess. I wish I could become one someday."

Shuddering at the thought of Konatsu becoming a fairy anything, Ranma couldn't help but be surprised. This was the third person to single out this girl, everyone seemed to be amazed by what she was capable of doing, and these were people who were used to the craziness of Nerima. Just who was this girl that had everyone talking about her?

* * *

><p>After leaving Konatsu to do whatever it is she does, he immediately searched the forest behind the high school only to come upon Kuno doing his own rendition of "speed training." Although he didn't think that tacking pictures of Akane and his girl-form to trees and running around as fast as possible, kissing them, could be called training.<p>

But it seemed to be working, Kuno was slightly better now. This time it took him all of 3.1 seconds to kick his ass instead of the usual 2.6, he actually congratulated the bokken-head for the .5 increase. Ranma groaned at the thought of the delusional swordsman; if only it didn't take watermelons to trigger Kuno's increased skill and speed, at least then fighting against him would be an entertaining challenge rather than an annoyance.

A few hours later, Ranma searched all the hot spots in Nerima where the-crazier-than-usual-shit seemed to gravitate towards, so far nothing came up except for more frustration. These kids weren't just hitting up the main characters, but also the random people that were in Nerima for whatever stupid reason. The cast of weirdoes included Akari (looking for Ryoga again, good luck to her); Tsubasa; Sasuke (craziest person ever to willingly work for the Kunos); Mariko (even crazier for liking Kuno-sempai); Gosunkugi; Kaori (she opened up a Martial Arts Takeout Delivery school where he had a part-time gig as a teacher); the Niku-men (why were they still here anyway?); Asuka the White Lily; Pink and Link (Cologne was forcing them to work part-time over at the Nekohanten); the Gambling King; Rakkyosai (who was bothering the old lecher, those two morons deserved each other); that lazy punk Yotaro too ('Lazy Card' needed to stop mooching off the Tendo family already); even Maomolin the freakin' Ghost Cat! And a bunch of other freaks he never bothered to remember.

Only consolation was that they didn't go after Pantyhose Taro, Rouge, or even worse Picolet Chardin, who was in Nerima for the grand unveiling of a new restaurant he was opening. Ranma got a personal invitation with free dinner coupons; he was making plans on going there later, hopefully alone, and eating to his heart's content.

At the moment, Ranma was rooftop hopping towards the ice rink to check on Mikado and Azusa, the Golden Pair, when he spied three kids, two with bizarre clothing on, talking adamantly beneath a cherry blossom tree. Getting closer, he overheard that they already tried to attack the Golden Pair only to get badly humiliated, apparently they weren't very good ice skaters. He could relate to that or at least a few years ago he could.

Wait, was that plushie talking?

"I can't believe that freaky girl tried to kidnap me! What was with her calling me Lianne anyway!"

"Hoe, it's okay Kero-chan, I wouldn't have let her take you."

"You should have, save us a lot of money on snacks for the fat, greedy plush toy."

"Who are you calling a plush toy, kozo! And I am not fat! This is all muscle, baby!"

"Sure it is; fat, disgusting, blobby muscle."

"Ano Li-kun, Kero-chan, you should stop fighting. You know it always makes Sakura-chan uncomfortable."

This got a reaction from both, "This stupid stuffed animal/brat started it!"

"Hoe…"

"Ara, I still can't believe that the 'Freeze Card' didn't work, those two skaters just danced around everything."

"It's alright Daidouji, this is my fault. I knew we shouldn't have come here, I've always heard rumors about Nerima being insane, but never believed it. Even my mother told me not to come here. I still don't know how she heard about this place from across the sea. And we still haven't come across Saotome Ranma either; he's the biggest threat in this mental house."

Damn straight he was biggest threat! Ranma's chest puffed up in pride. _'Yea baby, nobody's better than me!'_

"Hoe, Syaoran-kun, do you really think this Ranma-san is really that strong? You told us earlier that he's stronger than that guy we first fought, the one who turned into a pig, and he was really scary! He blew up the ground so many times and shot energy blasts at us!"

"Yea, stop joking around kozo, that guy was a monster. Nothing you or Sakura did worked against him, Sakura barely managed to break that bear hug of his even with the 'Power.' You're telling us that there are people here more powerful than that?"

"He was just the tip of the iceberg. There was a reason why I told you not to fight against those two gnome mummies. Those two might be even stronger than Saotome. Plus all those other people we avoided, I heard one of them transforms into some type of bull monster with tentacles on his back!"

"Hoe!"

"There, there, Sakura-chan, it'll be okay. I'm sure Li-kun was just joking, right?"

"I wish I was, Daidouji. I think we should just leave already before something really bad happens."

"Hoe! We can't! We still need to make sure that Ranma-san isn't really a Clow Card. Besides Kero-chan said this place had a large concentration of magic, so we need to make sure everything's okay before we leave."

"But Sakura, all those others weren't taken over by cards, they were just strange freaks. I don't even know if Clow really did make secret cards to play around with, it was just a rumor, one he probably spread himself. He's always did like to play jokes on people. Let's just go home and eat a bunch of snacks, I want to play that new video game that came out today!"

"No Kero-chan! We need to make sure this Ranma-san isn't the 'Pervert Card'."

Ranma nearly facefaulted out of his hiding spot, he was supposed to be the 'Pervert Card'? Not Happosai, but him? He heard the brunette boy further insult him …

"Yea, I heard Saotome likes to steal woman's underwear and sneak into the woman's bath. He's a womanizer and a pervert, and he's trying to build a harem too! I've heard rumors that he even cross-dresses as a woman. He's definitely the biggest threat in Nerima."

Hearing that, the pride he felt earlier at being deemed the biggest threat shattered into a million pieces.

…Oh hell no, time for his cue to make an entrance.

The three kids and one plushie visibly jumped up in shock as a figure suddenly appeared in front of them. It looked to them like he teleported, when in reality he was just really fast.

"Saotome Ranma…"

"Hoe!"

"He doesn't look so tough, I'll just take him out then we can go get some cake!"

"I hope my camera doesn't run out of its battery charge…"

After a few seconds of both parties staring each other down, Ranma finally growled with a twitch on his face. "I'll have you brats know, I am not a pervert! None of those incidents were my fault, it was always the old lecher! All that evidence against me is purely circumcised!"

"Ano, do you mean circumstantial?" The raven-haired girl with the camera asked.

"Uhh… yea, I guess… whatever makes me innocent."

Suddenly, the plush toy guffawed. "What a dope, he doesn't even know Japanese. How can this idiot be a threat? Hahahaha…"

Ranma raised an eyebrow in curiosity and briskly walked forward to immediately take a hold of the surprised Keroberos. He turned the plush toy around in different ways and pulled on its limbs and tail, then started to shake him like a rattle and curiously inquired, "Hey, where are the batteries in this thing?"

Ranma pulled his hand back to prevent getting bitten by the now pissed off, flying plushie. "I'm not a freakin' toy, you dumbass! You wanna mess with the great guardian beast, fine! Take this, punk!" Before Kero could become his transformation into the Guardian of the Sakura Cards, Ranma roughly grabbed him and threw him high into the air; probably out of Tokyo, if the fact that there was a new star in the sky meant anything. Normally, Ranma wouldn't abuse a child's toy like that, but something told him that there was more to that doll than meets the eye, after all it could talk and fly.

The girls were visibly upset at this action while the boy just looked pissed. "Kero-chan!" The honey blonde girl with the star wand in her hand shouted with despair in her voice, "How could you, you monster!"

He would have responded to that hurtful remark but the boy ran up to him in a flash, with a speed that almost caught him off guard, and slashed a sword across towards his face which he neatly avoided with a single step back. Then another slash down to try and vertically cut him in half, Ranma easily sidestepped this too and just put his foot on the blade when it cut into the ground. He could see the brat was struggling to get the sword out from under him, but didn't care much about that.

"Hey brat, what's your name? That's really all I want, so there's no need for any violence."

"My name's none of your business." By this time, Syaoran had given up on pulling his weapon free and moved to engage the older man in hand-to-hand combat. The end result was a basic Ranma-style fight, with the martial artist simply insulting and dancing around the young warrior, who was desperately trying to land a hit on him.

Of course, this method was really only good for one reaction. "Damn you, why won't you hold still and fight me! And my clothes do not look like an ugly baby's pajamas!"

"Sorry kid, but it'll be pretty embarrassing for me to take a midget like you on for real. And you're right, even an ugly baby would have better taste, hahahaha." Much to the younger boy's aggravation, Ranma even patted him on the head like he was an infant. The former cardcaptor was dismayed to find that he was so outmatched in what should have been his area of expertise.

Ranma may have outclassed the kid by miles, but that didn't mean he wasn't impressed by the level of skill being displayed. He hopped over a sweep kick, then bent back to avoid the following roundhouse kick, and finally rolled to the side because of a tornado kick. "It's a little curious, your natural fighting style seems to be a form of Chinese martial arts but you keep reverting to Tae Kwan Do."

"I prefer kicks because it gives me the advantage of reach." Ranma nodded in agreement, that was the reason why he loved Tae Kwan Do; the style put more emphasis on kicking techniques that allowed him to keep his opponents at a length.

Syaoran tried a knee strike only to have his opponent flip over him, grab him by his shoulders and throw him forward. He skidded to a stop and gritted his teeth in frustration as the older boy continued to run his mouth. "Still, it's pretty refreshing to see someone fight me with kicking, usually I just have fists coming at my face and I gotta tell ya, it gets stale. Judging by your accent, I'm guessing you're from Hong Kong? Makes sense, since you use Chinese martial arts and have a Chinese Jian."

With a startle, Syaoran realized that his sword was unguarded and rushed to grab it, but Ranma expected this move and swiftly jumped over the sprinting kid to land with his foot down on the weapon again. Syaoran growled at sight of the most nerve-grating smirk ever. "It's about time brat, I was wondering when you were finally going to see that huge opening I gave you. It's pretty disappointing that I had to give you a hint though, tsk, tsk."

Enough was enough, Syaoran didn't want to use magic, but it was the only way he was going get the upper hand in this duel. He concentrated a small amount of magic on his sword, enough to incapacitate but not kill. "Raitei Shourai!" Lightning surrounded the blade and electrocuted the man who screamed in pain. Syaoran took this opportunity to jump into the air and performed a butterfly kick, sending the teen a good distance away.

"My name is Li Syaoran." He finally answered the initial question and looked the motionless body with a neutral expression. Syaoran didn't want to use magic, but this was obviously a person that couldn't be taken lightly. He held back with the kick too, but still put enough into it to knock out someone twice his size. His eyes widened when Ranma's body suddenly faded away into nothing, _'What the hell, where'd he go?'_

Just then he heard Sakura yell out in fear, "Syaoran-kun, behind you!"

Syaoran's froze in shock when a cocky sounding voice murmured, "That's a little thing called an afterimage, kid. Something people with real speed could do."

Before Syaoran could even think to turn around, he felt his arms get clamped on tightly before the whole world became a blur.

Ranma hated doing this; it was so dirty and cheap but the kid really annoyed him with that lightning crap, so he considered this karmic payback. He grabbed the kid by his arms, making sure he had a good firm grip, and spun both of them around as fast as he could without the boy's body being ripped apart. Now Ranma could easily withstand the pressure and force of this high speed because his body was conditioned for it, but he doubted that this kid underwent the same harsh, hellish training that he had for over a decade.

After half a minute passed, Ranma slowly came to a stop and looked down to see that Syaoran was unconscious and nearly foaming at the mouth. "Oops, guess I did that for a little too long, Li Syaoran, was it? Gotta admit junior, ya got a pretty strong kick for a brat, but I've been hit much harder than that before," He jumped into a nearby tree with his passenger still in his arms and gently laid the kid down on one of the branches. "Now, be a good sleeping beauty and stay here, while I go talk to your girlfriends."

Ranma jumped back down to see that one of the girls was missing, "Hey, you with the camera, where's the other kid with the toy stick?"

"Shot!" It was only due to his incredibly honed reflexes that Ranma managed to roll his body to the side and avoid the energy blast aimed at his back. _'Whoa, what the fuck, how the hell did she get behind me?'_ His thoughts were jumbled all over the place, trying to figure out how this skinny little girl managed to catch him, of all people, off guard.

He turned around and nearly fell over, his jaw dropped at the sight of the biggest aura he'd ever encountered before. _'Ryoga wasn't kidding. Hell, if anything he badly underrated her, this girl might be stronger than Herb and Saffron combined.'_

She took out three cards and tossed into the air before striking them with her Sakura Staff.

"Fight! Dash! Power!"

The cards glowed for a minute before disappearing. He raised an eyebrow at the interesting display, "Nice light show, but what was that supposed to do?"

With a speed that was superhuman, Sakura showed him exactly what happened as she ran behind him so fast that the entire world seemed to be in slow motion. Unfortunately for her, Ranma was used to such speeds and easily blocked the kick aimed at his side without even turning around, but he was thrown off his feet when the strength behind the attack was much stronger than he anticipated.

'_Whoa, that felt like getting hit by a car.'_

Over the next few minutes, Ranma actually had to sweat a little to fight off the sudden barrage of high level techniques coming his way. "What the hell…! There's no way you can be this good, most of the people I know aren't even this good!" He couldn't believe what was happening, a junior high girl was actually forcing him take her seriously. She was fighting with skill and grace that was well beyond the average, if anything he'd place her level around Shampoo's and that was a hell of a compliment. This was confusing because earlier, Ryoga had said this girl wouldn't even be a white belt and yet here she was, fighting with the ferocity of an Amazon. She actually increased her speed too and was moving fast enough to create afterimages of her own. And her strength, holy crap, she was smashing giant holes into the ground with every punch and kick he dodged.

It was like fighting against… himself. She was strong, fast, and knew various types of fighting styles and adapted well to his counters. He couldn't deny it any longer, despite only being a little girl, he understood why everyone was so hung up on her. She just wasn't normal… again, like him…

"Okay, this has been a real eye opener for me but now I've got some questions for you, ebi-chan." Much to Sakura's and Tomoyo's shock, Ranma easily grabbed an incoming fist by her wrist, with no visible pain, despite the punch being strong enough to level a house.

Sakura assumed the advantage for the whole fight was solely hers, but she was stumped at the realization that this man had been toying around with her the entire time. _'He's so strong. I can't even budge my hand out of his.'_ She was intrigued and more than a little frightened. Thinking about it some more, despite having the speed of 'Dash,' she never once hit him again beyond that initial attack. _'I can't believe three of my strongest combat cards can't even touch him.'_

In fact, a lot of people she encountered today seemed to get the best of her, especially that pig person who was the first potential Clow Card they came across in Nerima. He was incredibly strong, even though she was using the ability of 'Power,' which gave her the strength to throw an elephant into the air; it still felt like he was going to overwhelm her at times. She would have been floored to know that Ryoga was holding back quite a lot in their fight because of her age and gender.

"Whenever I meet a new person, first thing I wanna find out is why they want to kill me or marry me. Doesn't look like you want to do either, so let's just move onto the second thing then, what are your names? I already that kid's name…" Ranma pointed at the young Li Family prodigy who was still knocked out in the tree, "…is Li Syaoran. What's yours, ebi-chan?"

"Hoe! I am not a shrimp!" Sakura's face showed an expression of open fury and she kicked the teen in his shin, causing him to let go of her hand. She was sensitive about her height, especially after getting teased about it by her Onii-chan so often.

Sakura forgot she still had the strength of 'Power' so that kick actually hurt him a lot. "OW~~~! That hurt! What did ya do that for, ebi-chan?"

"My name isn't shrimp. It's Kinomoto Sakura!"

"Sakura, huh? I think I'll stick with ebi-chan since your name sounds weird." Ranma didn't really think so, he actually thought it perfectly suited a young beauty like her but he couldn't help but tease the girl mercilessly. _'Hehehe, this is so much fun.'_ She was turning out to be easier to rile up than Ryoga and Akane

"Hoe!" Sakura tried to kick him again, only this time he avoided it by casually jumping into the air, over her head and landing near her best friend.

'…_he just jumped as high as the 'Jump Card,' that's so cool.'_

Ranma casually stood in front of the girl with raven-black hair who was filming everything with her camera, specifically him now. "And what's your name, ummm… I'll think up a nickname for you later."

"I'm Daidouji Tomoto, it's a pleasure to meet you." She bowed in greeting. It was only the polite thing to do, just like she was raised to properly act in high society.

"Wow, no need to bow to me camera-chan, I'm not a very important person," Ranma thought up the perfect nickname for her after seeing that even while bowing, she held up the camera at a perfect angle to capture his every moment. He sweatdropped when she giggled creepily.

Suddenly, Tomoyo looked at him with a raised eyebrow that made her look very mature, like Nabiki actually. "And that plushie you threw into space earlier was Keroberos but we call him Kero-chan."

Oh yea, he forgot about that thing. Wonder where it was now?

Apparently Sakura had forgotten about him too, but she was enraged at the reminder that her precious friend/guardian was now lost thanks to the jerk. "That's right, it's because of you that Kero-chan is probably scared and alone and hungry right now!"

Ranma could see that she was preparing to hit another card with that toy of hers, well not this time.

"Move!" Sakura prepared to teleport behind the aggravating teen again, but was confused when nothing happened. The 'Move Card' was still floating in midair in front of her. Looking at her empty hands, she saw that her Sakura Staff had disappeared. "Hoe? Hoe! Where'd my staff go!" She looked around desperately to try and find it.

"This thing is a staff? Looks more like a wand to me, ebi-chan." She didn't know how but in less time than she could blink, the man had quickly run up to her, grabbed her staff without her realizing it, and moved back next to Tomoyo and was twirling the magical stick around between his fingers. This was done so fast that it looked like he didn't move from where he was standing at all, not even by an inch…

She was even more confused when her eyes focused on a piece of paper on her forehead, and she hesitantly grabbed it to read.

…and apparently he took out a post-it sticker, wrote 'Kawaii Ebi-chan, Ebi-chan!' on it, and stuck it on her head without her noticing either.

In the short time since they've met, this man had managed to annoy her more than her Onii-chan ever did.

She growled irritably as Ranma laughed at her. "Hahaha, you're just too cute ebi-chan. I wish I had a kid sister like you to annoy everyday! This is the most fun I've had in a long time!"

Sakura's only response was to smile in amusement. "Ranma-san, I have a secret to tell you…"

"Oh, please don't tell me you're engaged to me."

She became bright red at the thought. "What? No way, I'm way too young to get married, I'm only thirteen."

"Yea, trust me, that don't stop a moron from making dumb decisions." He mumbled under his breath about stupid pandas.

"Hoe, will you let me finish!" What a jerk, she just wanted to reveal her trump card, all dramatic and such, and he was ruining it like a big baka. "I just wanted to say that I don't need my staff to use my cards. I've only been doing it because Tomoyo-chan wanted me to be more dramatic for her films."

Ranma looked over to the side to see Tomoyo nodding happily, still holding that camera up. "Why would you ask for that?"

"Ara, I just want the entire world to see my wonderful Sakura-chan in all her cute magnificence!"

He sweatdropped at the starry gaze in the girl's eyes.

Just then, Ranma saw another glowing light, and a tiny fairy appeared and conjured up a wave of blue powder towards him. He had no idea what would happen if he breathed that junk in but he wasn't going to take any chances, he fired off an Amaguriken and dissipated the powder into the air.

Tomoyo couldn't believe it, even 'Sleep' failed to stop this man. She was glad this was being taped so they could take a closer review of all the people they met today.

"This is getting too easy here, ebi-chan." Ranma was getting bored now. This was proving to be a lot of fun with all these weird techniques being used against him, but it was tiring to hold back so much because his opponent was a young girl.

Ranma cocked an eyebrow when he noticed that Sakura seemed to have disappeared again. Once again, due to his quick reflexes, he instantly turned around to parry her high kick aimed at his head. Judging by the speed and strength behind it, he guessed that she still retained those three powers from earlier too.

Finally seeing her technique, he was able to tell how she caught him off-guard that very first time; she was teleporting!

When Syaoran had returned to Tomoeda for good, to be with Sakura, one of the first things they did besides lovey-dovey couple stuff was improve on the Sakura Cards and make them "evolve," so something like the Eriol incident never happened again. 'Move' was one of the first cards to be altered because it had such a glaring weakness; it could only teleport small, inanimate objects across short distances. Eventually, Sakura managed to alter it so that it could teleport at least her, but the range was still small.

"Nice…" He blocked an elbow.

"Technique…" He ducked under a punch.

"There" He quickly rolled backwards to avoid an axe kick.

"Ebi…" He grabbed her leg when she tried a donkey kick.

"Chan!" He then tossed her away lightly.

Watching her attack style for a bit, Ranma figured out the distance weakness of 'Move' pretty quickly. After all, if Sakura could teleport, then why was she taking the time to close the gap in between them with her speed and then 'porting. After a few more times of letting her test out his theory, he figured out just how far she had to be to use her little trick. As he was preparing to make his countermove, the shadows beneath his feet suddenly reached out and grabbed him by the throat, arms, legs, and waist, completely immobilizing him.

"Shadow! Keep him trapped!" Sakura prepared to make a mad dash straight with her arm cocked up, ready to smash into him.

'_Shit, how the hell is she doing this? I can't freakin' move…'_ Ranma thought in panic as he stood precariously in the path of danger, struggling to get out the shadow's very tight grip. He wasn't sure exactly how strong the young girl was compared to the people he usually fought, but he didn't want to find out this way, _'…Oh, screw this crap.'_

He concentrated ki around his body, causing him to slightly glow, much to his audience's surprise. With a roar, Ranma let loose his aura, dissipating his shadow and inadvertently catching the poor Card Mistress too, sending her sailing down the street.

"Oh fuck…" Ranma watched in horror as Sakura didn't seem capable of stopping herself, and he didn't think her tiny body could withstand an impact with the ground or a wall. He ran at his top speed, making Sakura's 'Dash' speed seem like a snail's, and gently caught her before she made contact with any hard surface.

"That was scary. I was so scared." Sakura hugged her savior tightly around his neck, nearly on the verge of tears and sniffling into his shoulder. Tomoyo ran up to the pair and began to rub her friend's back gently, whispering consoling words.

"It's ok Sakura-chan, I'm sure Ranma-san would never hurt you on purpose."

"Yea, sorry about that ebi-chan. You actually worried me for a bit, ya know, with that shadow stuff. I didn't mean to get all hardcore on ya though." Ranma smiled warmly at her, visibly relieved that the admittedly powerful child wasn't hurt in any way. He gently put her back on her feet before handing her the wand uhh… staff, still looked too small to him to be a staff, and then playfully rubbed her hair to relieve the tense atmosphere.

"Hoe! Stop that!

"Sorry, but you're pretty cute for a little monster, ya know."

"…Monster?" An anger vein appeared on her forehead, but of course Ranma didn't notice. He was also oblivious to Tomoyo laughing nervously with a sweatdrop on her head.

"Yea, you can do all sorts of weird stuff. Oh, I know! Instead of ebi-chan, how about I call you kaijuu-chan!"

"WATERY!"

"WHAT DID I DO~~~!" Ranma yelled out as a giant tidal wave appeared from out of nowhere and sent him crashing into several trees.

Sakura raised her fist and shook it at the befallen martial artist, "I am not a kaijuu!"

Both girls were shocked when they saw a beautiful, full figured redhead emerge from the crash site and furiously push the fallen debris off her. She was wearing the same exact clothes as Ranma was, they also looked alike, and they had the same hair style too.

"Ara? Sakura-chan, did you evolve 'Watery' too? I'm pretty sure you just turned Ranma-san into a girl."

"Hoe! I didn't change it, but Kero-chan could have played around with the cards when I wasn't looking."

The redhead shook the water out of her hair before loudly yelled to the heavens, "It's always cold water, why? WHY! Is there some kind of Jusenkyo rule out there that says every drop of water that hits me has to be cold!"

Ranma-chan snarled and angrily stomped over to the very confused schoolgirls. "Oi, what the hell was that for ebi-chan? I was just joking around with ya, there was no reason to go all kaijuu on me!" Instead of hearing apologizing, although she didn't expect it since girls never said sorry to her, she was met with total, stunned silence. "Oi, what's wrong with you two, it's like you've never seen a Jusenkyo cursed person before. You've already met a ton of us today, the lost pig, the c-c-a-a-… feline, the blind duck, and the smelly fat ugly panda."

Ranma-chan was dumbfounded when she was struck on the forehead with the Sakura Staff and the girl yelled out, "Jusenkyo Card, return to the guise you were meant to be in! Clow Card!"

"…"

"Pervert Card, return!"

"…"

"Gender Card!"

Her eyebrow twitched in irritation as Sakura continued to hit her over the head and call her several names over the next minute or so. "Curse Card! Girl Card! Boy Card! Agility Card! Monster Card! Fashion Card! Hoe, what kind of Clow Card are you?"

Ranma-chan finally had enough, and just swiped the staff once more then threw it over her shoulder. She ominiously lowered her face right towards the nervous girl and snarled, "Look here, I'm not going to go take a bunch of brats seriously but I'm just warning ya, I know some tricks of my own that'll let me knock you out without hurting ya. You ever heard of pressure points?"

"Hoe…"

"Ya know what, why was 'Fashion Card' included in that list?"

"Well, your clothes are rather dirty and torn, plus they look weird…"

"I'm being mocked about my clothes from a girl in cosplay?"

"Ano, excuse me miss, who are you?" Tomoyo asked curiously, while petting her red-faced embarrassed friend on the head. Her handmade battle costumes for her precious Sakura-chan weren't cosplay!

"It's me, Ranma. Ya know the guy you've been fighting for the past oh… I don't know, fifteen minutes or so." She rubbed her nasal bridge in exasperation and miserably sighed. "Are you freakin' kidding me? This entire day, nobody took the time to explain what a Jusenkyo Curse was? Why am I not surprised, those bastards probably wanted me to do that too."

"Jusenkyo, huh…?" Ranma-chan, Sakura, and Tomoyo turned around to see Syaoran shakily walk in their direction, "That's explains why Okaa-sama didn't want any of us to come here. Jusenkyo's bad news, it's filled with powerful dark magic in the form of cursed pools."

Sakura ran up to her boyfriend and put his arm around her shoulder. "Hoe… Syaoran-kun, are you alright? You were unconscious for a long time."

"Li-kun, maybe you should lie back down, you look like you're about to faint," For the first time that day, Tomoyo fully turned her camera off, feeling that all the exciting stuff was pretty much over with.

"Nah, he's fine. He's a boy. Syaoran can take more than that, right?" Ranma-chan lightly slapped the poor boy on his back causing him to fall over, holding his head in pain.

"Oops, that wasn't my fault."

"Ugh, I'm going to throw up." Syaoran moaned with his eyes tight shut, praying for the world to stop spinning around.

"Syaoran-kun!" Sakura angrily turned to the older figure and roughly smacked the current-female with her staff. "You jerk! Look what you did to my boyfriend!"

Ranma-chan rubbed her head fiercely, trying to lessen the pain. "OW~~~~! Dammit, I'm sorry already. I didn't think just spinning him around would do this much to him!"

Syaoran tried to keep his eyes open but was still too dizzy, so he settled for lying on ground while moaning. "Jusenkyo is a pretty dangerous and scary place. I'm guessing you either fell in the Spring of Drowned Girl or Boy. Which is it?"

The woman, who was really a man, pouted cutely and crossed her arms. "I'm a guy, born and raised, and don't you brats ever forget it. I hate turning into a girl…"

"Nyannichuan it is then."

Tomoyo tilted her head and curiously asked, "Ara, Ranma-san, Li-kun, can either of you explain what this Jusenkyo is?" Sakura nodded in agreement, she wanted to know more about these curses too.

As Ranma-chan opened her mouth to speak, she was interrupted by Syaoran who simply told Sakura to use the 'Rain Card' and drizzle warm water over her. The two girls watched amazed as the beautifully cute redhead turned back into the handsome male once more. Syaoran explained in more detail to his speechless audience, "It takes cold water to activate the curse, turning the person into whatever pool they fell into. Saotome-san fell into Nyannichuan, the 'Spring of Drowned Girl', so he's cursed to turn into a girl whenever he's drenched in cold water."

Ranma continued, "Yea, and warm or hot water reverses the curse, turning the person back to normal. Also I don't know why, but with me, it turned me into a water magnet too. I can't go anywhere without somehow getting splashed with cold water."

Sakura just blinked, a little overwhelmed at all the new information. Tomoyo was simply curious and had more questions, "So all those people who turned into animals today were cursed?"

"Yea, I don't know why I didn't realize it earlier with the water connection and all." Syaoran picked himself into a sitting position, feeling slightly better. "That Ryoga guy must have turned into a pig when you used 'Watery' on him too, Sakura."

"Hoe, so that's how he disappeared so quickly."

Ranma snorted, "Nah, that's just another part of the 'eternal lost one' that's just as screwed up, but that's not important."

Tomoyo closed her eyes and went into a state of deep concentration. "Hmmm… I wonder…" Everyone leaned in to better hear the girl. "I bet Sakura-chan would become even more uber-cute if she turned into an animal too, maybe an adorable puppy or a hamster!"

Everyone facefaulted as Tomoyo became starry eyed at the image of a honey-blonde hamster holding the original clow staff and wearing clothes of her design.

Ranma twitched. The only person he knew who was so into cute was Shiratori Azusa; he shuddered at the thought of two Azusas in the world.

Syaoran sighed and shook his head; Daidouji's obsession with Sakura's cuteness bordered on scary at times.

Sakura got up with a sweatdrop on her head, laughing shyly; her best friend was never going to change, something she didn't mind though. She turned back to Ranma. "How do we know you're still not a Clow Card though? Just because you have a curse doesn't mean you don't have more magic in you. Like that explosion thing you did earlier, you almost hurt me."

"HE WHAT?" Syaoran was enraged at that. Forgetting his headache, he took out an ofuda and set it ablaze before throwing it at Ranma, engulfing the surprised martial artist in a firebomb and throwing him back several yards away.

"Syaoran-kun, how could you do that?"

"He tried to hurt you. I'm not going to just ignore that!"

"Ugh… son of a, that's gonna leave a mark." Hearing the grumbling and scuffling noise, the cardcaptor group blankly looked on as Ranma casually walked back to them with a grimace. He sat down next to Syaoran, and then lightly struck the boy on his head. "Have to give you credit brat, you're full of promise too. But don't do that again, even if I did deserve it for once."

Ranma didn't honestly blame the kid for his overreaction. If someone had tried to hurt a person he cared about, like his mom, then he would have went nuts too. Besides compared to what people usually blamed him for and how they punished him, that little fire thing was tame.

"OW! Great, thanks a lot, now my headache's back. How the hell are you still standing after that?" Syaoran didn't understand it. Even if his spell didn't have a lot power to it due to his weakened state, a normal person didn't just walk off being blown up.

Ranma yawned and dusted himself off. He really was getting his clothes dirty a lot today; crap, that meant another lecture from his mom. "Oh please, I take worse shit than that before I even wake up. That old lecher's Happo Dai-Karin is a lot stronger than your little firecracker, that bomb can level an entire town. Not to mention Saffron's fireballs…"

He reflected back on all the people who've tried to kill him over the years and scoffed at the mere idea of getting done in by a junior high student.

"Look kid, do I look like the type of person who would purposely hurt a cute little thing like your girlfriend?" Ranma put on the most innocent face he could, not knowing that it made him look slightly demented.

Nobody wisely commented.

He ignored their silence and turned his attention back to Sakura. "As for you and your Blue's Clues…"

"Clow Card." Tomoyo spoke up.

"…whatever. I am not a card, a clue, or a Dora's adventure, got it? Not my curse, my martial arts, my super-cool attacks, or anything about me is whatever it is you're thinking it is."

Ranma cocked an eyebrow when Sakura whispered 'Libra,' and made a pan-scale of all things appear in her hands. She held it up to his face and cutely smiled. "Can you repeat that again please." He hesitantly did so and watched as the side with the sun lowered, all three kids seemed openly relieved at that.

"Do I want to know what that was all about?" It was official, he had no clue what this girl's power was. That scale showed up out of nowhere, and unless she knew the Amazon technique Hidden Weapons which he doubted, then that wasn't possible. This was yet another crazy feat she pulled off today that had him scratching his head. _'How can I learn all these things she's doing? With all those techniques, I'm sure I can kick that old lecher's ass for good.'_

He would have chuckled evilly had a loud, thundering voice not interrupted him from above. "Oh ho, so I see you like picking on little kids huh, you lousy punk. Let's see you take on someone bigger than you!"

"Kero-chan!" Sakura and Tomoyo cheered enthusiastically at the sight of their previously absent friend.

Ranma rolled his eyes and prepared for a screaming match. "Look plushie, I ain't picking on no…" He stopped to hyperventilate at the sight of the biggest fuckin' cat he'd ever seen in his life. It even had wings to chase him faster with!

He should have suspected something was wrong when the plush toy's voice sounded like a loud amplified boom, instead of the high pitched squeal from before. Ranma would have berated himself for making that mistake, but at the moment his brain was too busy screaming at him to get the hell away from the humongous cat that was going to rip him apart, eat him, and use his bones to pick his shredded flesh from its teeth, and then use his mangled corpse as a litter box.

Ranma summed up that long thought rather nicely. "CAT! CA~~~~~~T!"

He tried to run away, but was thrown off his feet when a searing heat engulfed his back and sent him barreling to the ground. His mind started to shut down as the giant cat stepped on him with its giant cat paws, then he felt its cat breath on his face while it cattily mocked him in a catty tone.

"Hah, look at this. Mister badass here is scared of cats. That's so pathetic! Oi, kozo, this is who you were worried about? Hahahaha…" Keroberos was so busy laughing at the sad sight of a grown man shaking like a baby, that he didn't hear the guy suddenly hiss like an alley cat, and was caught off guard when a tremendous force nearly broke his neck.

"Rreow!" Neko-Ranma hissed at the overgrown furball with feathers that he violently kicked off. He was on fours, on the defensive, and watched the brats and their pet, making sure they didn't try to anything suspicious. If they made any type of unwanted movement, he would have slashed them down instantly.

"Hoe? Is this part of the Jusenkyo curse too, Syaoran-kun?" Sakura had never been confused so many times in one day. Nothing the older boy did made any sense to her; he could do things that she could only do with her Sakura Cards, he was super nice but so irritating, he changed gender with water, and now he was acting like a cat!

"I don't think so…" Syaoran was hesitant to give a definite answer since he didn't know much about the magic of Jusenkyo beyond its initial properties. Cold water to activate curse, warm or hot water to turn back, that was pretty much it for him.

"Ara…" Tomoyo turned her camera back on and slowly pointed it back at Ranma. It wasn't very often they came across a grown-up acting like a feline.

"This guy's pissing me off…" Keroberos wanted to attack again but damn, that kick to the head really hurt so he just stood guard, ready to erect a magic barrier to protect the children. "Dammit, we could really use Yue right now but Yukito has that part-time job with Touya." Stupid Yue, if only he didn't make his human form late for work so many times, then the manager wouldn't have minded him taking a day off.

Neko-Ranma snarled at his enemies, especially the big cat who dared to stand in his way and challenge him. Just as he got ready to cut them all down with a swipe of his claws, a deep-blue butterfly caught his attention and he scampered off to chase it while playfully batting at it.

"Merow! Merow~~~!"

The cardcaptor group blankly watched as their formidable foe completely ignored them to play with a bug.

"Ano, should we go after him?"

It would be a while before anyone could find the words to answer Tomoyo…

* * *

><p>Neko-Ranma was having a blast chasing his new target. The pretty butterfly was so interesting, it glittered and shined in the sunlight; he found it really pretty. "Merow!" He made a sudden leap to finally catch his prey but the moment he touched the insect, it exploded into blue glitter.<p>

Shaking his head and meowing in confusion, he scratched and sniffed the ground that the sparkly residue was scattered on. The human-cat was badly rattled when the glitter suddenly formed a mirror, and a beautiful woman with long jet-black hair and red eyes looked back at him from within. "Merow…" He didn't know what to make of this, he should have freaked out by now and run away, but the way the mirror lady smiled at him made him feel warm and safe.

As quickly as the mirror and the reflection showed up, they both vanished almost immediately. Distressed at having the beauty disappear from his sight, he started to hiss and wail. Suddenly, Neko-Ranma's ears perked up at an unknown sound and he looked around, ready to strike in case there was any danger. Eyeing a nearby tree that smelled different from the rest, he was caught off guard when that same woman from the mirror slowly walked out of the shadows and sat down near him.

Neko-Ranma eyed her warily but cautiously walked forward when she beckoned for him, and he purred happily when she scratched under his chin and petted his hair. He took a deep breath and purred louder when he found that even her mere scent was therapeutic and smelled heavenly. Whoever this lady was, he was starting to wish he could stay by her side and just inhale her scent for life.

"Don't you make a beautiful specimen of feline superiority, Ranma-kun. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a cat in a past life, but of course I do know that to be a fact, hehehe." Even her voice was calming and soothing. It felt like every word was accompanied by a musical melody. He didn't know what she was saying about past lives, but he knew that he never wanted her to stop touching or talking to him.

Feeling the urge to explore every inch of her soft body, Neko-Ranma nuzzled up to her chest and then licked her neck. This action caused the woman to laugh beautifully, creating even more pleasant feelings in him. "Oh my, I never realized how friendly you were in this state. Makes me wish I'd have come to you sooner when you were in cat-form."

He nearly whined when she gently pushed him off her and stood up, smoothing her dress out. "Now, now, Ranma-kun, don't you look at me with those deep kitty-cat eyes. There'll be more time for hugs and kisses later. For now…" He purred contently when the woman cupped his face and deeply kissed him, and then looked into his blue eyes with her beautiful red ones, "…sleep, my beloved."

Neko-Ranma didn't know why but he was feeling so tired all of a sudden. He forced his eyes to stay open though, because he didn't want to stop looking at his new mistress. She resembled a goddess with the sun shining off her hair, and she smelled so good.

He fought off the fatigue with all his might, but eventually fell victim to it. The last thing he heard was, "Don't fret my love, the time when you and I properly meet will come soon. Until then my precious destined, please dream. Dream of things you dare not wish for out loud, and I shall grant you your wish… for a price that is."

"…"

Blinking his eyes open, Ranma woke up feeling rejuvenated and alert. _'Weird, it feels like my entire body is tingling right now. What happened to me?'_ He found himself lying on the couch in a beautiful house, not one he recognized though. But he had a comfy blanket and pillow so he guessed the people here were at least nice. _'Okay, last thing I remember is seeing that big cat… wait, cat… cat, cat, cat, what the hell, usually I can't even think that word without freakin' out.'_

"Saotome-san, you're awake." Ranma looked up to see Syaoran carrying in a platter of drinks and snacks.

"Syaoran? Where the hell am I?" He stretched his arms up and loudly yawned, still a bit tired. It was the oddest thing, he felt really lonely all of a sudden, like he was missing somebody but didn't know who.

The young boy set the food and refreshments down on the table, and handed the man a cup of tea. "You're at Sakura's house right now. After whatever it is happened to you, we searched around until we found you sleeping in the middle of the sidewalk, so we decided to take you back to Tomoeda to recuperate."

Ranma drank the minty tasting tea and scratched his head puzzled. "You little kids actually carried me back all the way from Nerima to Tomoeda?"

"No, we all flew back here on Keroberos' back."

Before Ranma could say anything else, he heard footsteps descending from another part of the house. "Hoe, Ranma-san, you're awake! Thank goodness, we were so worried!" Sakura and Tomoyo were near the stairs, looking happy and relieved at the sight of him. This was a pleasant new experience for him, usually people just seemed pissed at the mere mention of his name, never mind what his actual presence did.

"Oh, ebi-chan, camera-chan, I'm so touched. It's not often that I have two cute girls taking such good care of me." That wasn't exactly true. He had girls fawning over him all the time but in most cases, they were the very reason why he needed medical attention to begin with.

Tomoyo blushed at the compliment, while Sakura turned red in anger and stomped her tiny feet around. "Hoe! I've told you before, I am not a shrimp!"

"Hahahaha, you're just so easy to tease, ebi-chan!" Ranma laughed at the sight of the little girl who looked ready to kick his ass. Syaoran was forced to hold back his girlfriend before she could tackle the larger figure to the ground, and pound him into oblivion.

"Sakura, it's okay, Saotome-san was just kidding. Why don't we just have some snacks?" The combination of snacks being mentioned and the fact that Syaoran was unknowingly hugging her calmed her right down.

"Woooo! Get a room, lovebirds!" Ranma hollered with Tomoyo giggling, happily recording the couple's embrace.

The two former cardcaptors jumped apart, blushing bright enough to light up the room.

"I changed my mind, we should kill him." Syaoran growled.

"HOE~~~~! You better stop teasing me!" Sakura shook her fist threateningly at the teen.

Ranma found that it was a lot of fun to joke around with the Card Mistress and before he could continue, an escalating scream was heard coming down the stairs, "sna~~~~~~~~~CKS!"

Everyone turned their head to see Kero, in toy form, flying down with a huge drooling grin on his face. "SNA~~~~CKS!" He bellowed once more, rapidly looking around for his precious treasure. "WHERE ARE THEY? BRING ON THE SNACKS, BABY!"

Kero finally spied them on the table and rushed to gobble them all up, but just then a familiar grip plucked him out of the air. His tiny body was slowly brought up to the face of one Saotome Ranma. "Hey plushie… I've really gotta know now, where do your batteries go? Are they in your giant head or somethin'?"

Ranma was forced to let go again before the doll could bite his hand.

"Grrrr~~~~" Kero tried to growl as intimidating as possible, but that was hard to achieve when his voice sounded like he inhaled helium. He was surprised when Ranma raised a finger to his face and flicked him straight into the kitchen, crashing into the pantry.

Syaoran howled in laughter at the sight of one of his two rivals humiliated so effortlessly. Sakura and Tomoyo were reprimanding Ranma for being a bully when a loud roar echoed from the kitchen causing the teen to freeze up in shock, the three kids looked at him curiously.

"Ara, Ranma-san? Are you okay…?"

"Hoe, not again. I thought I fixed this."

"Guess it didn't work, both of you get behind me." Syaoran pulled the girls behind him, while he prepared a wind ofuda just in case Ranma went nuts again. He knew Sakura didn't have her cards with her, since she usually put them away in her book after a mission. His magic spell would buy her the time necessary to retrieve them.

Keroberos, mighty Sun Guardian of the Sakura Cards, walked out of the kitchen covered in flour, soy sauce, and other cooking liquids. He was purposely strutting slowly because he thought it made him look cool and fierce, finally he made eye contact with his pigtailed archenemy and let out a low growl. _'Yea, you scaredy-cat who's scared of cats, I'm gonna kick your butt…'_

Ranma gulped at the sight of the huge feline, he still couldn't believe a cat that big existed. "AHHH! CAA~~~~aaaat…" He slowly trailed off at hearing his own half-assed scream of terror, it sounded so forced, like he did it in reflex rather than actual fear. There was also the suspicious absence of panic he usually felt too.

What the hell was going on? Where was the fear, the panic, the rush of horror at the mere mention of a cat? Ranma was gawking at the largest feline he's ever seen, and not even a shudder was passing through him. A minute passed of racking his brain trying to find the answer, and he finally looked at Sakura as her previous words caught up to him. "You fixed this?"

"Sakura, you didn't!" Keroberos couldn't believe it, why would she help this guy after all the trouble he's caused them. Plus, the jerk kept throwing him around like he was a doll! "Please tell me you didn't use your magic to help him! You shouldn't make important decisions like that without me!"

"Magic?" Ranma was intrigued at that, this was the first time all day he heard what these kids' powers were. he was disappointed to find out that her powers were something he couldn't learn through martial arts. _'Magic would explain how she can do all those things though. Can't believe I didn't figure it out earlier from the auras… guess I was in shock at how strong she was.'_

Due to his many encounters with magic, Ranma figured out that the aura of a martial artist was vastly differently from the aura of a magical being. The best examples he could think of were Panda Doodle, Oni, and Mirror Ranma, and how they felt like the total opposites of Ryoga, Mousse, and Taro. To him, a magical aura felt lighter like one was floating in a sea of endless water; it was calming, soothing, and relaxing. While the aura of fighters, or physical aura as he dubbed it, felt heavier like one was getting crushed by a mountain; it was overwhelming and suffocating.

Sakura admonished her guardian with a finger wag. "Kero-chan, it's your own fault for going straight for the snacks when we got home. Syaoran-kun told us about Ranma-san's fear of cats and we had a discussion on how to get rid of it, to apologize for bothering him and everyone in Nerima today."

Ranma quickly interrupted in a panic. "Whoa, wait a minute. Please tell me ya didn't use magic to get rid of my fear. Cause me and magic don't really mesh well together." He thought about Jusenkyo, the Dragon's Whisker, the Nanban Mirror, the Wishing Sword, the Koi Rod, the Glasses of Invincibility, the Reversal Jewel, and a buttload of other magical stuff that caused him more trouble than good.

"Ara, it's okay Ranma-san. Sakura-chan is the strongest magician in the world, so you don't have to worry about any mistakes."

"Hoe, Tomoyo-chan…" Sakura whined in embarrassment, her face could pass off for a tomato.

Ranma raised an eyebrow at that. He knew the girl was strong; her aura practically shoved that in his face, but being the strongest? Looking at the innocent face of a girl barely out of puberty, he doubted anyone would blame him for being skeptical.

Syaoran saw the older man's look of 'yea right' and immediately defended the statement. "It's true, whether you believe it not, it doesn't change the fact that Kinomoto Sakura is the holder of the most powerful magical source on the planet. She's capable of doing things that nobody else can ever do, even if they had hundreds of years."

Keroberos quickly jumped to the aid of his mistress too. "That's right, punk. If she really wanted to, Sakura could blanket the entire planet in darkness. Or have it rain or snow everywhere at once, forever! She can even evaporate the oceans with fire hotter than the sun! She's super-duper strong!"

The more praise everyone kept lavishing upon her, the redder Sakura's face got. "Hoe, please stop everyone, I'm not that strong…"

"YOU ARE!" Her boyfriend, best friend, and guardian loudly disagreed at the same time.

"HOE~~~~!"

Ranma was still doubtful but couldn't really find any reason to argue. His eye got an odd twitch at the thought of what this news would do to his reputation, and he dramatically fell onto his hands and knees with a facial expression as if something in him had died. It was a devastating blow to Ranma's pride and ego to know that a little shrimp, several years his junior, had more power than the entirety of Nerima, maybe all of Japan too. And that was quite a statement considering all the freaks, aliens, monsters, goddesses, demon hunters, cat-robots, and sailor scouts he knew.

"I can't believe it; a little girl is stronger than me. A little girl who dresses up in anime clothing is more powerful than me, but… but it can't be true, I'm supposed to be the best. This is gonna make me a laughing stock back home. THIS JUST CAN'T BE TRUE!" Everyone sweatdropped as the man was having an apparent mental breakdown. He was babbling to himself in denial and shouted out that last part.

Oh crap, Ranma just thought of something that hit him harder than a mallet. How manly could he be if a young girl who had a fetish for cosplay was stronger than him?

"NOOOO~~~~ I DON'T WANT TO COMMIT SEPPUKU!"

"Hoe! Please don't kill yourself, Ranma-san! Even though I have my magic, you could have easily beaten me up. You're really strong and so fast too. I couldn't even see you move that time you took my staff away." Sakura didn't want Ranma to feel any way inferior to her, especially since he was so powerful in his own way. This was one of the reasons why she didn't like being praised on her achievements. It was like bragging and it always hurt other peoples' feelings, and that made her feel terrible.

Ranma snapped out of his funk and gave a small smile at the look of sadness and hope Sakura was giving him. This girl really was the sweetest person he ever met; instead of gloating about how much better she was over him, like he would have done, she was actually defending his good points.

"Thanks for trying to cheer me up, ebi-chan but from what I've heard today, you held back a lot yourself. My friend told me that you stuck him in a maze and you could freeze time too, I don't remember you doing that with me." He couldn't compete with something like that, even he wasn't stupid enough to try and train for a nonexistent technique that could counter time control.

'_Wait, maybe that old lecher would know something…' _Nah, Ranma mentally bonked himself over the head,_ 'Nothing's worth the humiliation of asking for that pervert freak's help. Probably try and get me to wear girly lingerie and crap like usual.' _

Sakura blushed at being caught. "I didn't want to use anything too dangerous or else I could have really hurt you…" She started sniffling with tears forming in her eyes, "I'm always afraid of accidently creating a bigger mess for everyone around me. It's scary sometimes, being able to do all this stuff. I don't ever want to use my magic to hurt someone. I only used 'Time' because I really needed to…"

The teen hesitantly scooped up the crying girl into his arms and gently patted her back. Ranma never imagined it could be so horrible to be too powerful. One of the many things he loved about fighting was the enjoyment of going all out against certain people, and knowing that they could take it and respond back with just as much passion. He recalled how earlier today, he was bored in the fight against Sakura because of how much he was forced to hold back. This young girl did the same thing, only she did so all the time or else she could probably kill her opponents effortlessly. He wanted to become stronger and more powerful, but not at the price of having to gimp himself every single fight. Ranma felt empty just at the thought of that.

Being the best was one thing, but maybe having too much power was bad…?

But how he needed more power to be the best.

Ranma shook his head of the conflicting thoughts, and looked down at the girl who was just sniffling sadly into his chest. He gave his best smile to try and cheer her up, and was pleased to be rewarded with a beautiful smile of her own. Upon careful deliberation, he decided the moment needed more comedy. "Be careful ebi-chan, if you keep crying like that, you're going flood the whole world even without magic."

It was always better to have a girl pissed at him then crying over him.

"Hoe!" Sakura stepped on his foot hard, causing him to roll around on the floor in pain.

Ranma watched from the ground as the girl angrily walked back to her friends, and gave him an icy stare that could freeze lava. "Hehehe, doesn't look like ebi-chan wants to talk to me anymore. Camera-chan, you mind telling me how she fixed my fear of cats? I'm really curious, ya know."

He wanted answers but Tomoyo seemed to be ignoring him in favor of recording Sakura. "Ara, a crying Sakura-chan is so adorable too. Please cry some more cute tears for me, Sakura-chan. Fufufufufu…"

Sakura sweatdropped and gave the older teen a final glare before running up to her room to get her cards. Tomoyo waited until the door slammed before responding to the question. "Well, Sakura-chan has these magical powers that let her do amazing things, and she used one of them to erase your phobia. It was done really quickly, with no problems."

He wanted to ask more questions when a beautiful pale-skinned woman suddenly draped herself over his shoulders. She was clothed in a yellow-and-white-patterned court jester's outfit, had a large ruff around her neck, and a long hat with two long points that touched the floor. Ranma watched, wide-eyed, as the unknown female cheerfully waved at him, and he hesitantly responded with one of his own. "Ummm… what the heck are you supposed to be?" He knew he said the wrong thing when the clown woman puffed her cheeks in irritation, and made his pants disappear with a snap of her fingers.

"What the hell!" Ranma dove for cover behind the couch to shield his boxer-clad self, usually he didn't have a problem with nudity but there were little girls present.

Syaoran and Keroberos snickered, while Tomoyo giggled. "Ano, Ranma-san, you really shouldn't call a woman a 'what'."

He took glanced at the ghost-like woman who looked really pissed with him, something he was used to. So Ranma did the only thing he knew how to do when confronted with an angry woman, he gently petted her head and called her… "Cute. You really are a cute girl, ya know."

The Sakura Card blushed, happy at the compliment and pasted herself onto him once more, but this time nuzzled his cheek too, much to his distress. "Umm… can I have my pants back now, please?" Another snap of the fingers and he was fully clothed again.

"Whew, can someone tell me what's going on? Ebi-chan?"

Ranma turned to Sakura, who stood nearby holding a pink book in her arms. "Ranma-san, meet 'Erase,' she's the card that took away the memories of your fear of cats. I think she likes you…" That was an understatement, 'Erase' forced him onto the couch and sat down on his lap, cuddling him. "Hoe, I've never seen one of my cards act like this before."

It figured, only he could get a magical card woman to flirt with him.

Wait, why was he feeling a breeze…?

The other residents in the house stared blankly at the pair on the couch, feeling very uncomfortable as 'Erase' erased the panicked man's clothes, piece by piece, all the while giggling. They didn't even know the cards could giggle.

Sakura was beyond embarrassed by the time Ranma was stripped to all but his boxers and socks. She finally lost it when the card took out a can of whip cream. "Hoe! 'Erase!' That's enough, time to go back now! Get off Ranma-san already." The card pouted at having her fun cut off right before the good part, and blew a kiss to the cutie before returning back to card-form and her mistress.

"What the heck was that about?" Keroberos asked numbly. In all his years as Guardian of the Cards, he'd never seen any of them act like that before. He knew the Clow Cards, now turned Sakura Cards had their own minds and personalities, but to see one of them try to seduce a human and have an apparent kink for whip cream. That was just plain weird.

Tittering to herself, Tomoyo was glad she had an extra battery pack because she found the entire scene to be too wonderful. Oh, she always did love a good comedy romance.

Sakura looked at her book nervously, wondering if her other cards would act the same way as 'Erase.' "I was planning on showing you a few more cards, but now I'm not too sure." She turned to the teen only to quickly lower her gaze again, geez her face was going to be permanently red if this kept up. "Hoe… 'Erase,' bring back Ranma-san's clothes, please."

Ranma sighed in relief as his clothes reappeared and he leapt over the couch. "Wow, I'm not even in Nerima anymore and I'm still getting harassed by weird women. This is getting ridiculous, dammit, I really wish I could go back to therapy."

"Why don't you?" Syaoran questioned, still traumatized at seeing the former Clow Card act like a horny teenager who wanted to get laid.

"It's a long story." He didn't know what was worse; a 20,000 year old alien pervert or a magical card pervert. Both seemed to enjoy putting whip cream on him too. Crap, choices like that were almost enough to make him want to marry a Nerima fiancée.

To get rid of the awkward silence, Ranma returned his attention back to the kids and winged cat. "So you're all telling me that she…" He pointed at Sakura, "…just told a magic card to erase my fear of cats, and that woman in the card made it happened? Just like that?"

Everyone nodded at once. That was pretty much exactly what happened.

"Huh… hey, can you erase my Jusenkyo curse too?" He would have been more excited at the prospect of another possible cure for his affliction, but countless disappointments taught him to never get his hopes up anymore.

Sakura pouted disappointedly and shook her head. Yup, he knew it; even the so-called strongest magician in the world couldn't cure him. "I'm sorry Ranma-san, I wanted to try but Syaoran-kun told me that he wasn't sure how my magic would interact with the magic of Jusenkyo. For all we know, it might accidently make turn you into a girl forever."

"Yea, I think it was a good thing you didn't try then." Ranma shuddered at the image of becoming his cursed-form permanently. He wouldn't even have the 'Spring of Drowned Boy' to regain his manhood since the pools of Jusenkyo were still over flooded.

Syaoran took a few bites of the cookies he put out. "We wanted to get a second opinion just in case, so we called an acquaintance we know in England…"

"He's a friend!" Sakura interrupted.

"That's debatable."

"Eriol-kun's helped us a lot. If it wasn't for him, I never would have transformed all the Clow Cards in time."

"Hiiragizawa tried to kill you!"

"They were tests to make sure I was ready, and it all worked out in the end…"

"He. Tried. To. Kill. You."

"Hoe…" Sakura couldn't really say anything against that. Even though Eriol, formerly Clow Reed in his past life, wanted nothing but the best for her, it was hard to put up a proper defense for someone who did put her through several life-threatening trials and tried to engulf Tomoeda in eternal darkness.

Sakura had friends who tried to kill her before too… Ranma decided he had more in common with the little girl than he originally thought.

"Anyway, a 'friend'…" Syaoran said the word with an eyeroll, "…told us on the phone, that even he was unaware where the cursed pools of Jusenkyo originated from. He thinks it might have been created by an old rival of his from the past. He went into further detail saying even though Sakura has the most powerful magic in the world, she's still inexperienced so it's risky to try and get her to do a curse removal. It's not easy to get rid of curses in general, especially powerful ones at least without dire consequences."

Ranma couldn't have heard that right; an old rival of this guy's created Jusenkyo?

"I guess this Eriol must be pretty strong himself to have taken on ebi-chan." He was met with silence and uncomfortable looks from everyone.

"Yea, you can say that…" Keroberos drawled. How could he explain to someone outside of the "family," that Hiiragizawa Eriol was once a person who held the title of the most powerful magician in existence, but had long since reincarnated himself into two different people, and passed on his title and magical cards to a then elementary school student.

It was hard to swallow, even for him, and he was a talking, flying, fire-breathing lion!

The atmosphere was met with another awkward silence before a loud inhuman growl filled the room. The three children turned to Keroberos who shook his head in denial. "It wasn't me."

Another growl erupted and all four shifted their attention to Ranma, who laughed nervously as his stomach rumbled again. "Hehehe, sorry 'bout that, I'm starvin'." He looked for the snacks that were previously laid out on the table, only to find them mysteriously gone. The humans sweatdropped at the magical guardian trying to whistle innocently.

"What are you all looking at me for? I most certainly did not eat all the cookies and cake while you were talking about Eriol." This might have gone over better if Keroberos didn't have crumbs all over his fur. "Hehehe… it really wasn't me?"

"Hoe, Kero-chan…"

"Unbelievable. You could have at least saved us a few cookies, you stupid plush toy."

"Kero-chan, that wasn't very proper behavior with a guest around."

Said guest didn't really care that the fat lion ate all the junk food, just as long as there was more food around. "Nah, don't worry about it. I'm used to having food stolen by a greedy, gluttonous animal."

Keroberos transformed back into his toy-form and flew in front of Ranma's face. "Who are you calling greedy, you stupid punk? Grrr…OW!" His growling was cut off when the person he was trying to intimidate just smacked him to the floor and stepped on him while walking by.

"Alright kiddies, let's see what you've got to eat around this joint. I might as well cook a nice meal for you as thanks for helping get rid of my fear of cats." Ranma ignored the flatten plushie, and ushered the girls and chuckling boy over to the kitchen. Looking around, he had to admit this house was much nicer than the Tendo home, it probably helped that the household had a steady income and more than one person doing the chores. He opened the refrigerator to see it fully stocked with lots of food. "Wow, your folks must do the shopping every day."

Sakura looked sad for a moment before putting on a tiny smile. "Only my dad, my mother passed away when I was a baby."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, ebi-chan," Ranma uttered sheepishly. Crap, he had such a big mouth, all he seemed to be doing today was making the little girl cry. Well, he knew one guaranteed trick that never failed to impress, and hopefully it would cheer her back up. He took out several pieces of tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, and cucumbers, and quickly washed them; he wore gloves for the cold water. Then he placed a salad bowl and two knives on the table, and got ready for the show. "Hey kids, make sure you don't blink." Ranma picked up all the fruits and vegetables into his arms and threw them in the air, and then he picked up the knives and quickly sliced the air a few times. In a matter of seconds, the newly-made salad fell down onto the bowl in a neat, perfect arrangement.

"Hoe!" Sakura couldn't believe it. That was so amazing, she wasn't sure she could do that even with magic.

Syaoran was just speechless, and Tomoyo was really glad she had her camera because her mother was never going to believe this without actual proof.

Clapping suddenly filled the kitchen and everyone turned to see two tall men who had just walked in. One had dark brown hair that was parted to the side; he had a bored expression on and didn't look very impressed at the display. The other had gray hair and was wearing glasses; he was the source of the clapping.

"That was great. I've never seen a magic trick like that before. Have you, Touya?"

"It looked more like showing off to me."

"Yukito-san! Onii-chan!"

Ranma couldn't believe it; his eyes had to be playing tricks on him. There was no way to explain it, but both of these guys seemed to be sharing the exact same magical aura.

"Who the hell is this?" Touya looked at the teen with disdain. Then he directed a glare at the Chinese gaki standing way too close to his kaijuu; his glare intensified when the boy returned the look.

The other just smiled and bowed. "Tsukishiro Yukito, pleased to meet you."

"Kinomoto Touya." The tall brunette introduced himself without stopping his heated starring contest his sister's boyfriend.

"Ah yea, Saotome Ranma here…"

After a few more seconds, Ranma's was still gawking at the two men and Touya spoke up. "Oi, is something the matter? You haven't stopped gawking at me and Yuki since we got here. What are you doing here anyway, aren't you a little old to be hanging out with kids."

"Onii-chan, don't be so rude!" Sakura stepped on her brother's foot causing him to hop up and down in pain.

"Ano, Ranma-san, are you alright?" Tomoyo quietly inquired, she was worried because the teen hadn't blinked in a while.

Ranma shook his head and decided to figure out the mystery later. "Oh sorry about that uhh… I, umm… I just never saw someone with gray hair before… yea, that's it…" God, he sucked at lying. That was so pathetic, who in their right mind would believe that.

"Oh, I know, my hair is pretty weird, isn't it? I was actually born with it so it's natural."

"Hoe, Yukito-san, I don't think your hair is weird. It makes you look unique."

Ranma's eyebrow twitched. Was his lame ass excuse actually working? He couldn't believe how naive these two were; he ignored the inner-Nabiki voice saying he was more so than them.

"So who wants to eat?" He quickly changed the subject, and turned back to the kitchen top to make his simple but flavorful vinaigrette dressing, then grated some cheese on top of the salad. This was always a huge hit with his mom whenever he cooked at home, something he didn't do often because of Akane's jealously. _'Baka Otemba, it's not my fault you suck at cooking, maybe I can ask ebi-chan to help you… nah…'_

Touya put an arm around his sister and pulled her against him. "That's okay. I usually do the cooking when Tou-san comes home late. Kaijuu can wait to eat too." Normally he wouldn't turn down the chance to not cook, but he didn't want Sakura eating some stranger's cooking. He didn't know this guy, so he didn't trust him. He was forced to let go of his little monster when she stomped down on his other foot.

"Onii-chan, I can speak for myself! And I am not a kaijuu!" Sakura kicked him in the shin before walking up to the salad bowl. She took one of the tomato slices and smiled big at the wonderful taste. "Hoe, this is so good! What kind of dressing is this?"

Ranma chuckled in pride, "Oh, it's just something I whipped up one day. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I really only got into cooking a few months ago." He didn't care much about the art of preparing food before, but that was before he was forced to take a cooking elective class at school. When he decided to opt out of the course, everyone kept making fun of him behind his back, spreading lies that he was secretly a worse cook than Akane. He was so irritated at the thought of people believing the tomboy was better than him at anything, that ever since then he strived to become the best chef ever, just so he could shove that fact in everyone's big dumb face!

He smiled at the sight of everyone, minus Touya, enjoying his salad. He was mentally patting himself on the back for the successful appetizer as he got out ingredients for the entrée and main dish. _'Yea, suck it, all you idiots. There's nothing Saotome Ranma can't become the best at!'_

Ranma was putting water in a large pot to prepare for the ramen noodles when the pipes began to sputter and stop. He lightly tapped the faucet, and crooked his head to check inside it. At that moment, the water chose to rush back out and completely soaked him. "Great, that freakin' figures."

The now female Ranma-chan saw a bright glow emanate from behind her and felt a strong aura appear. She turned around to see a white-haired angel glaring heatedly at her, holding what looked to be a bow and arrow made of energy, right at her face.

Peering around the room, Ranma-chan saw that the kids had gotten used to her curse and was looking at her gender change with merriment. Touya was looking at her with a perplexed expression, but at least he wasn't freaking out. She noted that the final inhabitant of the kitchen seemed to be missing, before bringing her full attention back to… "Yukito, right? Your aura, his, and Touya's seem to be exactly the same. I'm actually curious about that cause that's pretty weird, and this is coming from someone who can turn into a girl."

Yue was startled that this human managed to deduce his false identity so quickly, before pulling back the arrow. "Leave this house now. I don't know who you are, but you seem to be cursed from Jusenkyo, your type of dark magic isn't wanted here."

Ranma-chan blinked in surprise and looked herself over. "That's weird. How can you even tell that… hey wait, you know about Jusenkyo?"

"My previous master told me about the cursed pools, and the horrors they bring about to unsuspecting travelers. Now get out of…" Yue stopped to roll his eyes at hearing a familiar whine from the living room. He irritably eyed the Sun Guardian; they may have been best friends and brothers, but the lion beast could be such a pain at times.

"I knew it! Clow never told me anything about this Gesundheit or whatever. I always knew he liked you better than me!" Keroberos, once again in his true form, wailed at the travesty of playing second fiddle to an overgrown pigeon.

"Clow did tell you, maybe if you actually bothered to listen once in a while instead of always stuffing your face."

Keroberos just ignore that fact and continued his tirade. "I don't know why everyone likes you better. I'm better looking, I'm cuddlier, I've actually got a personality, and I'm stronger to boot!"

Yue visibly twitched at that last part. "Stronger, you say… Is that right, Keroberos?"

Making eye contact with the Moon Guardian, the great lion beast narrowed his eyes and growled threateningly. "Damn right it is, want to make something of it, Yue?"

He did, he really did. Yue wanted to teach his partner who the stronger guardian was, once and for all, but held back because of this unknown factor standing before him, and because his mistress frowned upon violence of any kind. "Hmph, I'll deal with you later. Now tell me who you are." He directed that last part back to the redhead who was munching away on some popcorn, while keeping the bag out of reach from the honey-blonde girl.

"Hoe, let me get some too!" A second later, Sakura laughed as she shook her head to get rid of the popcorn that got thrown at her, "I didn't mean like that! Hahahaha!"

Ranma-chan busted out chortling. "You said ya wanted some didn't ya, ebi-chan, hahaha…" She stopped upon noticing that the two guardians didn't look like they were going to fight anymore, and loudly booed to show her disappointment. She even threw popcorn at Yue in protest. "Boo~~~~! Man, this fight was so overhyped and it ended up in a prissy no-contest! I want a refund! I demand my money back, pigeon boy!"

She moved her head slightly to the side and let an arrow harmlessly fly pass her. "Going for a kill shot already? Wow, you're pretty hardcore, ain't ya?"

Seeing the Moon Guardian sneer and ready another arrow, Sakura tried to stop him but was cut off when a hand covered her mouth. She looked up to see Ranma-chan smirking condescendingly. "Before you try that again, let's take this outside so we don't ruin the lovely decor." The redhead swiftly made her way out the kitchen window and didn't have to wait long for Yue to follow her through the door. She led him towards a park with a big penguin slide in the middle, and sat down and ate her snack until her playmate arrived.

Ranma-chan was caught off-guard when a strong gust of wind blew away the area she was standing on, but she managed to avoid getting hurt by deftly jumping on top of the penguin slide.

She looked down to see Yue gently landing. "You have a wind attack too, huh? Oh well, isn't this better though, now we have more space… hey, watch it!" She was forced to narrowly avoid another energy arrow that was fired. But this came at a high price as she stared wide-eyed at her ruined popcorn; it was hard to eat out of a bag with a giant hole through it. A few tears formed in her eyes at the horrific sight of wasted food, especially yummy white cheddar popcorn.

"How could you? Trying to kill me is one thing, but destroying food… unforgiveable!" Ranma-chan concentrated a large amount of ki in the palm of her hands and readied the biggest energy blast of her life.

"MOKO TAKABISHA!"

Yue erected a magic barrier to protect himself, but the bright light of the energy forced him to cover his eyes. Just then, he felt something incredibly strong collide with his barrier and lowered his arm to see Ranma-chan holding her bruised hand, while jumping up and down in pain.

"OW! Son of a bitch, what the fuck was that?" Ranma-chan planned it so perfectly. Her Moko Takabisha was a complete psych-out, a perfect ruse. She just wanted to use the attack's bright energy to blind her opponent, so she could rush in with an Amaguriken and overwhelm him right off the bat. But her plan failed miserably when she painfully discovered that he had some kind of defense around him. Dammit, her hand really hurt now too, because she overextended her fist and collided with something that was well short of her initial target.

Ranma-chan did a double take when she took notice of the barrier that was still rippling from her earlier attack. "Well, I'll be damned, so ya got some kind of an energy shield for protection, huh?" She grinned viciously. "Doesn't look very strong to me, wonder how many more of my punches it could take."

"You'd be surprised how strong I am." Yue quickly summoned magic into his hands and fired multiple crystal shards to keep his opponent at a distance. Unfortunately, trying to hit the pigtailed martial artist was proving to be nearly impossible. She was moving so fast that by the time he fired one crystal, she was already at another location.

"Yea from the looks of it, your attacks are slow as hell though." Ranma-chan cackled arrogantly. "Even a gorilla tomboy I know can hit me faster than you."

Yue realized that long-range attacks wasn't going to work, so he formed an energy sword in his hand, hoping to use his flying speed close the distance. After a minute elapsed, he decided this tactic was another mistake, the girl was not only dodging him even more gracefully than she did his crystals, but was now purposely taunting him by poking his body in several places. He knew if she attacked those areas seriously, he would have been badly hurt.

Ranma-chan shook her head disappointingly; there was such a huge gap in skill between them, it was starting to feel like bullying to her. "Man, this is sad. You leave more openings than a novice. Do you know anything about martial arts?"

Yue growled in frustration as he gathered a large amount of magic in his hands causing Ranma-chan to grin and power up her own ki. "Well you may suck at fighting but you've got a ton of power in ya… MOKO TAKABISHA!"

The energy projectile collided with the magical arrow, and they canceled each out after a brief power struggle.

The Moon Guardian soared into the sky and fired another powerful arrow only to have the young woman avoid it by rolling to the side, and then she suddenly disappeared from his sight. He felt his shield shudder as the small redhead jumped in front of him and landed a strong punch, then another and another and another… Yue was amazed as her punching rate became too fast for him to see, even with his magically enhanced vision.

"Come out and play little turtle, don't make me rip your shell off!" Ranma-chan stopped her Amaguriken, and kicked off the air to position herself above Yue. This time she attacked with a single kick infused with ki, sending the bubble encased angel crashing down into the ground. After the dust cleared, she saw that Yue was unharmed due to his protection, but smirked in satisfaction at the cracks all around the shield. Now she understood it, physical attacks couldn't break that thing, no matter how strong or fast they were but her ki could.

The guardian felt the redhead gathering up a large amount of energy and knew his barrier couldn't survive a second attack. Yue hated to admit it, but this girl was more powerful than him. That conclusion was blatantly obvious after seeing the barrier take immense damage from just a single attack. He surrounded his arm with energy, and flew forward at his top speed to meet his enemy halfway as she rushed in with a punch. Just as his hand penetrated her neck, Yue was stunned to see her body dissipate into nothing. He gritted his teeth when her voice was heard from behind him. "You're the second person today to fall for an afterimage… AMAGURIKEN!"

After that, Yue felt a countless number of punches strike his bruised and battered body over and over, but before any more could hit him, he felt a magical barrier surround him…

"SHIELD!"

His mistress…

"OW~~~! Goddammit! Not again!" Ranma-chan lightly shook her hands, trying to get rid of the new pain coursing through her. Still gingerly rubbing her knuckles, she spotted Sakura kneel down near the fallen angel.

The young girl took out another card. "Hope! Please help Yue-san heal faster." She sighed in relief that her guardian was healing rapidly thanks to his own magic and her card's. Sakura sharply turned to the older woman who took a panicked step back.

Ranma-chan expected to get physically assaulted, but was alarmed when Sakura began to cry. "How could you! I thought you were a good person but look what you did to Yue-san!"

"But he started it…"

"That doesn't matter! You didn't have to hurt him so much!"

"I still went easy on him. I just didn't know his body was so wimpy like Saffron's…"

"It doesn't make it right. You shouldn't have fought at all…"

"Ebi-chan… I…"

The redhead stopped her pitiful defense when a hand clasped her shoulder, and Ranma-chan looked up to see Touya shaking his head, "Maybe, you should leave now. I know you probably didn't mean to cause trouble but that's what happened, so just give Sakura some space."

Ranma-chan took in the sight of the children and the magical cat tending to the injured angel, and smiled sadly at the realization that she really did do nothing but make the little girl cry… "Yea, all I do is cause trouble," She told Touya one last thing before she jumped away, "Hey, if it's any consolation, tell those kids that I'm sorry."

"I will…"

With that, Saotome Ranma left Tomoeda.

* * *

><p>A diminutive redhead slowly dragged her feet down an empty street, she could have easily rooftop hopped back home, but felt the extra walking time would let her get some desperately needed fresh air.<p>

"It wasn't my fault," she muttered bitterly, "He's the one who started the fight by attacking me, I just finished it…"

It was just like how Akane reacted whenever he fought Ryoga. He was always the guilty party despite never actually throwing the first punch. Alright, so she usually antagonized them into attacking her, but just because she threw out a few insults didn't mean they had to retaliate with violence, right…?

Ranma-chan took a few steps back when she passed by an alley and saw a few cats looking at her skittishly. She didn't feel remotely afraid at all. It was a real miracle. She never thought, not once in her life, that she would ever be able to face a cat without being scared stiff. And it was all thanks to Kinomoto Sakura, a little girl who she made cry more times today than she cared to admit.

"…What the hell is wrong with me?"

_Nothing, Ranma-san. _

"There's gotta be, all I do is make everything worse…" She was so deep into her thoughts that she didn't even notice the new voice enter her one-sided conversation.

_That's not true. Countless people have been touched by your kindness and generosity. _

"I think you got the wrong person here. I'm just a freak…"

_You are nothing of the sort. You have no idea how important you are to the fate of this world. _

"Important. Yea right, everyone would be better off without me."

_I don't think that's true, and neither does my daughter… _

"Ranma-san!" The sullen woman looked up to see Sakura along with Syaoran and Tomoyo riding on the back of Keroberos.

"Hoe, Rain!" Sakura created a warm rain shower over her head, turning the young woman back into a guy. "Sorry for that, but I know how much you hate being a girl."

Ranma had to marvel at that, he only mentioned that once in passing and she still remembered.

The atmosphere was tense so he just scuffled his feet on the ground. Ranma didn't know what to say to someone who was hurt so badly because of him. The last time he felt this crappy was when Akane nearly got herself killed at Jusendo. He swore to himself to never feel so weak or timid again, but he didn't want to say another stupid thing that would only end in more tears. Sakura wasn't like the usual crowd he associated with, she was a young girl who had an innocence to her as big as his ego; she was fragile compared to his own harden exterior.

"Look ebi-chan, I just wanna say…"

Sakura accidently interrupted as she quickly bowed to apologize. "I'm so sorry Ranma-san. Even though I don't like fighting, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, especially after all the trouble we caused in Nerima today. We did the same thing to everyone we met today, so it's not fair that I blamed you for what you did. I know Yue-san reacted badly to your curse, but it's only because he's so over protective of me. Please accept my apology for yelling at you."

Ranma was in disbelief, was someone actually saying sorry to him? Was a member of the female gender actually seeking forgiveness from Saotome Ranma?

From her sorrowful expression, he could tell that Sakura really meant every word of her apology too. It was unbelievable, in the short time since they've known each other; this little girl was treating him like an actual person, rather than someone to take their frustrations out on or an object to be won over.

Ranma smiled and patted the girl softly on the head, "You don't need to be sorry for anything, ebi-chan. I guess I was acting like a jerk, especially after you got rid of my fear of cats. Nobody's ever reacted so badly to me fighting like that though, but I guess things are a little different outside of Nerima, huh?"

"I still shouldn't have yelled at you," Sakura interjected. "I don't like that you fought, but Yue-san shouldn't have acted the way he did. I can't believe he threatened you like that."

Tomoyo chimed in her opinion. "I don't know what possessed Yue-san to react so badly, he's usually so calm and in control."

"He was probably just worried about Sakura getting hurt. He didn't want to risk the safety of his mistress because of an unknown force," Syaoran stated.

Sakura pouted sadly. "I know Yue-san cares about me, but I hope he doesn't react like that every time something weird happens. Not that I mean to insult you, Ranma-san, but your curse is so weird…"

Ranma waved off her concerns. "Please, my curse being called weird is nothing compared to some other things I've heard. I hope your friend is okay, I didn't mean for him to get beaten up so badly. I just thought he could take a few hits since he had such a strong aura."

Keroberos couldn't help but chuckle. "Hehe, it was pretty funny seeing him get trounced so easily though… but don't do it again, he may be a pain in my ass, but that birdbrain's still my best friend." His eyes hardened while staring down Ranma. The Moon Guardian may have been his complete opposite in everything, but they were still brothers given life to by Clow.

"Hey, I was holding back a lot, ya know. All I did was punch, how was I supposed to know he had such a weak body." Sure he may not have handled that situation very well, but Ranma didn't believe what he did was wrong. He got challenged, he met that challenge head on, and he dominated that challenge; just like he always did.

Sakura just looked crestfallen in response. "There are still better options than fighting. You could have talked it out with Yue-san, and just explain to him who you were."

The cursed martial artist smiled at her naivety. "Man, you are too freakin' cute, it's making my teeth rot here. Nobody I know would ever want to just talk, we usually solve problems with our fists, or mallet, or umbrellas, or bokkens, or hidden weapons, or giant spatulas…" He trailed off after thinking about the way people from home handled their problems, no wonder Sakura reacted so badly to what he did; Nerima-ites were all freaks!

"Tell ya what, ya promise not to cry around me again and I'll make a better effort to watch my mouth. Deal?" Ranma put out his pinky to make that promise. Silly foreigners and their handshakes, real manly men did pinky-promises!

Sakura happily nodded her head and hook her pinky around his. "Does this mean you'll be coming to visit us in Tomoeda more often?"

Ranma considered that for a moment, it would have aroused suspicion if he kept leaving town so often to go on a "training trip." He definitely didn't want Nabiki catching wind of this and selling everybody information about his whereabouts. It would be a cold day in hell before he ever let anything bad happen to these kids.

His eyes widened at finally grasping what felt so different about today.

He wasn't bored. For the first time in months since the Jusendo incident, Ranma wasn't bored out of his mind and was actually having fun just doing regular things. He got to meet some new people and came across fantastical magic powers, he got to show off his martial arts and cooking skills without anyone hounding him, and… he looked the honey blonde girl and her hopeful eyes.

…and he found a new reason to get stronger besides the desire to be the best.

Ranma remembered how frightened she was at the thought of her magic hurting anyone, how scared she seemed to be at her own power. She needed to know that there were some people whom she wouldn't accidently hurt, even with her tremendous power; someone as pure and innocent as her should never have to cry or be afraid of herself again.

He put on a small smile. "I'm gonna get stronger for you."

"Hoe?" Sakura was confused at the sudden revelation, but it seemed like her new friend was going to be staying so she put on a sunny smile too. "Does that mean you'll come see us again?" When he nodded, she jumped up with a squeal and hugged him.

"I should be going now though, it is getting pretty late. See ya…" He was hesitant to leave, especially since the kids looked saddened at the abrupt goodbye, but he needed to go before anyone from Nerima decided to look for him. As he was turning around, Tomoyo gently grabbed his hand and smiled at him.

"What's up, camera-chan?"

"We still haven't had dinner yet, and you looked so eager to show us how great a cook you were." She didn't really care about dinner, they could have just ordered out or had Touya cook, but she knew everyone including Ranma wanted to enjoy each other's company some more. This was just a convenient excuse.

"Oh yea, I still have to thank you for erasing my fear, and I do cook a mean bowl of ramen too. I've had lots of practice." Ranma's face scrunched up at remembering all those times he worked for the ol' ghoul. Man, what a slave driver Obaba was.

Syaoran's eyes lit up at the mention of Chinese cuisine. "You were going to cook ramen? I haven't had a good bowl in a long time, there's a restaurant in Nerima that's famous for that but we couldn't go because of our card search."

"You're talking about the Nekohanten? I used to work there to repay some favors I owed."

Ranma wanted to say more but was cut off when Kero, in plushie form flew up to his face wearing a serious expression. "Okay, I've got only one thing to ask you, punk… can you make desserts? Please tell me you know how to make desserts! You've got to know! CAKE! COOKIES! SUGAR!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Ummm… I know some recipes for cookies, a few different cakes, brownies, and ice cream. I usually make them for my mom when I get into trouble." Ranma let out a few more words, but couldn't be heard clearly because of the plush toy that glomped onto his face.

Kero had the biggest grin on his face, "You've got to come back with us! NOW!"

Everyone bigsweated this time.

"Yea sure…" Ranma nodded and plucked the plushie off him. He looked impassively as Yue landed down in front of them.

Sakura immediately ran up to him and worriedly asked, "Yue-san, you should be back in bed. You were hurt pretty badly."

Yue shook his head and looked at his mistress with kind eyes. "It's okay Sakura. I've already gotten much better thanks to you." He directed his full attention back to the man who handed him a crushing defeat, "My apologies for before, I acted brashly. I simply wanted to make sure my mistress wasn't going to be harmed."

"Nah, don't worry about it. You only wanted to protect ebi-chan there. Besides I get it, I would have freaked out too if someone turned into a girl right in front of me." Ranma remembered the first day he got cursed and the collision of dark, negative emotions he felt for weeks at everything, especially his Oyaji who dragged them there without knowing how to read Chinese.

"Still I wish there was some way for me to pay you back for my rash behavior." Yue didn't want this mistake to sully his reputation. Such reckless behavior was fit for Keroberos, not for him.

"It's really okay…"

"No, I must insist."

"Look, seriously, it's alright. We talked trash, we bumped heads, I won, and now we apologized. That's the end of that." Ranma was bewildered at the guy's persistence, what was wrong with him? Didn't he know that's how all Ranma-fights were supposed to end?

Well, there was one other thing too…

"Unless you want me to hit you with a mallet."

Yue blinked, that was the oddest thing he ever heard a person say. "Excuse me?"

Ranma nodded and took out a giant mallet from his sleeve. "Yea, back home, apologizing is usually followed by a mallet hit. You want one of those?"

"…Since you've already accepted my forgiveness, I don't think that's necessary." The Moon Guardian decided that from now on he was going to be more patient in confronting new people. He didn't accidently want to get on the bad side of someone who thought getting hit with a mallet was normal.

Syaoran gawked at the blunt weapon in the older boy's hand. "Where did that hammer come from?"

"It's not a hammer, it's a mallet."

"Really, that's the part you have a problem with?"

Sakura and Tomoyo were so confused. How did the conversation suddenly go from apologies to the topic of mallets?

"Wai, there's a bunch of more stuff in here! Scrolls, books, dumbbells, even food!" Keroberos shouted after he dove into Ranma's shirt, "Wai, wai! There are cupcakes here too!"

"Hey, don't eat all of them! My mom baked me those for a snack!" Ranma saw how obsessed the plush toy was with sweets, and he didn't want to lose all his emergency junk food to a stomach bigger than his.

Syaoran and Yue each grabbed a cupcake that flew out of Ranma's shirt. They raised an eyebrow at each other before taking a small bite, and were pleasantly surprised to find that it was quite good.

"Hoe, what's happening here…?" Sakura whispered into her cupcake, while Tomoyo just shrugged and ate one of her own. They had a feeling things were going to get a lot more interesting from now on.

"Come on, let's go already, it is getting pretty late and I want to buy some more ingredients cause I'm planning to cook up a storm tonight." Ranma gave up on getting the plushie out and started to lead everyone back to Tomoeda. What the hell, he might as well stay longer and have more fun. He'd already been gone for the entire day, a few more hours wasn't going to lessen the pain waiting for him back home.

Ranma felt that the bad air between him and the group was almost cleared, but the curiosity was too much as he asked Yue a question that was still bugging him. "Alright, I've got to know. What's going on with your aura and Touya's. It's really weird, and you know something's weird if a guy who can turn into a girl says it's weird."

As the group walked away, talking adamantly with each other, they failed to sense the presence of two people who were spying on them from a nearby rooftop.

"Thank you very much, Nadeshiko-chan. I do believe your words of reassurance greatly helped my Ranma-kun out."

The ghostly spirit of Kinomoto Nadeshiko watched her daughter lovingly. She was so proud of her beautiful Sakura; her only regret was that she couldn't be there physically to say it out loud. The consolation was that she was still lucky enough to watch her baby girl grow up.

She smiled at the person next to her.

_It was no problem at all. I was glad to have assisted your husband, Yuko-san… _

The woman once known as Ichihara Yuko gazed at the pigtailed man with fondness and affection before softly twittering. "Now, now, he isn't officially my husband just yet… soon though, very soon. I may not be able to see into my own future but thanks to a certain wish, I do know that Ranma-kun's fate and my own are intertwined for life."

Nadeshiko nodded in understanding, but she was still so confused about a few things.

_I don't understand though. You said that you're no longer bound to time, so how can you still be alive?_

Yuko smirked mischievously. "The magic of Clow Reed has long since disappeared from my body, so officially Ichihara Yuko gave up her very existence in this dimension to allow two wonderful children to live their own lives, and she left her shop and 'daughters' in very capable hands."

_But if you're not her… who are you then? _

"Because time was restored to Ichihara Yuko, she died long ago and never existed in this modern age. However, she was reincarnated and in her place, Saotome Yuko was born instead…"

_Saotome… _

"I wanted to get used to Saotome being my surname. I think it flows very nicely. Saotome Yuko."

_What was this wish that made all of this happen? Did someone wish for Ranma-san's life to be in shambles? _

Yuko cocked an eyebrow at the spirit. "Well, it wasn't quite like that and I object to that hurtful comment, his life can't suck that much if he has me in it. Mou, that's just mean, Nadeshiko-chan."

The spirit sweatdropped as the jet-black brunette puffed up her cheeks and looked away irritably.

_I'm very sorry, Yuko-san. I didn't mean to insult you like that._

Yuko grinned in appreciation, "Apology accepted, but you owe me sake now."

_Umm… I can't really buy sake or anything else for that matter, I'm a ghost…_

"Pish-tosh, that doesn't stop Casper from doing things, so it shouldn't stop you. SAKE!"

_But isn't Casper a fictional character?_

"That's beside the point, I expect sake later. Now where was I, oh yes… the wish was made by Ranma-kun himself. He came across my shop, shortly after he was cursed and carelessly told me that he would do anything to get rid of his curse. I, in turn made it possible, but the magic of Jusenkyo is so powerful that the price for that wish was very costly."

Nadeshiko took notice of the sad look on the other woman's face.

_What price was that, Yuko-san?_

The Dimension Witch sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "His freedom, all the insanity from that moment to the present time was due to the price he paid. Lack of freedom means he has absolutely no control over his life, that's why it's always in such chaos. All those ties he has to the people of Nerima, his engagements, his honor, his obsession with martial arts, even the Jusenkyo curse; all of that could have easily been solved had he not made a wish with me."

Yuko smiled sadly at what else the price consisted of. "Of course, there was one aftermath of that price even I couldn't predict. His cost of freedom also meant the freedom to die, and there's only one magical source in this world powerful enough to prevent death…"

_Clow Reed, but that means… _

"Yes, you can never underestimate Hitsuzen. It was no mere coincidence that Ranma-kun met me and made that wish, and that the price would be his freedom from everything. The magic that essentially froze my time was split between the two of us, and because the original spell was weakened by half, it allowed me to sacrifice my immortality in exchange for the life of the cloned Li Tsubasa. Clow's magic was so deeply bound to my life force, giving even a portion of it to Ranma-kun while it was still attached to me, made it so that he and I are interconnected for as long as we live, which will be for an eternity now."

_Oh, Yuko-san I'm so sorry…_

Nadeshiko stop her condolences and sweatdropped as her companion began to cackle like a mad woman.

"Hohoho, I can't wait! This is definitely a gift from the heavens, my own personal love monkey to do whatever I want with, forever and ever! Oh Ranma-kun, you and I are going to have so much fun together! I have the perfect outfits in mind to dress you up in too! You better get ready for some hot lovin' and spankin', monkey boy! Hohohohoho…"

The deceased Kinomoto mother never felt sorrier for a person more than right now.

* * *

><p>Ranma tiredly stretched his arms out as he strode towards school at a leisurely pace. The idea of being stuck in all day, attending classes was pushing away the happy and upbeat feeling he got from the impromptu party the other night.<p>

Speaking of which, it was interesting how Touya and Yukito were connected together because one gave up his magical powers to the other. He never knew magical auras could be passed on from one person to another, but that might have been due to the fact that those two were obviously in love with each other. After years of being chased after by an endless parade of women, he learned to see the signs of romance. It was kind of weird since they were both guys, but who the hell was he to judge; he had the most complicated screwed-up love life in the entire world.

He got the chance to meet Touya and Sakura's father too; Kinomoto Fujitaka. Now there was another person who had an aura that dwarfed almost everyone he knew; Sakura's was much stronger in terms of raw power, but Fujitaka's was more refined and polished.

Ranma always thought he had the weirdest family ever, but even his couldn't compare to a father who was half reincarnated from the strongest magician in the world, a brother who had an angel for a soulmate, and a boyfriend who was the heir to the greatest magical clan in Hong Kong…

On any given day, he would have just skipped school altogether to hang out in Tomoeda and find out more about his new friends, but there was one person who'd be very disappointed in him if he did. His mother…

His mom really wanted him to get a formal education though, and he wanted to make her proud, but there was no way he could possibly do that in Nerima. Ranma wondered if he could request a transfer to a High School in Tomoeda, it wasn't like the commute would take much time for him. He could even go to Juuban High where his other friends attended; he did owe Usagi-chan a visit, she always called him to whine about the all-you-can-eat rematch he promised her. He decided to discuss his options with his mom later on.

It was beautiful and sunny out, but the day started off on a sour note for him. He didn't get to eat a proper breakfast or take a bath, and he was late for school; he was forced to avoid Akane and wait for her to leave first because she was still pissed about his absence last night. He'd rather start the day being hungry, smelly, and late than bloody and beaten.

Despite these minor hiccups which he expected to happen, he still felt more refreshed than any other time before since he spent a great night on the rooftop. When he got home, Akane was waiting for him outside of his bedroom muttering about how he was cheating on her with the other tramps. Seeing her face which screamed 'Ranma's Gonna Suffer' and her holding a mallet bigger than his body, he swiftly made his escape to the rooftop of the dojo and snoozed under the moon and stars.

Ranma found it rather pleasant to fall asleep beneath the bright night, with the cool spring breeze and sounds of nature to lull him. It was much better than listening to his panda father snore all night. There was just one thing he didn't expect that morning…

The pigtailed man eyed the beautiful black-furred kitten with silver stripes diligently walking beside him.

…He awoke to the sight of a cute little cat cuddling up to him. Since then, his sleeping companion had been following him everywhere, even to the bathroom.

Sensing her new master looking at her, the kitten gazed up with piercing onyx eyes and a deadpan expression. The two made eye contact and Ranma could have sworn the kitty was demanding to know, 'What the hell are you looking at?' He hastily turned away, and became more eased when the cat did the same. The animal was really freaky; she displayed more intelligence than his old man and Tendo-san combined. Thanks to a cup of warm and cold water, he was positive that the cat wasn't a Jusenkyo cursed person.

He tried to get her to leave him alone using every method he knew how; he shooed, he made loud noises, he tried to distract her with pussywillow, he ran away, he jumped away, but everything proved ineffective as the cat either didn't respond or even more amazingly, actually kept up with his pace.

'_Wait a minute, what am I doing…'_ Thanks to the shrimpy new addition to his life, he never had to let a cat dictate how he lived his life ever again. With that confident thought in mind, Ranma picked up the black feline and held her up to his face. He glared at the adorable button-nosed face blinking at him, but before any harsh words could be said, the kitten elegantly leapt out of his hand and landed on top of his head with a cute meow.

"Hey, get off my head!" He abruptly quit yelling when the cat creepily lowered her body and hung upside-down. She stared into his eyes with her freakishly haunting ones, and this time the look said, 'Shut your mouth and get your ass moving.'

Ranma growled agitatedly. "Hell no, I'm not letting a stupid dumb cat tell me what to do. You want a chauffeur, go find pig-boy. He'll take you on a free trip all around the world. Now get off me!"

He made a move to get the kitten off, but she just deftly jumped up to avoid his hands and landed back down hard on his head. "OW~~~~ letgoletgoletgoletgoletgo!" Ranma howled in pain as the kitten dug her very sharp nails into his scalp. "Alright, alright, I get it! You're the boss, you're the boss! Let me go already!"

Now that the kitten was satisfied that she showed her master who was the real boss in this relationship, she hopped down and traipsed ahead with exegerrated movements just to mock him. Ranma narrowed his eyes at seeing the hoity-toity walk. "I can't believe even a girl cat can kick my ass. Do I have another curse that makes me a bitch to all things female or somethin'."

"Nya…" The unnamed kitten paused to look at him with a raised eyebrow of all things. Fantastic, apparently he was dealing with the Nabiki of the cat world.

"Yea, yea, I'm coming. Don't cough up a furball now."

"Rreow…" He chuckled at the agitated noise. Guess she didn't appreciate cat humor very much.

Ranma pulled up his sleeve and glanced at the watch given to him by his mother for a birthday gift, and he groaned at the time. "Crap, I'm really late now." He promptly scooped the kitty back up and shoved her into his shirt, then raced to school. In a matter of seconds, Ranma arrived at the gate, crossed the schoolyard, and jumped into his classroom, all without breaking a sweat.

Ignoring the chatter and stares directed at him, he sat down at his seat and laid his head down to take his customary class nap. He was actually hoping Hinako would drain him just so he'd have an excuse to sleep more. The moment he closed his eyes, he was roughly shaken awake by his 'uncute' tomboy fiancée who scowled at him. "Ranma, where were you yesterday? You better not have been with those floozies."

"I went somewhere to train in peace."

"Why didn't you say anything? I would have gone with you and cooked your meals!"

Ranma wisely held his tongue for once, instead of blabbing out the obvious answer. All of a sudden, his chair was forcibly spun around by his 'cute' fiancée who looked at him with a touch of concern and lots of love. "Ranchan, why were you so late? You're lucky Hinako-sensei's out sick today."

"She's what?" He peered back to the front of the classroom and indeed, his age-changing teacher wasn't there giving her usual boring lecture. So that was why she wasn't berating him for being late.

'_Maybe my luck is actually changing for the better.'_ Not a moment later, he was proven wrong when a mallet clonked him over the head.

"Ranma, don't you dare ignore me!"

'_Curse you, luck…'_ Ranma thought miserably, trying not to black out from the gorilla's sneak attack.

"Nyaa…" A pitiful meow echoed throughout the now eerily silent room. Every student's eyes were wide and fearful as they stared at the black-furred kitten squirm her way out of Ranma's shirt. She was swaying back and forth, lightly dizzy from the fast run and getting squashed along with her master.

The cat was hastily picked up by Akane who moved to exit the classroom before her fiancée took notice of the feline and went nuts because of his phobia.

"Oi, what do ya think you're doing?" Akane was startled when Ranma immediately took the kitten back and laid her down on his desk; then to everyone's further shock, he began to gently pet her head and coo at her.

"Awww, I'm sorry girl, guess I ran too fast for you huh? Hold on, I got just the thing for you." He immediately took off while everyone was still too blown away to react. Not a minute later, the cursed martial artist returned with a bowl and a small carton of milk. "I just realized you probably didn't have breakfast either." He laughed as the kitten drank up the liquid as fast as he would have, "Wow, you must have been starvin', huh?"

The kitty responded with a tiny happy burp.

"Ranchan… you do realize what animal that is, right?" Ukyo cautiously stepped forward, ready to get her weapon out in case her fiancée showed any sign of the dreaded Nekoken.

He raised an eyebrow in confusion. What was everyone's problem today, it's like they've never seen a kitten before. "Yea, she's a cat. She don't have a name yet though. Can ya think of any good ones?"

Akane was deathly nervous, yet at the same time intrigued by the pigtailed boy's new behavior. "You idiot, you're supposed to be scared of cats. Now give me that thing before your brain realizes that."

Ranma groaned irritably. "Akane, I already told you why I was gone all day yesterday. Put the pieces together."

"You were training to cure your fear?" Akane was torn by the news. On the one hand, she was happy that her fiancée finally managed to get rid of his fear; but on the other, she was more than a little disappointed that he was never going to go neko again and cuddle up with her. Not that she wanted him to or anything, she'd rather turned him into paste than ever admit that outloud.

"Yup, that's right, I was training…" That wasn't exactly a lie; it's just afterwards he went to an impromptu party.

"Ara, ara, Ranma-kun, I just heard a rumor that you're not afraid of cats anymore. That's rather interesting…" Nabiki drawled from the open window that separated the hallway and the classroom. She left on a bathroom break from her own class after hearing that her future brother-in-law had done the supposed impossible. News spread really fast when the main topic was about Nerima's premiere martial artist.

Ranma chuckled darkly while still petting his purring kitty. It was perfect timing by Nabiki. He couldn't wait to rub this right in the middle Tendo sister's smug face. "Yea, that's right. There's no challenge I can't conquer, especially no stupid fear of cats! What do you think of me now! Bwahahahaha!"

Nabiki smirked and let out a chuckle of her own, filled with mirth. "Wow, Ranma-kun, I'm impressed. You must be truly dedicated to marrying Shampoo if you managed to cure your fear of cats just for her…"

"hahaha… ha… heh… heh… huh? Wait, what…?" Ranma stuttered out weakly as two angry auras raged forth behind him.

"I mean, you went through all the trouble of getting rid of your ailurophobia. You must really love Shampoo to do all that just so you could be with her without being afraid of her Jusenkyo curse." Nabiki almost shivered in pleasure at the look of doom on her dumb jock's face. This would teach him not to come home without letting her know. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, even herself, but she was secretly concerned for Ranma's safety. After all, if he got hurt or injured, she could lose her precious cash cow, and that just wouldn't do for her profits.

"Now hold on, that's not true! It wasn't for Shampoo, it really wasn't!"

"The evidence says otherwise, Ranma-kun."

Before he could plead his argument to the devious Judge Nabiki, the fiancée brigade officially made their objections heard.

"RANCHAN, YOU JACKASS! HOW COULD YOU!" Ukyo smashed his desk with her spatula in an effort to turn her two-timing man into flat okonomiyaki. Unfortunately for her, but luckily for him, Ranma managed to grab the cat and leap away to safety before the weapon was even out.

"Ucchan, wait, I wouldn't do that to you. She's lying, she's lying!" Ranma tried to deny it all, but nobody seemed to have any desire to listen to him. He noticed that the kitten had taken safe refuge behind Hinako-sensei's desk.

'_Little baby,'_ Ranma bitterly thought. He was envious that the small cat could hide, unnoticed, in a tough spot like this.

"I BET THAT CAT IS REALLY SHAMPOO IN DISGUISE TOO, ISN'T SHE!" Akane flailed a mallet around wildly. This type of predictable motion was usually child's play for Ranma to dodge, but he was having difficulty evading both the battle spatula and the mallet, while simultaneously avoiding the rest of the class and keeping the cat in his arms safe.

"What the hell, are you on meds or something, tomboy? How does that make any sense?" He never understood any of the elaborate accusations that were regularly made against him. If only the fiancées and rivals used their imagination for good instead of evil.

As if he didn't have enough grief to deal with, it didn't help that Nabiki's callous statement had fueled the school gossip grapevine…

"What a horrible boyfriend, Ranma-kun's such a pig."

"I know. I feel sorry for Akane and Ukyo to have to deal with a cad like him all the time."

"But I think it's romantic what he did, the lengths he would go through for true love."

"That lucky bastard, look at all those girls pining for him."

"Man, seeing how hot Shampoo is, I'd cure my fear in a heartbeat to tap that."

…Morons, the students here were all morons.

"DAMMIT, WILL YOU GIRLS JUST LISTEN TO ME!" Ranma managed to make his way to the door, but just when he was about to make his escape, he bumped into someone who was coming in and they both fell down in a heap.

"If I had known this was the greeting I was going to receive, I would have brought a camera to capture the intimate occasion." Yuko giggled merrily. She didn't think the fun was going to start this soon, but she wasn't going to complain.

"Dammit, sorry about tha… gah…" Ranma nearly bit his tongue off at the image of who was lying on the floor with him. She had jet-black hair and alluring red eyes, and even he could freely admit that she was absolutely gorgeous. Her small but dazzling smile made him feel warm and safe, and her perfume had an incredibly inviting aroma too.

Ranma took note of their positioning, with him nestled comfortably between her bosom, and moaned miserably. He found it flabbergasting; yes, that's right, only a word as stupid as flabbergasting could describe this scene. It happened to him all the time, it just wasn't fair…

"Why do I always fall on top of a woman's big boobs?"

Yuko eyed her chest inquisitively. "I don't think my breasts are really that big."

"Yea right, they're huge. Almost as big as…mine…" Ranma stopped talking when his mouth finally caught up to his brain. He whimpered to himself, "Oh man, I'm pretty sure I don't want to turn around."

Ranma couldn't help but take a small peek, and instantly regretted it as a murderous face tried to glare a hole into his head. The paint in the room began to peel as Akane's aura enveloped her body, and then she brought out the dreaded Mallet-sama. He tightly closed his eyes, and in blind fear, inadvertently shoved his face back into the lady's cleavage. A long while passed before he realized that nothing had happened; there was no pain, no hurting, no shouting, absolutely nothing.

Did Akane hit him so hard that he didn't even feel it and he just died instantly?

Ranma looked up to see that the beautiful woman, who he was still unconsciously hugging, had somehow blocked the unstoppable Mallet-sama with an open folding-fan.

"Now, now, I don't think violence of that nature is necessary at all, Tendo-san." Yuko curtly declared before she flicked the fan closed and at that precise moment, the giant mallet broke apart into neat little cubes.

Ranma planned to ask about that technique after school, it was too awesome for him not to try and learn. Akane fell onto her knees in numb shock; she couldn't believe her greatest fiancée-beater was so effortlessly countered. Ukyo was worried about her family battle spatula, so she kept a respectable distance away from the fan lady.

Yuko cleared her throat to get Ranma's attention. "Ahem, I understand you're a healthy young man with normal desires and all, but do you mind letting me go now, stud? We can continue this lesson in private after school if you want."

Ranma jumped off in a flash and shrieked like a little girl, "IT ISN'T LIKE THAT!" Then he realized what he sounded like and repeated it in a more manly fashion, "It isn't like that…"

"Hehe, I'm sure it isn't." The brunette lifted her arms up and pouted cutely. "Aren't you going to help me up? It isn't very manly to let a lady lay on the floor like this."

"Oh right, sorry 'bout that." He first made sure his fiancées were within in his peripheral vision, then hesitantly took the woman's hands and gently hoisted her back onto her feet. He was about to ask who she was when, without warning, she tenderly kissed his cheek.

"What was that for?" Ranma touched the spot in surprise, her kiss made him feel all tingly. It was a familiar feeling, like the one he had when he woke up in the Kinomoto home. Just then, the direness of the innocent act hit him like a ton of bricks, and he silently pleaded to the heavens. _'Oh please, not another one. If anyone is up there monitoring me; Belldandy, Skuld, Lind, please don't do this to me… Urd and Peorth, you stay out of my prayers!'_

Yuko gave him a sexy wink. "That was just my way of saying thanks, stud. You're such a sweetie."

Crocodile tears flowed down Ranma's face as he tried to keep from bawling like a baby. If he survived this day, a certain temple in Nekomi was going to get paid an angry visit by an angry martial artist. The goddesses were supposed to let him know in advance about danger like this; they had a deal, darn it!

"Are you kidding me, he's already bagged this one too!"

"I knew he had a thing for teachers, someone protect Hinako-sensei!"

"Will you spare a few girls for the rest of us?"

Ranma sweatdropped as the gossip mill began again with this new development. Luckily, his fiancées were too leery of the mysterious woman to take any action against her. He glanced towards the hallway window to see that Nabiki had disappeared sometime during the earlier chaos, so that probably meant he was going to get a visit any moment now…

"SAOTOME, YOU CUR!"

…Yup, right on time.

"Not only do you violate Akane and Osage no Onna on a daily basis, but you've gone as low as to seduce woman of fine age as well…" Kuno halted his speech to gawk at the refined beauty gracing his vision. He dropped his bokken and rushed forward with his arms wide open. "I implore you, oh radiant goddess. Jump into my arms so that I may save you from the horrors of this disgusting brute!"

Right before Kuno could fully close his arms around Yuko, the pigtailed martial artist quickly squeezed in between the two, and sent the upperclassman on the classic 'Happo Throw' flying experience with a pencil and a flick of the wrist.

'_That trick is really convenient, no wonder Jiji loves to use it all the time.'_ Ranma shook his hair and brushed his clothes of any debris from the newly made Kuno-shaped skylight.

"Well, well, I think you deserve a star for that act of heroism, Ranma-kun." As ludicrous as he found it, the lady actually stuck a gold star sticker onto his forehead and patted him on the head like a preschooler. After the childish act, Ranma was understandably startled when she wrapped one arm around his shoulder to play with his pigtail, and lightly caressed his face with her other hand. "And as an extra reward, you've earned a special lesson after class for gallantly saving me."

Ranma was sputtering out reasons why that wouldn't be a good idea when he spun around and grabbed three small spatulas aimed at his head. Ukyo might have proved too skittish to advance anywhere near the older woman, but she still had other options to punish her wayward fiancée.

He chuckled timidly under the brunette's bedroom eyes and the dual glares of his angry fiancées. Not to mention, the rest of the class was still gawking at them and making rude comments about his screwed up love life.

"Ummm… hehehe, I think I'll pass. I don't do very well under pressure… for school, I mean! School!" Ranma hastily tacked on that last part when the woman arched an eyebrow and smirked devilishly.

Akane found herself too wary of the new presence to vent her anger, and just growled heatedly. "Look, I don't know who you are, but you better not be another fiancée!"

Yuko smiled playfully, a fun little plan formulating in her head. She reached into her cleavage, and took out a pair of sunglasses to put on. She pointed at Akane. "You want to know who I am?"

The tomboy shouted, "YES!"

She then pointed at Ukyo. "You want answers?"

The cross-dressing chef yelled, "YES!"

"You want the truth?"

"I think we're entitled to it!" A random student cried out with a few nods agreeing.

Yuko stomped one foot on the table and ripped her shades off. "WELL YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

Silence embraced that response.

"Fufufufu, that worked out perfectly!" The brunette cheered before plopping down into her seat. "I've always wanted to try that scene out."

The facefaults that descended shook the entire school.

Yuko spun the chair around and around to amuse herself. "The truth is I'm really your substitute teacher…"

"WHAT?" At the woman's proclamation, one question ran through the minds of every student there; why did all the crazies and weirdoes always come to Nerima High to teach?

Yuko took a piece of chalk and rapidly wrote down her information on the board. "My age is a secret. My weight is a secret. My bust-waist-hip size is a secret. My favorite meal is delicious food. My favorite drink is sake. My favorite positions are a secret. My hopes and dreams are too naughty to tell you children. My sexual preferences are cute pigtailed martial artists who changes gender with water and have world-dream aspirations to be the greatest fighter alive."

The people in the classroom and the hallway blink-blinked at the last three mentions, and they all turned to stare at a badly twitching martial artist. "Does this eye look funny to you guys?" Ranma shakily pointed to his face, and twitched even harder at the nods he received.

Yuko tilted her head and tapped a pen on her pursed lips in deep concentration. "Did I leave anything out?"

"YOUR NAME!" The concurrent shout filled the room.

"Oh that's right, I didn't introduce myself yet."

A moment later, the kanji 'Saotome Yuko' greeted the students' bulged eyes.

"SAOTOME?" Everyone turned back to their own resident Saotome, only to be greeted with an empty space. While everyone was busy searching for him, Akane and Ukyo observed that their new teacher was smirking at the ceiling. They tilted their heads up and there was the wayward fiancée attempting a daring escape through the skylight.

A mallet and spatula made short work of that plan.

"Ow… dammit, I was so close too." Ranma rubbed the bump on his head. He blanched when the entire class looked at him not unlike zombies ready to shred into his flesh. He anxiously back away until a wall prevented any further movement, and put up his hands in a poor attempt at some kind of defense. "I swear I don't know who that chick is! It's just a coincidence she has my last name, she's not related to me!"

Yuko clapped her hands to get the focus back on her. Once she had everyone's attention, she sat down and took the classic Gendo pose (elbows on desk and hands in front of face). "That's right, class. Saotome Ranma is indeed not a blood relative." Ranma breathed a sigh of relief, but then he saw that she was grinning mischievously behind her hands.

Shit…

"The reason why my surname is Saotome is because…" She purposely trailed off. It was too much fun messing with people.

Akane exploded in impatience. "Well, hurry up and tell us!"

"Hmmm… " Yuko took a closer inspection of the short-haired girl, and walked around her. "Oh, I see now. I was curious why you had so much anger in you. It's those feathers again."

"What are you talking about? You better not be some kind of pervert, lady." Akane didn't like the way this woman looked at her without emotion.

"Be careful little girl. You should be more mindful of yourself before something precious gets taken away." Yuko knew that her warning wouldn't do any good, but felt she owed it to the child since she was precious person in Ranma's life. She could only hope that Akane would be able to fight against the Mushi before it ate away at her soul.

"What? Are you threatening me?" The tomboy gripped her desk so hard that the wood started to crack.

Yuko ignored her and briskly walked up to the terrified Ranma, lifted him up by his pigtail, and gave him a kiss that made him want nothing more than the taste of her lips on his forever. After what felt like hours of pleasure, Ranma's eyes fluttered open and he tried to control his pounding heartbeat and shaky knees. _'Holy crap, that was just… wow, just freakin' wow.'_ It was rare that he ever felt like that, and it usually never came from just a single kiss.

"Thanks, I try." Yuko blew on her nails and smugly polished them on her dress. It felt reassuring to know that she still had it.

"Huh?" Ranma was perplexed at the sudden thanks, but then he remembered what they just did and covered his head with his arms to protect himself from the onslaught of violence that was sure to come. "Please don't kill me, Akane! Ucchan! It wasn't my fault!"

After a minute of hysterical cowering passed, Ranma realized that he wasn't covered in bruises and pain.

He scanned the classroom to see what the hold-up was; there was supposed to be yelling, screaming, and mallets flying at him. His jaw nearly dropped at the scene that greeted him and he carefully rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't being tricked; nope, this was actually happening. He gulped down the knot in his throat and gathered his courage for this next action; he cautiously poked Akane and raised an eyebrow when the cheek that he slightly pushed in didn't bounce back.

It was unbelievable. Everyone in the classroom and the hallway, from the looks of it, seemed to be frozen in place. It was really unsettling; they were like creepy mannequins, all stiff and posed naturally. He checked the clock and some other odd happenings to see that people weren't the only ones affected. Ranma decided to try a little experiment to test his theory out; he grabbed the nearest object and let it fall to the ground.

"Time's stopped…" Ranma muttered outloud when the pencil he dropped became suspended in mid-air.

This shouldn't have been possible.

Sure, he was told yesterday that one Kinomoto Sakura had the power to freeze time, but it was still freaky to see it happen firsthand. It made sense for the shrimp to be able to do it though, since she was quote, unquote "the strongest magician in the world", but who else was powerful enough to bend time and space, and what were they doing here.

Ranma jolted when Yuko gently hugged him from behind. "Sakura-chan is without question the strongest magician in the world. She's a very special girl and I expect great things from her, but you don't need to be the strongest for something as trivial and mundane as time control. It's quite easy for me actually, as you can see for yourself."

He nodded aimlessly, not really paying attention to her words. "You did this?"

Yuko 'mmm hmm'ed' in response. "I knew people would overreact, so I stopped time right before I got up to kiss you. It just wouldn't do for you to associate my kisses with pain. All I want you to remember when you think of me is absolute pleasure."

Ranma just kept nodding and looking around. "Right, right, kisses and pleasure so how'd you do this?"

"With magic, of course."

"Yea, that's what I thought. So I guess I can't learn how to do it then?"

Yuko shook her head and sighed happily as she nuzzled his hair. "No, only those with natural magic can learn, and even then it takes a great amount of power."

Ranma moaned sadly. It was depressing to know that there were some things he couldn't learn even with all his talent.

"That blows."

Wait a minute; she said something weird and out of place earlier. He never mentioned anything about ebi-chan in their conversation, at least not outloud.

…So why did Yuko bring her up?

His companion ceased the kissing of his neck, which he just noticed her doing, to buoyantly laugh out loud. "I can't believe you call a person related to 'that guy' shrimp. It's too funny. I'd loved to have seen what face he'd make if he heard you say that."

Yuko put on a devious little grin at his incredulous wide-eyed look. "Oops, you didn't actually 'say' that, did you?"

Ranma shook his head and deliberately put some space between them, in case the confrontation ended badly. "Who are you?" And was she reading his mind?

'_You can read my mind too if you want, Ranma-kun.'_

The pigtailed boy fell back with a yelp at the unexpected voice in his head. He made eye contact with a delighted Yuko, who found herself wildly entertained by his discomfort. She was tempted to get some popcorn, maybe white cheddar flavored.

While Yuko was contemplating her snack options, Ranma was panic stricken and mentally went over what he knew about the mystery lady so far. First, she introduced herself as a Saotome; alright, that could easily be explained, his family name was somewhat common. Second, she managed to get his hormones revved up with a solitary kiss, but that was to be expected since the teacher was the very definition of sin. Third, she was powerful; very much so if she could just stop time on a whim and not give it a second thought. Last, but not least… SHE WAS TALKING TO HIM IN HIS FUCKIN' HEAD!

Yuko grimaced in pain. "Owie, lower the volume on the inner dialogue please. You're giving me a headache."

Ranma winced and became apologetic. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to… No, wait, what the hell am I saying sorry for?" He wasn't going to express any kind of remorse until he got some straight answers.

"Well, I'm not going to give you any straight answers until you properly apologize."

"Will you stop with the mind fuck already!" He was about ready to rip his hair out in frustration. It definitely didn't help his mood that Yuko seemed to take great pleasure in his anguish, if her laughs and giggles were any indication.

"Earlier, you were thinking, _'Holy crap, that was just… wow, just freakin' wow.'_ I have to admit, it really boasts my ego to know that I can still make a virile young man horny as hell." He blushed at her saucy grin. Dammit, it was really embarrassing how his innermost private thoughts were an open book before this woman.

"Now, now, it's not embarrassing for a wife to know what her husband is thinking."

"Will you stop with the Jedi tricks? It's really creeping me out." Ranma groaned in aggravation before jerking back in shock. "Wait, what did you just say?"

Yuko lovingly petted the freaked-out boy's head. "Poor baby, you need to clean out those waxy ears of yours during your next bath. Yuko-chan will take care of all your personal hygiene when we get our marriage license."

"Marriage…" Ranma dropped into a chair and barely kept himself from bashing his head into the desk. He couldn't believe this was happening again, and he was curious who was to blame for this particular fiancée or rather wife. A wife… oh god, everyone was going to kill him for this.

Seeing that the love of her life was in a great deal of distress, Yuko delicately took a seat on his lap and cuddled his chest; it was proof how much shock Ranma was in, when he didn't even protest at her intimate behavior.

"What are you thinking of, my beloved?" Yuko cooed into his ear.

"I'm wondering why nobody warned me about this." Some holy goddesses his friends were supposed to, they couldn't give him a shout out beforehand about the impending doom that was on his lap.

"It's really not the goddesses' fault, Yggdrasil can't tell them about me entering your life when I was already in your life to begin with. It'll be pretty pointless to warn you about someone who's always there."

"Huh?" She knew about Yggdrasil too? Wait, Ranma didn't understand that at all. How could the woman have always been in his life if today was the first time he'd ever met her.

Then she started to explain…

Ranma became crestfallen and despondent at the irony of it all; he was always telling everyone that it was never his fault, when in reality it was completely his fault. He and his big mouth was the very reason why all the messed up shit in Nerima could never be fixed, no matter how hard he tried. The worst thing about this whole mess was his old man couldn't be solely blamed for all the trouble in his life anymore. He clenched his fist at the image of his father gloating about him screwing himself over; stupid ol' panda was gonna get an ass kickin' for his imaginary counterpart's insults.

She told him in great detail, how the transfer of Clow's magic from her to him fused their life force together; because he had a part of her in him, and she had a part of him in her, it was as if they were always with each other at all times. The reason why they could communicate using their minds and feel each other's emotions was because they were essentially soulmates.

Well, that was freakin' fantastic for him.

"But I can't feel anything from you!" Ranma argued, trying to find a hole in her story. He wasn't going down without a fight, oh hell no, if he submitted to every woman who claimed to be his soulmate; then he'd be the boytoy to hundreds of woman. Right then, he felt a flood of emotions overwhelm his senses, he could feel love, compassion, happiness, amusement, pride, lust, desire, fear, and so much more… then it just stopped.

He collapsed onto his hands and knees, breathing hard and sweating profusely. "What the hell?"

Yuko held him tightly, and lightly kissed his head. "That was all the emotions I'm currently feeling, all of it for you. It's easy to keep them suppressed to myself. This is necessary otherwise the combination of your emotions and mine will crush you."

It nearly did too. It was astonishing how powerful a person's emotions could be, especially someone as intense as Yuko. Ranma shivered at one of the many fantasies about him that he saw in her head; he was tied to a bed covered in nothing but whip cream and cherries. What was it with women and whip cream anyway?

"It's fun to lick off…" Yuko purred in his ear.

Ranma jumped away hysterically, in near tears and started to pace back and forth. "This can't be happenin' to me. It's not fair, it really isn't. That stupid wish didn't even work! I'm still cursed!"

He squawked indignantly when he was doused with cold water. "Oi, what the hell was that for?"

Yuko smirked and dried his hair with a towel. "Notice anything different?"

Under the cloth, Ranma scoffed. "Yea, my clothes are soaked and I'm a girl again."

"Well, one part of that is certainly true."

His head was downward because of Yuko's drying, so he was able to see that his chest was much flatter than it should have been, and he retained his muscular definition, and his bangs were still black. His brain slowly made the connection, but there was still one last test to pass; Ranma hastily pulled down his pants to check if his manhood was still there.

"Oh my, very nice…"

Ranma yelled out in alarm and pulled his pants back up after seeing Yuko leer perversely.

"It's good to see my imagination wasn't too far off from the real thing." Yuko licked her lips, but was disappointed when her love monkey was too stunned to react.

"I'm not a girl." Ranma noted in a daze. Was this actually happening? The cold water didn't turn him into a girl? He forced down the urge to sing and dance; he wasn't going to celebrate until he was absolutely sure the curse was gone. Just as he was about to ask for more cold water, Yuko promptly splashed him again. He blinked at her questioningly, and she answered with a tap to her head. "Oh yea, you can read my thoughts."

Ranma paid no further attention to her and instead felt his body up to confirm that he was still a male.

"I'm still a guy…" He breathed out astonishingly. "I'm still a guy! I'm never gonna to be a girl again!" He cackled like a raving lunatic and hopped from desk to desk, singing and dancing in elation. "Never gonna be a girl. Never gonna be a girl again, ever, ever again!"

"I wouldn't say that now." Yuko calmly spoke.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ranma stopped his one-man parade and tossed away the banner that had 'Never Gonna Be a Girl Again' written on it, but kept the party blower in his mouth since the noise maker was fun to use.

Instead of answering right away, she ate several cookies and cakes from a plate of various sweets, and moaned appreciatively. "These baked goods are simply divine, Ranma-kun. You're going to have to make these for me every day from now on."

The compliment made him check his junk food supply that he resupplied after Kero's gorging, only to find most of it was gone. That little sneak was eating his snacks. "Hey, how'd you get your hands on my food?"

Yuko brushed the crumbs off her face and waved the question off with a mysterious smile. "That's not important." She ignored his cry of 'Yes, it is!' and continued, "Now where was I… oh yes, what I meant was just because you're no longer cursed, doesn't mean you can't turn into a girl anymore."

She let out a small giggle when he tickled her nose with the party blower.

"So what, I can turn into a girl at will now? All I need to do is think about being a girl and…" He or rather she paused in her sarcasm when a familiar sensation hit her, and she gawked at the two huge globes on her chest. Boys weren't supposed to have breasts like that. Ranma-chan checked inside her pants and confirmed that she was indeed a girl again. "What's the hell is going on?"

She heard a party blower being used, and saw Yuko with the toy in her mouth and a party hat on her head. Yuko blew it again before exploding some party poppers and cheerfully exclaiming, "Congratulations! You found out the secret mystery prize!" More poppers were popped.

"What the fuck?" Ranma-chan shrieked, brushing the confetti off her. "I'm not supposed to be a girl anymore! I wished to never be a girl again!"

The redhead's complaints were put on a hold when Yuko ravaged her mouth with a passionate kiss. Ranma-chan was stunned this was happening while she was in this body; girls weren't supposed to kiss other girls… especially not with as much tongue as Yuko was using! She tried to shove the tongue back with her own, but that only made the older woman deepen the kiss.

Yuko moaned appreciatively and finally let go of the Ranma-chan's lips with a loud 'pop'. She seductively licked her own lips and gently ran her hand through the girl's hair. "Are we going to behave now?"

The formerly-cursed female nodded meekly, still blushing brightly.

"Good, now let me clarify what you originally wished for. You said and I quote 'I wish I wasn't cursed anymore' and I made that happen."

Ranma-chan looked doubtful and stared at her obviously female body. "Either something went very wrong or you just stink with granting wishes… Gah!" She yelped when the brunette harshly pinched her butt.

"Don't interrupt now." Yuko chided, ignoring the glare directed at her. "A curse by very definition is magic in the form of misfortune that befalls its victims. Most of the time, a curse is considered such because the person has no control over it. Take Jusenkyo for instance, the curse is that its victims have no control over their shape-shifting power, they're a slave to water and they have to live with that fact for life."

She cupped the teen's face with her hands and Ranma-chan felt her body change again. "By removing the cursed aspect of Jusenkyo, you were given a precious gift in its place. You still retain the ability to change into a woman. You can live the best of both worlds without the hassle of water hindering you."

Ranma grumbled placidly. "But I hate being a girl." His objection sounded half-hearted; he found it hard to be angry at anything when he was technically cured.

"No, what you hated was being unable to take control of your curse. At first, turning into a woman was a great burden to you, but since then, haven't you discovered the positives of being the opposite gender."

"But being a girl…"

"… isn't so bad, is it? You like being able to eat ice cream without people questioning your manhood. You can still use your feminine wiles to get free food. You can in engage in combat with other girls without your honor being strained. You can do all the things you did before, only without the burden of hot or cold water."

When she put it that way, it didn't sound so bad; ice cream and free food were always a plus in his book; plus with all the girls who attacked him, he'd need to turn into a chick or else everyone would make fun of him.

Even though this wasn't how Ranma imagined being cured, at least now he could rediscover the little things he came to miss the most. He'd be able to enjoy the cool refreshing rain without the inconvenience of turning into a girl, or he could go to the beach or pool and just relax without the paranoia of being splashed. There was also all the training methods he was restricted from doing like being submerged in freezing ice water to harden his pain threshold or climbing mountain peaks with only his boxers on.

Yuko smiled as the boy became docile. It was really too easy to manipulate the boy, but she wasn't complaining; after all, what kind of wife would she be if she couldn't keep her husband in line.

'_The best of both worlds she said. Yea, I guess it's not so horrible when I think about it…'_ Ranma mused to himself. There was no real reason to complain since his nightmarish curse was finally gone. He still had the added benefit of being able to scam people out of free stuff using his girl-form's cute looks; it was good not spending money on overpriced food.

'_That's the spirit Ranma-kun. Embrace the bad with the good!'_

Yuko smiled widely at the chagrin on Ranma's face. "Dammit, will you stop that! And what the hell, how come this cure only started today? I made that wish almost two years ago!"

"The cure needed a trigger to be activated but before I could do it, your father took you away in a rush." Yuko perched herself on a nearby desk, and swung her legs back and forth. She couldn't be blamed for that, the actions of the stupid and narrow-minded weren't her problem.

A massive vein throbbed on Ranma's forehead at the mention of his old man. "And what was this trigger supposed to be?"

For the umpteenth time today, he had the sexy woman's tongue shoved down his throat. Ranma hoped she didn't keep this up when time unfroze. While he certainly didn't mind the affection, everyone else was going to hospitalize him.

"That." Yuko grinned at the mental and physical effect she had on the young man. They were going to have so much fun together soon.

"…A kiss?"

"Nope, a kiss with lots of tongue!"

He sweatdropped when Yuko crowed loudly behind an opened fan.

Ranma sat down and contemplated exactly what this meant. "So you're telling because my old man kept you from sticking your tongue in my mouth…" He was forced to pause when Yuko demonstrated once again that she was indeed a great kisser, "Yes, like that. Thank you, Yuko. If it wasn't for my old man, I could have had a cure right off the bat? Before I even met the Tendos?"

Yuko nodded while taking a seat on the boy's lap and playing with his pigtail.

"What the hell, if my wish wasn't granted then how come I still had to pay a price!" His curse made his life absolute hell for nearly two years, two freakin' years.

"Magic isn't scientific, the moment you asked for that wish, the price was already taken from you, regardless of whether or not the wish was truly granted."

It just wasn't fair; nothing ever went right for him. Ranma wouldn't have minded all the crap that was forced down his throat if he didn't have to deal with the humiliating Jusenkyo curse on top of everything else. But here this beautiful, vibrant woman whose very soul was a part of his was telling him that because of his father's interference, his precious cure had been denied to him for so long.

Saotome Genma was dead…

It was time to bring out the barbecue grill, there was going to be Panda steaks for dinner tonight.

"Now, now, let's not be too hasty. I have no desire to be the wife to a criminal who's jailed for murder."

"I need to kill him. He needs to pay for all the shit that's happened to me." It was odd how he wasn't protesting to Yuko calling herself his wife, but that thought was violently pushed away in favor of one killing his panda of a father. Then in a flash, he went from angry to euphoric, it was a unique sensation feeling his rage being forcibly turned upside-down.

'_This is something else we can do for one another. A calming technique that's good for easing one's state of mind in times of crisis.' _

Ranma was feeling really good at the moment; the therapeutic effect on his mind even gave him the courage to lavish Yuko with a kiss in thanks for the cure. He jumped out of his chair in shock when he realized what was happening, and that he was the one who initiated it.

"Do you regret it, Ranma-kun?" Yuko look at him impassively.

"The kiss? Not really…"

"No, you silly boy; I'll keep that in mind though." She chuckled to herself. "I meant making the wish with me? If you knew ahead of time, the horrible price you'd have to pay to rid yourself of the Jusenkyo curse, would you have still made it?"

Ranma reflected on that heavy question. He took a bottle of cold water from nearby student and poured it over his head; He grinned when his hands didn't change into the small, petite ones of his girl-form. "No, I don't. Look at me Yuko, I'm still a guy. It's been really long since I've been able to go near cold water without feeling nervous. My life may be crazy, but it's still worth it to finally get rid of this curse."

'_Besides, if I didn't make that wish, I never would have met…'_ Ranma cut that thought short when he saw Yuko flash him a smile.

"I'm sorry Yuko. I… I can't do this. I have enough on my plate without having to deal with a soulmate of all things." To be honest, he was just scared because this woman made him feel really happy like the time he first met his mother. Ranma didn't want someone who brought such bliss into his life to suffer the hellhole of Nerima because he stupidly gave up his freedom for a wish.

They gazed at each other in silence.

"I understand…" Yuko spoke neutrally, and gave him one last sweet kiss before walking away. "I can't force this on you, Ranma-kun. If this is what you truly desire, then so be it. No matter how much I want this, it's all meaningless if you don't want the same."

Ranma was shocked at the blank expression on Yuko's face, and her voice sounded so neutral. Since the moment he met her, she was happy-go-lucky, carefree, and playful; to see her personality suddenly do a 180-flip like this was unnerving. He didn't like this Yuko; he definitely didn't like her seeming so dead…

He was puzzled when she suddenly stopped in her tracks. "What's wrong?"

"Your hand, Ranma-kun."

Ranma looked down to see that he was tightly grasping Yuko's hand, preventing her from going. Even if his mind wouldn't admit it, his body had reacted to the fear he felt in watching this woman prepare to leave forever.

"Yuko… I…" Then he felt it, it was only an inkling, but there was a feeling of depression unlike anything he'd ever felt before. It was from Yuko, this was the sorrow she was hiding behind that deadpan face of hers. He knew she was a strong woman, so she still had the door on her emotions kept tightly closed for his benefit. For even a tiny bit of her feelings to escape meant that she must have been dealing with a great amount of sadness. He couldn't begin to fathom just how depressed she truly was right now, especially since the little bit he felt was already worse than anything he'd ever felt from Ryoga.

He shut his eyes and tried to concentrate all the happy feelings in his life onto Yuko. He wanted the smiling and fun-loving Yuko back…

Ranma was tackled to the ground and felt a pair of lips roughly cover his.

'_I guess we both deserve a little happiness too, right?'_

'_We do my beloved, we truly do…' _

"It's about time, Dimension Witch. What took you this long to jump his bones?" The two reluctantly put an end to their make-out session to look down at a familiar black cat, one who was staring at her master and his soon-to-be-lover-if-Yuko-had-any-say-in-it.

"Ah Xing, I was wondering where you were."

'_Xing, so that's the cat's name. Hold the phone… what does saying even mean anyway?'_ Ranma shook his head; he'd figure that out later. The kitten was talking, she was freakin' talking.

"Holy crap, you're talking!" Something of this magnitude deserved more repeating.

"Yes, I am. Believe me, I'm surprised as well. I didn't think a Neanderthal like you was capable of speech." Xing sighed and delicately licked her paw. Why was she cursed to have an over-muscled idiot for a master?

Yuko smirked and picked up the kitten by the scruff of her neck. "Now Xing, behave yourself. That's my hubby you're insulting there."

"I didn't think you two tied the knot yet. And put me down, this is highly undignified."

"Well, a quick trip to a Las Vegas and a marriage ceremony by Elvis will take care of that pesky issue." Yuko petted the kitten's head after she put her down on a desk.

"Elvis?"

"Maybe Shaft. I haven't decided yet, it's still a coin toss."

"You are talking about people dressed up in costumes, right?"

"Sure I am…"

"I see your eccentricity hasn't changed at all, witch."

"My cat's talking…" Woman and feline directed their attention back to the martial artist, who was standing around dumbly.

The dimension witch cooed and peppered tiny kisses all over his face. "Awww… my poor love monkey; don't you worry, Yuko-chan will make everything better."

Xing nearly coughed up a furball as Yuko did her very best to suck her master's face off. "Will you quit it already? This is improper behavior with a minor present."

Yuko stopped her smooching, and nearly purred in contentment as she nestled into her man's muscular arms. "Oh, you're no fun. I see being reincarnated hasn't changed your demeanor at all. You're still a stick in the mud."

Xing scoffed at the hypocrisy. "You're the one to talk, when are you going to act your age for once? You're letting your hormones control you like a teenager." The cat sweatdropped when the woman stuck her tongue out.

Ranma finally shook out of his stupor. "Whoa, hold on here. What's all this crap about being reincarnated? You're telling me my cat is like you, Yuko?" It was strange to know that his soulmate… girlfriend (?)… wife (?), whatever was reincarnated from a previous lifetime, but to discover that his newly found pet cat was the same too.

Who else in his life was reincarnated?

Maybe Akane really was a gorilla in a past life.

'_Ranma-kun, behave yourself. Looks like I'll have to fix that mouth of yours so it doesn't get you into any more trouble.'_

He sweatdropped as images of her 'training' flashed through his head. Handcuffs, leather costume, a ball in his mouth, and whip cream… maybe it wasn't too late for him to end this relationship right now.

'_Yes, it is; my sexy yummy-nummy love monkey.'_

Damn it…

"So were you always a talking cat or were you a person before?" Ranma inquired to the kitten scratching the desk to keep her claws maintained.

"I was once a human. My name is Xing Huo, and I'd prefer to have you for my master than the previous owner of that title." Fei Wong Reed, she would never forget that despicable name for as long as she lived. She could only hope that he was reincarnated in this dimension so he could be taught a painful lesson about impaling people with a sword.

"Hold on now; master?" Ranma got up and began to walk around the classroom, randomly peering at his still frozen classmates. "Yea, ya make a cute cat and I'm sure you made a cute girl too, but I ain't nobody's master here."

"Let's not be too hasty, I do intend to play a few games where I can call you that." Yuko giggled lecherously.

Ranma pretended not to hear that, and tried not to shudder at the perverted images that formed in her head. "Ya know, you're a talking cat and that's pretty weird. Why don't you go with Yuko, she's seems to like weird things. Case in point…" He pointed at himself, "You know almost anybody else would be better than me."

"I must deny that request for the sole reason that my life is your possession." Xing hopped down and began to glow, causing Yuko to chuckle; Xing always was talented, she didn't think that the girl would learn how to transform back so quickly. Ranma took a few hurried steps back; glowing things were usually never a good sign. "It's only when I'm with you, my master, sharing your magic and your power that I can do this…"

What 'this' turned out to be was a well-figured girl, no older than him, with pale skin, long curly and bushy black hair, and black eyes.

And of course, she was naked.

"Gah! Put some clothes on!"

Yuko grinned at the overreaction and waved her hand, creating an elegant but modernized outfit over the human Xing.

"Thank you." Xing directed that to Yuko, and then looked back to Ranma. "I am unaware if you know of this, but you have a large amount of unfiltered magic radiating from your body. It's probably due to all the contact you've had with magic over your lifetime."

Ranma stared down at himself then at Yuko, who nodded.

"Before my death, I asked the dimension witch to grant me one wish. The price I paid was the reliance on your magic to maintain my lifeline and magical powers. The stronger you get, the stronger I'll get. The weaker you get, the weaker I'll get. If you die, then I die as well. Everything I am is now completely dependent on you."

"What was the wish you made?"

"I'd rather not say…"

"Oh, come on!" If he was going to get saddled with another girl, then the least she could do was tell him what her stupid wish was.

Xing got a splash of red across her cheeks and looked away almost shyly. "My wish was live my life with someone who would never hurt me, and keep me safe and happy."

"Ah… I see…" Ranma squeaked out. That was an embarrassing revelation for both parties.

Yuko laughed outloud; it was a funny sight to behold, two normally confident people acting so shy and modest.

"This is insane, even for me. Why is this all happening right now?" Ranma asked Yuko, who was lightly kissing the back of his hand. "It's a pretty big coincidence that I seem to be coming across all this powerful magic and meeting a bunch of reincarnated people in the span of two days. And you, you could have just shown up months ago, so why right now?"

"Because everything is inevitable…"

"Huh?" What was that supposed to mean. He saw that she was in serious mode again; the way Yuko could shift personalities so easily was really beginning to rattle him. Ranma noticed that Xing was ignoring the two of them and was just admiring her clothes. He would never understand girls and their obsession with clothes; he specifically thought of Tomoyo who showed him a few designs for his own battle costumes.

'_Oooo, you look hot in those.'_ Yuko voiced in when he pictured himself in some of those clothes.

'_I hope you're kidding. Tomoyo's costumes make me look like a Super Sentai Warrior.' _

Yuko laughed outloud before further expanding on her previous comment. "There is no such thing as coincidence in this world, there is only Hitsuzen. This meeting between you and myself, Sakura-chan, Syaoran, Xing, even Keroberos and Yue, all of it is foreordained. Regardless of the paths you may or may not have taken, it was always your fate to meet us."

"I… have no idea what you just said." Ranma said skittishly. Xing nearly fell over but caught herself in time, and eyed the young man like he was an idiot, which summed up her thoughts perfectly.

"You are an idiot." It summed up her words nicely too.

Yuko chuckled softly before draping herself over him and laying her head onto his shoulder. "This was just meant to be, Ranma-kun. No matter what happened, you and I were always meant to be."

He sighed tiredly, "I guess I can live with that. Not like I have much of a choice."

After a minute or so, Ranma glanced around and saw that time was still frozen; he silently questioned if this was the right move to make, but then just shrugged, he was never going to get another chance to do this without serious repercussions.

He leaned forward and gave Yuko a deep kiss.

And as Hitsuzen would have it, time rushed back to the world and everyone in the classroom gawked stupidly at the teacher and student smacking lips in the middle of the classroom.

"RANMA! DIE, YOU CHEATING BASTARD!"

"RANCHAN, HOW COULD YOU!"

"Oh come on!" Ranma scooped up Yuko and Xing, and then jumped out the window and ran for safety. "Why did everything have to unfreeze right now!"

He looked at the woman in his arms, who failed to hide her mischievous look. "You've gotta be kidding me…"

"What? I felt that the afternoon needed some entertainment."

"Entertainment?" And Yuko supposedly loved him too, he shuddered to think what she would do if she hated him.

'_I do love you. That's why I'm going to let you in a little secret to make up for this.' _

"Yea, what's that?" Ranma questioned, while trying to ignore the ever increasing group of people behind him. Wow, didn't anyone in this town have a life of their own; nearly every week, people seemed to drop what they were doing and formed a mob just to chase him for no reason. He swore there was a timetable for everyone to meet up at, because most of these people had no way of knowing what he had done unless…

…Nabiki, damn her.

"RANCHAN, YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

"YOU DARE PLAY WITH AKANE-SAN'S HEART! RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"

"RANMA-SAMA! PLEASE KIDNAP AND RAVISH ME INSTEAD!"

"SAOTOME! LET GO OF SHAMPOO RIGHT NOW!"

Ranma shouted furiously at the last voice. "IN WHAT UNIVERSE ARE THESE GIRLS' HAIR COLORS PURPLE, YOU BLIND MORON!"

"YOU COULD HAVE FORCED HER TO DYE IT!"

Just as Ranma was about to respond to that stupid comment, something was thrown into his line of sight, and Xing caught a wooden sign with the words 'Boy, your fiancée is Akane! You're supposed to marry a Tendo!' scribbled on it. If only he wasn't scrambling to preserve his life, he'd give that freakin' panda the thrashing he so rightly deserved.

Xing tossed the sign behind her and managed to hit Tendo Soun over the head, causing him to fall over and trip up a good portion of the mob.

Ranma raised an eyebrow, clearly impressed by her aim. "Nice shot, Xing. I don't know if I'm comfortable being your master, but I definitely won't mind having you around to save my ass."

Yuko chuckled amusedly when the girl blushed at the compliment.

"Oi Yuko, what's this secret of yours? I'd like to know in case I die today." Ranma took to the rooftops, hoping to outpace the few people who avoided the earlier collision. Too bad those were the most troublesome ones to deal with; he ducked under a bonbori hurled by a very pissed off Amazon who showed up from nowhere, and barely jumped over the second one thrown.

"AIREN, YOU NO CHEAT ON SHAMPOO!"

Crap, he was toast…

Yuko laughed melodically. "Even if the heart forgets, there are things the body will always remember."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Was that even Japanese?" If Ranma wasn't so busy trying not to become road meat, he would have stopped in utter confusion. He hoped Yuko didn't keep saying all this weird stuff; he had a hard enough time keeping up with normal conversation at times.

"Oh, I trust you'll find out soon enough…" She smirked at the thought of his reaction when he discovered that his body still retained knowledge of the Nekoken, even after Sakura erased his fear of cats.

Ranma would have retorted had a small blur coming his way not caught his attention. _'Oh fuck me, please tell me that's not…'_

"HOTCHA! COME TO HAPPI!"

The young martial artist couldn't react fast enough, and Happosai got past his kicking range to jump right in front of Yuko and then… he kissed a plastic sailor duck?

What the hell…

Happosai was surprised to see his lips had made contact with a toy puppet on the brunette's hand, rather than the actual woman he was aiming for. Both master and 'student' were astounded to see Yuko react faster than they could, but of course they knew the reason behind it. The specifics were unknown but they knew magic had been involved; Ranma because he knew Yuko, and Happosai because he had been around long enough to feel the change in the air after the use of magic.

"Hohoho, you always manage to get yourself such interesting new playmates, Ranma." Happosai pulled out his pipe from his gi and started to take a few puffs.

"What the hell do you want, Jiji. I have shit to do." He looked behind him and saw the angry mob search a little too close to his actual position, _'And people to avoid.'_

Happosai grinned lecherously and took out a matching set of frilly bra and panties. "I just wanted to see if my sweet Ranma-chan wanted to play dress up for this kind and generous old man."

Ranma growled and before he could fiercely reject, he felt something hit him from above and soak him in cold water.

"HOTCHA! I knew throwing that water balloon first would work!" The perverted grandmaster threw himself at the bouncy bosom he loved so much. After a while, Happosai realized something was wrong, and groped around and felt nothing that was squeezable. He tilted his head up and saw a vicious grin on a still male Ranma's face.

"What? How? I don't…" For the first time in his life, Happosai didn't understand what was going on. He leapt off and erupted into an angry aura. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY PRECIOUS RANMA-CHAN!"

"Let's just say the days where you're a threat to me Jiji, are long over." Ranma snarked back condescendingly.

"HAPPO DAI-KARIN!" The old lecher angrily threw several bombs at his 'student', who agilely dodged them while balancing the two girls on the palm of his hands. Ranma even kicked some of the fireworks back; one such return got lucky and hit the aged fighter, creating a smokescreen which blocked his vision and made him cough violently.

Ranma immediately took advantage, and rushed in to land a strong kick that sent the tiny man high into the air. It didn't even faze Happosai as he recovered right away and took out the largest fireworks bomb he had. "SUPER HAPPO DAI-KARIN!"

"Oh shit." At seeing the giant explosive thrown at him, Ranma hastily put the girls down and got ready to intercept…

'_Just leave it all to me, stud.'_

…That was until Yuko's voice stopped him in his tracks. He began to get nervous as the bomb got closer and closer and his girlfriend didn't seem to be doing a thing about it.

'_You called me your girlfriend! Yay!' _

"This really isn't the time for that. Please tell me you have a plan?" Ranma paid closer attention to the woman, and did a double-take as he saw that Yuko had changed her outfit into a black baseball uniform with a cap worn backwards and a red aluminum bat in her hands. His eye twitched when she seemed to be more interested in blowing bubbles with her gum than the impending doom above.

He turned to his other side and facefaulted at the sight; Xing was dressed up too, only she had on an umpire's uniform, complete with protective mask and gear.

Yuko blew a bubble and wiggled her rear around, making the boy to blush. _'Man, she looks really cute in that uniform and hat.'_ She smirked as she caught the boy's stray thought, and then swung the bat as hard as possible to strike the giant explosive ball right back to its owner. Happosai's large eyes widened comically at how easily his secret weapon was turned against him.

The sky exploded with beautiful, bright fireworks, and an old lecher disappeared into the horizon.

"Yes, home run for Yuko! This calls for a celebration." The red eyed witch cheered for herself, and chugged down an entire sake bottle in one go.

"Foul Ball." The other brunette deadpanned.

"What? No, that wasn't!"

"Yes, it was. See the angle at which he flew off; foul ball."

"Boooo! You suck, ump! Get your eyes checked out!" Yuko hopped into her man's arms and cuddled his chest; his face scrunched up at the smell of alcohol on her breath. "Ranma-kun, that was a home run right? Tell mean little Xing she needs glasses."

Ranma was interrupted from answering when he heard a voice shout out from above, "SAOTOME, RELEASE MY DEMURE GODDESS THIS INSTANT!"

"You've gotta be shittin' me…" Ranma mumbled; maybe he was just imagining things. The odds of the earlier 'Happo Throw' technique throwing Kuno right to his current location at this precise moment were just ridiculously stupid.

Then again, this was Nerima…

"HAVE AT THEE!" In the span of a few seconds, a hundred bokken thrusts were launched at Ranma, who countered with a hundred kicks. Kuno abruptly stopped his offensive assault and stood gallantly poised, ready for more.

Xing blinked curiously when the upperclassman's eyes rolled back and he fell over unconscious. She took a closer peek and saw several footprints all over the young man's body. Ranma just smirked when she looked at him questionably, "When I was parrying his attacks with my kicks, I got a few extra shots in of my own. Man, he's just so slow; I wonder if he has a Jusenkyo curse that turns him into a slug." She arched an eyebrow at that remark; the other boy was a blur with his weapon strikes, but her master seemed to think nothing of that speed, even going so far as to insult it.

Ranma picked Xing back up, and made sure that both women were secure in his arms before taking off. He got ready to jump to the next rooftop when the floor in front of him suddenly exploded outward. He skidded to a halt, being very careful not to let any debris hit the girls.

"WHERE THE HELL AM I NOW?"

Oh great, he knew only one person who asked that particular question.

"Oi, P-chan, how'd you get in front of us. I thought you were back there with the rest of the crowd?"

Ryoga turned around sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "Heh, I don't know, I made a right turn and all of a sudden I was walking past a huge white house with lots of people in black suits around, then I went past this big clock and people talking about cheerios, until I finally ended up walking up a case of stairs and blew a hole in the ceiling to find a way out."

"So, you pretty much got lost again like a total idiot."

"Yea… hey wait! RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"

Ranma couldn't really do much with his passengers still being cradled. So he just kicked the parasol out of the lost boy's hands as it was swung down, and jumped into the air, grabbed the heavy umbrella with his toes, and twisted his body around in midair to clock Ryoga upside the head with his own weapon. Ranma kicked out and flung the umbrella, smashing it into the Ryoga's face before he could recover from the initial strike.

'_And I did it all without messing up the girls' hairs, man I am the coolest.'_ Ranma arrogantly boasted, causing Yuko to silently chuckle.

He landed into a fast sprint and got the hell away from Mr. P. He never understood how Ryoga couldn't even find an exit out of a house, but somehow always managed to find him at the worst possible times. "Sorry piggy-chan, I can't stay and play. Me and these ladies have some place to be!"

Xing tilted her head curiously. "We do?"

"Yea, it's called any place else other than Nerima for a few weeks…" Hopefully by then, the storm that was his latest love interest would have passed, but he somehow doubted that. Future be damned though, presently the only thing that mattered was getting to Juuban in one piece. It was time to pay Usagi-chan that visit she's been wanting for a long time now.

Ranma nearly tripped over his feet when Yuko decided to spontaneously kiss him.

'_Yuko, you're blocking me!' _

'_Awww, but you just look so cute when you're scared out of your mind.' _

'_Hey, I'm not scared! Saotome Ranma doesn't get scared! This is just a secret technique allowing me to regroup and get a new plan ready.' _

"RANMA~~~~~~!" The roaring cry of a violent tomboy shook the entire district.

"This is not my fault. This is not my fault. This is not my fault. This is not…" Ranma repeated his frenzied whimper over and over again. Maybe if he did it enough times, it'll become true and everyone would magically forgive him.

"Not even a wish could make that come true." Yuko seductively breathed into his ear.

Ranms shuddered at the sensations that brought on, and purposely ignored the exasperated look Xing was giving him.

'_Dammit, this isn't my fault. This is all Hitsuzen! Hitsuzen, because of you, my life is hell! Oh, come on Yuko, stop laughing already!' _

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Author's Comments (R&R)

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Oh geez, it's finally done. After several rewrites and multiples add-ons, this beast of a 35k+ word chapter is finished. I don't know how it got to be this big, I was just planning to write a short encounter between the cardcaptors and Ranma, and it became like this.

I don't really have much to say other than I had a blast writing the CCS and XXXholic characters. My first genre of fanfiction that I've read was Cardcaptor Sakura so I had a very fun time with this chapter.

Just to point out, the Yuko in my story isn't completely Ichihara Yuko; this is after the events of Tsubasa Reservoir, so Saotome Yuko is like Hiiragazawa Eriol, reincarnated with the same memories, powers, and body of their previous selves; so they're essentially the same person but at the same time, they're not. The Neko-Ranma scene was supposed to be completely different. Eriol, Spinel Sun, and Ruby Moon were originally meant to confront him, but somewhere along the way I wrote in Yuko instead, then I wrote in Xing reincarnated as a cat, and I have to say; this was much better than my original idea.

I put a few solid xxxHolic references in the story too. Yuko's use of the sailor duck puppet (that looks like Donald Duck) and red baseball bat, and her comment to Akane about feathers and Mushi comes directly from a story used in the manga. I found the girl during those chapters to be so similar in terms of temperament to Akane that I had to write it in.

The fight between Ranma and Sakura, both parties were holding back greatly. Ranma because he always takes his fights too lightly, especially against people he thinks don't stand a chance against him; and Sakura because she abhors violence.

Ranma is just ridiculously fast; even without the Umisenken, he's faster than Taro who was shown to dodge lightning in his third manga appearance against Asura. The speed of lightning varies from source to source, but almost all of them states that lightning moves at thousands of miles per **SECOND**. I don't know if this means that Taro and by extension Ranma, are both faster than lightning, but a person needs to be damn quick to dodge lightning at close range.

Sakura, on the other hand, is just one of the most powerful forces in anime. She could have just frozen time or erased his very existence. I don't care how much of a combat fighting genius Ranma is, I don't think any pure hand-to-hand fighter can do anything against magic of that level. There are just some cards that I think Ranma can naturally fight against even if they're very powerful like Sleep or Shadow, but he has no defense that comes to mind for magic like Time, Erase, Dark, or Light.

For those of you who only watched the anime, at the end of the CCS manga, Kinomoto Sakura is technically the most powerful magician in the CLAMP world. Eriol (aka Clow Reed) asked Sakura to split his original power between himself and his other half, Fujitaka. And even then it was stated that only a person with the potential to become stronger than Clow Reed had the ability to do this; so regardless Sakura was going to end up more powerful one day.

I'm really an old school anime watcher, so the only people I can think of who are more powerful than Sakura are the Saiyajins, Piccolo, and the end-boss villains of DBZ, Tenchi from the Tenchi Muyo series, and Sailor Moon. Don't let all the fanon fool you; in the manga, Sailor Moon is a planetbusting, reality-altering badass who can kill most people just by pointing at them.

I also made Sakura and Syaoran get better with their magic because of their older age. Sakura doesn't need her staff to summon her cards anymore, and Syaoran doesn't need his Ofuda to use his elemental magic spells. I also made Syaoran a bit like his Tsubasa counterpart, with him using kicks to fight.

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I wrote about characters from other anime too, these are the premises of other crossovers I have in mind. Believe me, I never intended to put in anything about these anime, but I started to write about Konatsu and her obsession with her cute name, and that made me think about Washu. When I was writing about school, I thought of schoolgirls which led to the Sailor Scouts. Then I had Ranma praying to heaven, and that made me think of the goddesses. It was just one circumstance that led to another, and I ended up with a lot of cameo mentions.

I do not own Tenchi Muyo, Sailor Moon, or Ah! My Goddess.

Alright, that's pretty much it for author's comments. Next I'm thinking of writing one of two crossovers.

"Are You a Fairy or a Man?"

Or…

"This Is a Ninja Academy?"

The titles should make it obvious which series is which, especially if you're into Shounen manga.


	3. I'm Supposed to Teach Ninjas?

**Crossed Over **

**By Ohara Pirate**

**Chapter 3 – I'm Supposed to Teach Ninjas?**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters who are originally from Ranma ½ or Naruto… even if I could own them, I'd much rather prefer to just create my own characters that can rival them in every shape and form.

This is an independent oneshot, and its characters and storyline have nothing to do with the other chapters of 'Crossed Over.'

**Summary:** An invitation to teach a bunch of ninjas was too enticing for a martial artist to refuse.

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><p>"characters talking"<p>

'_characters thinking'_

* * *

><p>"This better be the place or else I'm kicking someone's ass." Ranma growled as he looked around the mixture of trees, plants and wild life in the secluded mountain peak, and of course he couldn't forget the behemoth of a gate right in front of him. They had just walked into a thick fogbank that appeared out of nowhere, which set his danger senses off right away, and ended up at the base of a long flight of stairs that led up to this huge mountain. Another odd fact was that it seemed to be winter all of a sudden, if the snow and ice were any indication, which was bizarre because as far as he knew it was supposed to be summer.<p>

Ranma's face contorted in annoyance. "Oi, P-chan. Did you get us lost again? We're already three days late as it is! I'm still confused over what happened that one time; how did we get to Times Square in New York City? We were just crossing the freakin' street!"

"Ranma, don't you dare call me P-chan!" Ryoga yelled furiously, "Where the hell did you go, you coward!" He had his back turned away from the others and was facing the opposite direction towards the road they had just walked down from. He frantically looked around for his hated rival, ready for another heated battle.

The lost boy's two companions watched the all too familiar scene with dull expressions; they couldn't understand how a person's sense of direction could be so damn awful.

"Hibiki, you're an embarrassment to those of us who wish to represent Nerima with pride and honor." Mousse said with barely held contempt. Of course, his own statement would have gone over better if he wasn't talking to a monkey statue near the entrance. "Honestly, how could you get lost when we're right here?"

Ranma groaned and looked up at the sky in exasperation. For once he actually wished that both Akane and Shampoo had tagged along for this little trip. Sure, it would have meant extra trouble for him in the long run, but he really didn't want to be the one forced to babysit the lost and blind over there.

"Mousse, put your glasses on, ya moron! You're talking to a freakin'…" Ranma cut his sentence short when a glint of light caught his attention. Finally, the prospect of a fight lifted up his spirits after spending a few days with his pathetically useless friends. The martial artist had to admit that whoever was attacking him had some impressive aim. The angle at which the weapon was thrown from was aimed to pierce the side of his neck. It was odd they would go for such a sensitive area though; did they want him to choke to death on his own blood?

Before the pigtailed boy could react though, a bandana quickly intercepted and knocked the kunai out of the air. A kunai, a weapon of that sort usually indicated a ninja. Ranma glanced to the side at the lost boy, who was readying a few more bandanas and his umbrella. "Oi, P-chan, what'd ya do that for? I had it handled."

Ryoga put on a devious smirk. "I'm not taking any chances. The right of beat you down once and for all belongs to me only."

"Then you'd be mistaken once again, Hibiki. If anyone is going to finally put an end to that annoying bastard, it's me." Mousse scoffed as he put his glasses on, and promptly balked when he saw the statue he was previously talking to.

"Yea, yea, how about both of you learn not to suck so much, and then we'll talk." Ranma rolled his eyes at the string of threats he constantly heard every day. All everyone seemed to do nowadays was run their mouth and talk smack; that was supposed to be his shtick, dammit!

Ryoga and Mousse scowled at the laid back retort, but before any more harsh words could be further exchanged two people appeared in front of them in a gust of wind and leaves. Both were male, but one had black shaggy hair, a goatee, and a bandage across his nose; the other had brown hair that was combed over his right eye.

"Dammit, they're three weeks late and they had to show up today of all days? We were so close to our break too." Hagane Kotetsu complained as he scratched his head in irritation.

Kamizuki Izumo sighed at his partner's antics. "Come on, this is supposed to be our job. The least we could do is take it more seriously."

"I don't see why, it's not like they're actual enemies. This is all just Hokage-sama's elaborate tes…"

"Will you shut up already? We're not supposed to let them know that, you idiot."

Ranma yawned and stretched his arms out as the new arrivals continued to argue with each other. Judging by their body language, he could tell they were no strangers to combat. Now if only they would stop bickering like an old married couple and start the freakin' fight, he could have some fun already.

"Alright, enough of this, let's just get this mission over with." Izumo seethed as he threw his arms into the air in exasperation. The ninja held no grudge against these people, but the Hokage's orders were absolute. He took out three shuriken from his vest, and fired them at the kid with the pigtailed hair. Just as the weapons were about to hit their mark, all three vanished right before their eyes.

Kotetsu had to smirk at whatever took place just now. It was impressive, but he was accustomed to such things from the elite ninjas of the village. "Well, looks like you lot aren't as weak as I thought. You still look like absolute jokes though, dressed in those stupid clothes but I guess you really can't judge a book by its cover."

'_My clothes are stupid?'_ Ranma looked at himself in wonder and his eye twitched agitatedly. He was about to violently disagree with that judgment when a hand on his shoulder forced him to a stop. Looking behind him, Ryoga and Mousse seemed equally ticked off at being so casually insulted.

Ryoga cracked his knuckles and snarled fiercely, "Sit your ass down, Ranma. We'll handle this."

Mousse nodded tightly in agreement.

On any other occasion, Ranma would have told the deadweights to take a backseat, but he'd never seen those two look so motivated outside of a duel with him, so he'd figured it would be best to just relax and enjoy the show. He plopped down on the ground and got out some of his snack provisions and a can of green tea, and then waved a banner around with the words 'Go Porky! Go Daffy!' written on them.

Luckily for the pigtailed one, the aforementioned pig and duck were too busy sizing up their respective opponents to see the insulting monikers. Ryoga glanced at Mousse who nodded in affirmation; he nodded back and quickly threw his umbrella at the one with the bandages around his face.

Kotetsu inwardly shook his head at the stupidity of it all. _'Is this guy for real? What kind of idiot uses an umbrella to attack someone?'_ He jumped up to avoid it only to become wide-eyed when the parasol shattered the stone ground into multiple pieces. Before he could recover from this shocking revelation, the bandana-boy reached him before the blink of an eye. _'Fast…'_ was the last thought he had before he was hit with a shoulder strike that smashed him hard into the wall.

'_What the hell…'_ Izumo was blown away at the young man's speed. There were very few jounin who could move that fast and even then, what the hell was with that strength behind that attack; Kotetsu's entire body was deeply imbedded within the thick wall. Because he was so busy gawking at his partner's unconscious form, he was caught off guard when numerous chains wrapped around his body and flung him towards the forest. He roughly hit one of the trees head first and blacked out immediately.

Ranma paused his popcorn gorging and sweatdropped at how easily his friends dispatched their playmates. He expected a long drawn-out battle with plenty of fancy techniques and skills being thrown out everywhere, but this pathetic exchange lasted only a matter of seconds.

"Unbelievable, I give you two the benefit of the doubt and you stupid lamebrains couldn't even make the fight the least bit entertaining." Ranma put the food and banners away, and jumped to his feet in a huff. That was the last time he'd let those jokers ever take the lead. They never did know how to put on a good show, way too serious for their own good.

"Shut up!" Ryoga and Mousse were flushed with embarrassment. It was bad enough that they inadvertently picked a fight with a couple of weaklings, but they also made a fool of themselves in front of their archrival.

As the three travelers made their way to the giant doors, a sudden hail of kunai and shuriken rained down on them. Ryoga hastily picked up his umbrella and used it as a shield to block the incoming objects. Mousse pulled out two swords and with incredible precision, deflected anything that would have hit him. The most remarkable thing was how Ranma handled the incoming danger. He stood perfectly still, with a bored look on his face and his hands in his pockets, and anything that came near him disappeared; the weapons seemingly vanished into thin air. By the end of the barrage, the pigtailed martial artist was in the middle of a barren circle surrounded by excess weaponry.

It was at this point that the ANBU Captain decided it was time to personally handle this and made a clear signal with his right hand.

In an instant, the Nerima fighters were confronted by seven people wearing masks over their faces. While two of martial artists looked ready for a battle, the third one simply looked uninterested with what was going on.

"Wow, we're being really underestimated here if only this few came." Ranma spoke unexcitedly. His body language conveyed a lack of concern about the group of… what the heck were they supposed to be anyway? "Hey, are you guys apart of the circus or something? What's with the animal masks?"

This was confounding to the ANBU present. They were supposed to be elites among the elite, ninjas who were personally hand-picked by the Kage of their respective villages. The Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai of Konoha was especially well known among the ninja world, and for someone to not even know what their masks symbolized was absurd.

The guy wearing a white cat mask with green and red markings stepped up causing Ranma to shudder as he took a few glimpses of the mask before quickly turning away in disgust. It looked feline but one could easily confuse it for a fox, which is what he purposely did, a fox was infinitely better than a c-c-a-a-a…

Yamato, also known as Tanzou to a few, wondered why the pigtailed kid seemed to be shivering every time he looked at his direction before replying. "Our identities are of no concern to you. Right now you are all in violation of Konoha law, and are hereby ordered to step down peacefully and be taken back to the village for interrogation."

Ranma's only surprise about this turn of events was that it took this long for the shit to hit the fan. Nevertheless, he had hard evidence that they were all invited to come here, so the least he could do was try some diplomacy before being forced to kick everyone's ass. He took out a piece of paper and flicked it to the guy in the cat-mask. "Yea, well ya see, I was sorta asked to come here, and these guys are my plus ones. Apparently this place is short on teachers or something, and they want me to educate the brats, uhhh… I mean the students."

The ANBU captain pretended to scan over the contents of the letter, as he already knew what was written on it, and put it away into his armor. "The letter does indeed state that you are a guest to Konoha Academy, but that doesn't excuse the fact that you attacked two members of this school, and that is a criminal offense here regardless of your stature."

"Yea, what else is new. Even though none of this is my fault, I'm still getting the shaft." Ranma groaned in frustration. He watched curiously as the man went through a set of bizarre hand motions.

"Mokuton: Mokusatsu Shibari no Jutsu!" The ninja's arms morphed into giant wood tendrils that immediately rushed forward to bind Ryoga and Mousse and lifted them into the air. When the timber tried to wrap around Ranma, his body faded away into thin air.

Yamato's eyes widen in disbelief. As he discretely looked around to try and locate the missing boy, he felt a sudden weight on his left side.

Ranma eyed the tree bark curiously, with his head slightly tilted. "That's a nice technique ya got there. How the hell did ya pull it off?" He was idly leaning his elbow on the guy's shoulder, trying to figure out how a person could transform their arms into wood. It was a pretty cool skill, even among the other weird shit he's seen in his life.

Yamato didn't know what to do in the face of this unexpected development. It should have been impossible, but the pigtailed boy had just moved across at least a few dozen feet, past highly trained ninja, and slipped right past his tight defenses and into his personal space, all in an instant and without him noticing. Yamato would have understood if this happened to a genin fresh out of the academy, but he was an elite jounin and the captain of a Konoha ANBU squad. Nobody should have been fast enough to completely elude his vision and invade his personal space so easily.

Ranma made a few 'hmming' noises while continuing to stare at the man's wooden arms. "Ya know what though. Those trees are gonna be pretty useless against those two, so I hope ya got something stronger to tie them down with than that."

Yamato disregarded that comment. His jutsu was far tougher than even the strongest trees in Konoha and took an absurd amount of strength to break or cut, it was absurd for anyone to break it outside S-Class level jutsu. Just then the wood around his captured prisoners blew up into hundreds of little pieces.

"Damn it, Hibiki! I could have just cut us free!"

"That would have taken too long, my way was faster!"

"Look at me, my clothes are ruined and I have abrasions everywhere. Not all of us went through that ridiculous boulder training, you know."

"Well, whose fault is that, you blind moron!"

"Who are you calling a moron, you lost imbecile!"

Ranma threw himself between the two combatants and kept the dumbasses from mauling each other. He figured it wasn't a good idea for the group to fight amongst themselves, at least not while surrounded by unknown enemies. Although honestly, what he really wanted was to prevent Mousse from bringing out his unique array of weapons. It was pretty embarrassing to be associated with a person who used a swan toilet-training potty as one of their signature weapons.

Ryoga was about to punt the pigtailed idiot out of the way when several chains wrapped around him and roughly pulled him to the ground. "Damn you, Mousse! Attacking me while my guard was down, you coward!"

"What are you going on about, piggy? I'm not doing anything."

Ryoga blinked confusedly when he noticed Ranma and Mousse were just standing in front of him, looking at something behind him. He tilted his head back and saw that the culprits responsible for his entrapment were three of the masked people who were pulling on the shackles, dragging him towards them. He growled irritably, and rolled forward onto his feet and then ripped the steel chains apart like it was paper.

The lost boy charged the three ANBU like a stampeding rhino. They tried to force him off his path by throwing kunai and shuriken, but all of it harmlessly bounced off his umbrella. The ninjas sprung into the air as the boy leapt forward and made a huge crater in the ground upon landing. One of them prepared to release a fire jutsu, but he was interrupted when Ryoga threw his heavy umbrella at his stomach. The sudden impact of the unbelievably heavy apparatus caused the shinobi to fly back and black out almost instantly.

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

The second ninja, a kunoichi, was equally unlucky as the ground beneath her exploded and sent her high into the air. She moaned in pain after landing awkwardly, her body was riddled with cuts and abrasions from the shrapnel of the rock pavement.

The third shinobi jumped out of the debris left over and successfully landed a punch, but his attack had virtually no effect and he winced as the bones in his hands were clearly broken, fracturing at once upon contact with the lost boy's thick skull. The bandana boy grabbed his wrist and twisted his arm so hard that his entire body spun around rapidly multiple times; the pain was excruciating enough that the ninja lost consciousness before he even hit the ground.

Ryoga sighed disappointedly at the one-sidedness of these fights. If this was the level of skill in the adults here, then he could only imagine how weak the students must have been. This place desperately needed someone like him to whip them into shape; after all, nothing made a person tougher than having a giant rock smash into their body a few hundred times. But he did promise Ranma that he wouldn't interfere in any way. Speaking of whom, he noted that Mousse was in a fight of his own but that pigtailed bastard was nowhere to be found.

The remaining three ANBU engaged the bespectacled martial artist in close combat, hoping to use their weapons and superior numbers to overwhelm his defenses, but all of their slashes and thrusts were either dodged or parried. Suddenly the male amazon's hands blurred forward, and the three shinobi gawked dumbly as their blades fell apart into several neat little pieces.

"Hakucho Ken!" Mousse's hands blurred again and his adversaries collapsed in an unconscious heap. He put his weapon away and glanced at Ryoga, who looked even more bored than he felt. It was understandable after all; years of fighting against Saotome made other challengers seem like a joke. He was fully aware that Ranma had left just moments before, but where exactly that pigtailed bastard went to was a mystery.

Perched on a tree branch in the deep forest, Ranma shook his head in embarrassment. "Oh god, I hate that move, 'Fist of the White Swan'. I still can't believe I got hit by that once." He turned to the side and addressed the person hidden behind him. "Believe me, if you knew what he just used for a weapon, you'd be pretty ashamed for those guys too."

Silence acknowledged his words.

"Oh come on, don't play coy with me now, I know you're there. Ya see, unlike most people who are too dumb to run from danger, the natural instincts of animals are to run away and not stick around taking pictures and videos to post on Youtube. So you pretty much screwed yourself over by coming into a desolate place like this."

The fact that any animal in a nearby radius was long gone basically screamed to him that any noise had to have been made by a person. Ranma wisely chose this location to fight because he knew even those silent bastards couldn't prevent the tiny crunching sound snow made when a person stepped on it. Gotta love Mother Nature, she made ninjas her bitch.

Not seconds later, kunai were launched at him from all directions, but the martial artist easily avoided them by rolling forward. Cat-mask ran out from the shadows and attempted to shove a kunai into his heart, but Ranma pivoted his body around using his hands and tripped up the ninja with a low kick. He then executed a roundhouse kick that was barely avoided but did knock the guy's mask off.

Ranma took a moment to examine his now unmasked opponent suspiciously. He couldn't be too sure, but the guy didn't seem to be…

"You're not human, are you?"

"What makes you say that?" Yamato-bushin arched an eyebrow. It had to be a bluff, there was no way this kid could have known he was a wood clone.

"For one thing, you're not breathing." Ranma let out a deep huff through his mouth, and the hot air could clearly be seen in the cold atmosphere. "See, you're not doing that."

It was disturbing how perceptive the boy seemed to be. Yamato never encountered someone who could differentiate a clone just from its lack of breath even in this type of environment. The wood copy tried to buy some time and argue that point, but Ranma instantly disappeared and reappeared in front of him and shattered his jaw with a wicked uppercut causing the fake body to degrade back into wood.

Ranma grimaced in disgust and shook his hand of any mulch left over. "Ew, yuck, oh that's just nasty. What the hell were you?"

The real Yamato dropped down from above and swung down his sword to try to lop Ranma's head off, but that attempt backfired when his wrist was roughly grabbed without so much as a backwards glance, and then he was casually tossed away. The Konoha ninja quickly recovered by flipping over and rebounding off a tree and engaged the boy in hand-to-hand combat.

Yamato was considered no slouch when it came to taijutsu. During his time serving under Hatake Kakashi as Tenzou, he proved to be fully capable of dismantling his enemies in any type of fight. He was no Maito Gai or Sarutobi Asuma, but he was still recognized as one of Konoha's premiere taijutsu experts. However, this boy was undeniable proof that there still existed a level of skill and technique well beyond anything he was trained in. It was especially a hurtful blow to his pride and ego how obvious it was that the young man wasn't even having the least bit of trouble fighting evenly with him.

Yamato handsprung backwards to put some distance between them, and quickly used a jutsu that would hopefully gain him some leverage.

"Mokuton: Daijurin no Jutsu!"

The ninja's arm transformed into wood and dozens of thick branches darted through the air, stabbing back and forth trying to fill Ranma's body with hundreds of holes. Unfortunately for Yamato, this technique was child's play for the martial artist to dodge since he was used to avoiding thrusting attacks on a much quicker level, courtesy of Kuno Tatewaki. The pigtailed boy fluidly moved around the sharp pieces of wood, and gathered ki in the palm of his hand for a counterattack.

Yamato regarded the bright yellow light with apprehension, and stopped his intense attack to form hand-seals for a defensive jutsu. "Mokuton: Shichuro no Jutsu!" A cube-shaped box made of wood erupted around Ranma, trapping him within. This confinement was specially made to be coated with the user's own chakra, so it was extremely durable and hard to break out of. However, what made this jutsu nearly impossible to break out of were the roots of the tree prison sapped away at the captive's energy, making them fatigued and sluggish almost instantly.

"Moko Takabisha!"

The shining glow leaking from the edges of the box, followed by a loud explosion peaked Yamato's interest, but at the same time gave him a feeling of forebode. _'There's no way he can break out of my prison, right?'_ The mere fact that this was the first time he ever questioned his own jutsu was not a good sign of faith.

"MOKO TAKABISHA~~~!"

A much brighter glow shone this time, and the ninja barely leapt out of the way as a huge wave of energy ripped open the prison wall and traveled all the way to the Konoha Gates. It was a testament to how powerful the blast was when a burnt mark was made on the surface of the chakra-reinforced doors. Those doors were designed to keep out S-Class ninjas so it was remarkable the attack had damaged it at all, even if it was only minimal.

Ranma panted heavily as he fell on his hands and knees, he had to pump out a lot more ki into his attack than usual. His first attempt at breaking out was an absolute failure; the energy infused in the walls and ceilings of the wooden structure was too much for his normal level of attack to do anything. So for the second try, he let loose an energy beam that would have made even Prince Herb of the Musk Dynasty shed a tear in pride. Unfortunately, Ranma looked ready to keel over by this point; the exertion from the two powerful blasts and the jail's draining feature made his stamina dangerously low.

'_What the hell was that?'_ Yamato silently wondered, shell shocked by the turn of events. As a jounin of Konoha it was a requirement for him to have an extensive knowledge of all the jutsus that existed in the world, including forbidden ones that have long since disappeared from everyday use. This technique however was unlike anything he'd ever encountered before.

Hearing his opponent's pain filled moan, Yamato recovered from the shock of Ranma's grand escape and hurried to take advantage of the fighter's tired state. He went in for quick knockout with a punch to the back of the neck, but was once more denied victory when the martial artist deftly evaded his attack by leaping to the side and rolling in mid-air and then kicking down to introduce his face through several tree branches. The young ninja finally received sweet unconsciousness when he hit the ground with an ugly thud.

The pigtailed boy landed in a crouch and sluggishly fell down on his behind, panting tiredly. "Shit, even though I hate to admit it, gotta give credit when credit's due. Ya got some good stuff there, but when it comes to fighting I ain't conceding to nobody." After a few more seconds of catching his breath, Ranma stood and picked the ninja up securely under his arm, but just as he made ready to jump back to his friends, he came to a screeching halt when an insanely huge aura appeared out of nowhere and nearly overwhelmed his senses. Sweating profusely, he peeked over his shoulder and warily looked on as an old man wearing funny looking robes and a hat casually strode towards him.

'_How long has he been standing over there?'_ Ranma privately wondered, and glanced down to notice that gramps seemed to be walking over the snow judging by the lack of footprints. _'That explains why I couldn't hear him. Probably heard what I said about the animals earlier. Definitely no amateur, that's for sure.'_

"Saotome-san, the rumors I've heard did not do you justice." Sarutobi Hiruzen smiled at the boy who reminded him of a tiger ready to pounce. It was unsettling how one of his best people was systematically dismantled by a child of such young age, not to mention that energy technique which was strong enough to damage one of the impenetrable defenses of the Konoha. Still, the Hokage had to admit he was inwardly pleased by what he had witnessed. His young ninja were sure to become even greater with a teacher of this caliber guiding them.

Ranma narrowed his eyes, immediately distrustful of the new presence. The old man was strong enough to be identified as an extremely dangerous foe, and that meant a lot of trouble for him in this exhaustive state.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I am the man who requested your services. I must thank you for taking it lightly on my ninja there."

The martial artist pursed his lips and furrowed his brow. "Yea, well… I always hold back when I can, so whatever. Wait, you're the guy in charge of my internship?"

Sarutobi nodded. "That would be correct."

The pigtailed boy narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Then you would know why these ninjas suddenly attacked me, wouldn't ya?"

"I have a slight idea as to the culprit responsible, but I assure no harm was meant against you, Saotome-san."

Ranma hmphed and looked away, more than a little annoyed. "Yea whatever, this might have been good exercise but it ain't exactly the best way to gain my trust there, boss man."

"I promise you all will be explained in time. Now if the pleasantries are over with, shall we move onto business?" Sarutobi smiled as he began to walk towards the gates, and was pleased when the young man followed him without much hesitation. "This position requires you to sign a very extensive contract, listing what you can and cannot do while in the village. There are many important rules that must be followed and cannot be broken under any circumstances or else there will be dire consequences for all the parties involved. Understood?"

Ranma nodded.

"Very well then, now you are aware that you will be teaching nine rookies that have recently graduated to Genin status this year."

"I read that part in the letter you wrote to Seta-sensei. If you have genins here then I suppose you have other ninjas who are chuunin and jounin too?"

Sarutobi was stumped by the inquiry. It would appear that Ranma was all too familiar with the ranks and titles of a ninja which was disturbing. It would seem that ninjas were a common occurrence in this young lad's life. "Indeed we do, I'm not sure about your world but a genin here is a low-ranked ninja. Typically they are only beginners in ninjutsu and are lacking in many areas, although a few are exceptions to that rule. There are two more ranks indicating advanced ninjas, the chuunin and jounin; each far more superior to that of a Genin. I'll go over these ranks with you in more depth once you're settled in."

"Gotcha, so far things here are pretty on par with the ninjas where I come from then. Anything else I should know about these kids before I meet them?"

"There is one particular student I'll ask you to look out for, but I shall fill you in on his situation later." Sarutobi hoped the young man wouldn't discriminate against Naruto because of his 'special' friend. "This is an unpaid internship but you will be given housing, food, and a daily stipend to pay for other necessities. We also allow for part-time employment if you wish to seek a job with benefits and more money."

Ranma nodded aimlessly as he looked around, admiring the regalness of the forest. "Yea, I went over all of this with your secretary already. I think her name was Anko."

"Ah yes, Anko…" That confirmed his suspicions about who was responsible for the assault on his newest employee. She must have snuck into his office at some point and pretended to be his secretary. He really needed to talk to that girl about channeling her anger and frustrations in a proper manner; she couldn't just throw a temper tantrum every time she didn't get her way. "I still have a few more things to go over with you but for the time being, welcome to the Konoha Academy for Ninjas, Saotome-san. My name is Sarutobi Hiruzen, and I am what you would call the Principal of Konoha Academy among other things."

"Uh, yea… nice to meet ya, I'm Saotome Ranma but I guess you knew that already."

"It's a pleasure, I'm sure we'll get along just fine. Now if you would be so kind as to join me back at the gates with the rest of your companions." Sarutobi took a single step and vanished in a burst of wind and leaves.

Now that Ranma had the chance to observe the technique more carefully, he saw that it wasn't speed movement; rather it was more akin to teleportation. That would explain how all those ninjas kept arriving without him noticing.

Ranma gently laid Yamato down on the ground and turned around to face the trees. "Hey, if you're just going to slink around in the shadows, you mind being useful and take this guy back with ya? I don't feel like carrying him anymore." With that said, the pigtailed boy leapt into the forest.

Not moments later, Hatake Kakashi appeared next to his friend and picked the younger ninja up. He looked deep in thought as he stared towards the direction that Ranma jumped off to before disappearing back to the village.

As Ranma got close to his destination, he could hear furious yelling that echoed throughout the forest causing him to groan outloud. Why, oh why did he let those idiots always follow him everywhere; he should have known they would cause him nothing but trouble. Tsu-chan was right, maybe he did have masochistic tendencies after all. He wondered if that's what attracted his ex-girlfriend to him in the first place; she always was kind of a sadist, especially with the way she treated her little sister.

He quickly hastened his pace and inwardly sighed at the sight of his friends glowering at his employer.

"Oi, what's going on here?"

Ryoga turned around in outrage and pointed at Sarutobi. "Do you know what he just told us?"

"Our getting ambushed was apparently some test to prove our worth." Mousse grunted. He looked at everyone with disdain.

"Yea, we come here at the request of this bastard and this is the welcome we get!" Before the lost boy could physically assault the old man, Ranma booted him into a tree then promptly ignored his outraged cries.

"First of all, morons, I was the only one asked to come here. The invite said I could bring some guests along, so I let you rejects tag along."

"You take back that lie, Saotome!" Mousse screamed at a tree causing Ranma and Sarutobi to sweatdrop.

"You're as blind as a bat, and Ryoga gets lost in a freakin' closet. Do you honestly think I couldn't have lost ya if I wanted to?"

"Shut up Ranma, don't you dare make fun of me!"

Ranma rolled his eyes and shifted his attention back to his new boss. "So, you really were the one who told those guys to attack us?" He had a feeling earlier that this might be true, but didn't want to push it too much since the old man was his benefactor here. Right now he didn't really care much who did what, he just wanted to get all the facts straight; besides it's not like this would have been the first time ninjas had tried to kill him.

The pigtailed martial artist held back a disgusted shudder at the image of Konatsu's stepmother and stepsisters.

Meanwhile in the background, Ryoga and Mousse were still complaining about their harsh treatment.

"Ugh, hold on Jii-san." Ranma strongly punched his companions to shut up their bitchin', and sharply exhaled in relief at the peaceful quiet. "Now where were we?"

Sarutobi didn't pay attention to the question as he was too deep in thought at how effortlessly Ranma handled the two people who dominated his ANBU. The attack on the bespectacled boy was nothing special, but the one to the bandana boy was nothing short of extraordinary. From what he saw in that one motion, hundreds of punches were thrown out with inhuman speed; it was so fast that to the untrained eye, it would have looked like a single punch. The Hokage never imaged that he could feel this rush again, but the thought of engaging this young warrior in battle made him forget his old age and worn-out haggard body. Right now, he felt more like the God of Ninjas he was once revered as.

"Oi, Jii-san?"

Ah, back to the matter at hand, how to explain this 'exam' that Ranma and his assistants were forced to partake in. Sarutobi didn't want to leave them with a negative impression of Anko, so he decided it was best to take the blame himself. "My apologies, I meant no harm. I suppose the time for explanations is now. You see, my village isn't an easy place to live in for combatants and I simply wanted to make sure you had what it took to properly defend yourself if it was necessary. I am proud to say that you have exceeded my expectations."

Ranma resisted the urge of answering back with a sarcastic 'thanks.'

"Well, I don't really give a crap about that. It was pretty fun to fight against that masked guy who did all those weird tree things. Besides I'm pretty much stuck here until I complete my internship with Seta-sensei. Those two idiots, on the other hand, are going to need some extra incentive to stay or else they might just leave. Not that I mind since they just followed me here because of the special pay."

"You mean the Jusenkyo water?"

Yup, that was the exact reason why Ranma chose this place over all the others. The incentive of finally curing his curse was too strong a temptation to resist.

There were a lot of schools that wanted him as a teacher, and still did in fact, but the martial artist chose to intern at the ninja school mainly because of the one unique offer they gave that nobody else did. Sure, there were a few other places that seemed cooler than here like the Mahora Academy of Magic or the Hogwarts School of Wizardry, but what the Hokage had in his possession was a rare commodity that wouldn't exist for quite some time thanks to the Phoenix King Saffron.

"JUSENKYO?" The formerly unconscious duo shot up to their feet instantly, which stunned Sarutobi as even he wasn't too sure if he could get up so easily after getting barraged with so many punches.

"So it's true, you really do have it?" Ryoga was ecstatic at that news. When Akane-san complained to P-chan about how Ranma was leaving to get a job as a teacher and the Jusenkyo water, he immediately searched out the pigtailed boy and demanded that he be allowed to come with. After hours of fighting, threatening, bargaining, and pleading he was finally permitted to tag along as an assistant teacher with the sole condition that he wouldn't meddle with Ranma's training methods, to which he reluctantly agreed.

Sarutobi nodded in affirmation. "If you mean the waters of the Spring of Drowned Man, then yes."

"So what's the holdup, give it up already." Mousse brazenly demanded.

The Hokage shook his head in a decisive negative. "I'm afraid that's not possible. It has already been agreed that the water would the final paycheck for Saotome-san after his internship is completed."

Mousse understood entirely what that meant…

"So you're telling me if I take his place in this internship, then I'll get the water instead of him?" The duck-cursed martial artist nodded to himself, and prepped for a sneak attack on his rival.

"Ummm… that's not what I meant at all." Sarutobi was perplexed by the answer. How the young man came upon that odd conclusion was beyond him.

Ranma groaned and rubbed his nasal bridge in irritation. "Oh geez, you are one dumb duck, Mousse. Is your hearing getting as bad as your sight now? It must blow pretty hard to be you."

"Shut up Saotome, I know what I heard! That ol' geezer said if I kick your ass right now, then I'll get the water!"

"That's not what I said…"

"Say no more! I hear you loud and clear!" Mousse flung out steel chains that tightly bound Ranma's forearm. He forcibly hauled in the martial artist but was startled when his target disappeared in midair. Just then, he felt an odd sensation and was floored to see that his own chains had somehow gotten wrapped around his body and kept him immobilized. The near-blind amazon was puzzled by what the hell just happened when he heard the pigtailed boy's voice behind him.

"Looks like you need to start training with Jizo-chan again. You've gotten really slow lately, kamo-chan." Ranma mocked before landing a kick to the small of duck boy's back that sent him clear across the ground. Almost immediately, he turned around to deflect the heavy umbrella that was thrown at him but was caught off guard when Ryoga, who was closer than he anticipated, belted him across the jaw with a devastating punch.

"Ranma, don't think I didn't hear that! If I beat you in a fight then I'll get the Jusenkyo water!" Ryoga shouted as he raced towards the pigtailed boy who was still flattened against the ground. All of a sudden, a blur came between him and his eternal rival, and before he knew what hit him, he collapsed to the ground in agony.

Ranma was dumbstruck by the scene that played out just moments before. The veteran ninja had just crossed a good sized distance in an instant, and then elbowed Ryoga in his Solar-Plexus, landed a palm strike on his chin, and finished up with a devastating kick across the face. He knew P-chan wouldn't be knocked out that easily, but it was still impressive to see a person catch one of his greatest rivals off guard and effortlessly manhandle him like that.

While the old man's martial arts skill was remarkable, the pigtailed boy was more in awe by the incredible control that Sarutobi had over his ki. The Hokage released incredibly quick bursts of energy with each of his attacks; it was done so fast that if he wasn't paying close attention then he would have missed it completely. It was scary how all the old people he met in his life were so brilliantly talented in fighting; Happosai and Cologne being the most prominent cases he could think of, not to mention Genkai-obaachan and Hunter Committee's Chairman Netero.

"I'm sorry Ryoga-san, was it? I can't allow anything to jeopardize the safety of one of my teachers, especially before he's even been officially welcomed to the school." Sarutobi stated unapologetically. Not a moment later, he was shocked to discover that his attack was all for naught as the boy he landed three vicious strikes on just sat up right away like nothing happened. It was inconceivable, but the young man looked more annoyed than hurt at the assault.

Ryoga moaned a little in pain as he got up, and glared at the person he knew was truly responsible for his suffering. "Ranma, you bastard, how dare you manipulate that sweet old man to attack me!"

Ranma palmed his face and let out a noise of exasperation. "You've gotta be kidding me. Are you freakin' kidding me?"

"For this humiliation, I'll make your life hell, Ranma!"

Sarutobi cleared his throat to get their attention and privately noted to do more research on the Ryoga fellow later. It wasn't very often he came across someone who could shrug off his attacks. "I'm sorry to interrupt but our time is very limited right now, so are there any other matters to attend to before we proceed?"

Ryoga just continued to stare menacingly at his hated foe, while Ranma thought about any questions that he still had. "I have a few more things to ask actually. For one thing, where the hell are we? This idiot over here…" He pointed at the red-faced lost boy, who demonstrated a rare show of composure by not responding back with violence, "…has gotten lost all over Japan, and he didn't recognize any of the sights we've seen here."

Sarutobi took out his pipe, filled it up with tobacco, and began to take a few deep puffs. "Well, one thing about Konoha Academy is that it holds many delicate and precious secrets that must remain hidden, and as such is located in a reality independent from the outside world to maintain that secrecy."

"Huh?" Both martial artists eloquently responded.

The Hokage sweatdropped; maybe his former students were right after all, he needed to learn how to better communicate with the younger crowd.

"Simply put, we are in a pocket dimension that's located in the Saitama Prefecture in the Kanto Region of Japan. That invitation in your possession is actually a teleportation scroll that allowed you to enter this sacred realm once you walked to the address written on the letter."

Ranma blinked at the revelation. This wouldn't be the first time he traveled to another dimension, but it was always strange nonetheless. Wait a minute, Saitama…

"You mean to say that we're right above Tokyo? As in we could have walked here from Tokyo in a few hours?"

"Yes…" Sarutobi was a bit confused why that mattered at all.

Ranma turned to Ryoga with his eye twitching erratically, and a large angry aura exploded around him. "I can't believe it. You knew this gig was important to me, but you got us lost for three weeks! THREE FREAKIN' WEEKS! When we could have gotten here in less than a day by foot…"

The lost boy sputtered nervously and before he could get a word out to properly defend himself, he was TKO'ed when a punch struck him with enough force to blow down a house.

Sarutobi bigsweated as the young man made a split-second switch in personality by going from an angry savage to a calm and collected individual. "Saotome-san, is everything alright?" He was concerned for the young man's mental stability, but more importantly he wanted to make sure that he didn't accidently hire a person who had rage issues to teach his impressionable genin.

Ranma laughed sheepishly when he realized what this must have seemed like to his sole audience. "Oh yea, sorry about that Jii-san; I just wanted to make sure Ryoga didn't get lost again. I finally got to this place after being late by three weeks, so I didn't want to waste any more time looking after this moron."

The aging ninja was confused by that. "Does he have a tendency to get lost often?"

"Yea, you can say that." Ranma snorted irritably. "Think of it like this, he couldn't find his way out of a small room with four doors to exit from."

Sarutobi sweatdropped.

Ranma nodded in sympathy. "Yea, that's usually my reaction too. The best way to make sure Ryoga doesn't wander off is if you just knock him out, and the easiest way to do that is to catch him with his defenses down. He knows I don't usually get pissed off like that, so he tends to get freaked out when I do."

"Hence that performance you just put on?"

"Exactly."

Sarutobi glanced from the bandana boy who was knocked out cold to the long-haired young man who was in a similar state. "Saotome-san, are you sure these two are people you want to help teach children? They seem very… unstable."

"Nah, don't worry about it." Ranma waved off the concern. "They're jackasses but they're still good guys at heart."

"I'm more worried about if they'll start to attack random people if they don't get their way." Sarutobi pointed at the two unconscious figures. "Those gentlemen demonstrated that they'll resort to violence to manipulate the situation to their advantage, which will not be condoned in my school. There are teachers here who will not hesitate to take drastic measures if confronted with that type of intent."

The pigtailed martial artist reflected on that. Most of the people he personally knew certainly wouldn't think twice about beating a person of threat into ground meat, so why should anyone here be different. He took into consideration that the natives here were all ninjas though, and there wasn't any doubt in his mind that a fight instigated against them wouldn't end in bloodshed.

"Well, I could have a talk with them, but I doubt it'll help. If anything, they might try to steal the water themselves and just take off." That's what Ranma would have done if he was faced with the same problem.

Sarutobi pondered on this dilemma and came to the only conclusion he could think of. He took out two stacks of papers and handed them over to Ranma. "I made up these documents just in case they were needed. If you could get them to sign it, then that would put my troubles at ease."

"Oh, that's easy to do." Ranma took out an ink case from inside his shirt and put Ryoga's palm onto it, and then he pressed it against the contract to make a perfect hand print; he repeated the same process with Mousse. He had on a wide smile on his face as he handed the 'signed' papers back to the Hokage, who had a rapid twitch in his eye. "There's no problem now, right?"

"I'm not quite sure this is quite ethical." Sarutobi didn't know if a contract was binding if the people who signed it were unconscious at the time.

Ranma scoffed humorously. "Of course it's not, but who cares. Those two are nobodies, their opinions don't matter."

The elderly man's eye tick became even worse at the remissive comment. In his younger days, he spent much of his time in the outside world so he knew enough about democracy and laws to understand that this wasn't how a citizen of the outside world was supposed to be treated.

Ranma went on unhindered by the fact that the old man's face was going through wild spasms. "Besides, this kind of stuff happens to me all the time, so it must be okay. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've gotten engaged to a random chick because my pops was a complete brainless sack of shit. Or how many times he's stolen my food and left me to starve. Not to mention, he's pushed me out of planes, kicked me off mountains, thrown me to wild animals, and worst of all, all the debt collectors we had to run from. Plus there was the Neko-ken where he threw me in a pit of starving cats wrapped around in sausage links when I was just a kid."

Sarutobi's other eye started to develop a nasty twitch now. Maybe this was the proof that he finally needed a hearing aid in his old age. There was no way he heard that correctly, the boy was thrown in a pit of cats…

"Don't even get me started on my mom who let me sign a contract of death when I was just a baby. It pretty much said that me and my dad would have to commit suicide if I didn't fit her image of being a real manly man."

Sarutobi really wished he did more thorough research on the young man's life before deciding on him for this job. Obviously, the boy had a sordid past that must have affected his mental psyche for him to think that this type of deranged way of living was normal. It should have been a hint of bad news when even the famous Detective Conan he tried to hire refused to go anywhere near Nerima.

"Believe me, my parents are saints compared to my fiancées…"

Sarutobi hastily cut in, "Excuse me, did you say fiancées, as in more than one?" The elderly man didn't think much of it when the boy mentioned it before, but Ranma's body language didn't seem to indicate a lie. "You mean to say, that your father truly engaged you to multiple women?"

"Oh yea, it wasn't just my pops either. My mom actually set up an arranged marriage for me with my ex-girlfriend. But we broke it off when we realized that we didn't have much in common but we still have feelings for each other, even though she's married to another man now." Ranma didn't really like Tsu-chan's husband all that much. That wimp of a loser didn't deserve to be with someone as powerful and beautiful as the former heir of the Shinmei-ryu School of Swordsmanship. Although he knew the reason why he held such hostility towards the poor man was because of jealousy, not that he'd ever admit that outloud.

Ranma put thoughts of his beautiful ex on the back burner, and carried on with his life story. "The fact that I'm engaged to a bunch of girls isn't the real problem here; it's who the girls are. Oh man, a lot of those chicks are genuine psychos. Ya know one of them is actually reincarnated from a giant gorilla named King Kong…"

"Okay, I think I heard enough." Sarutobi interrupted again. He wasn't sure if he could listen to another word of this adolescent teen's insane life, especially since he couldn't be too sure if it was all exaggerated or not. But right now for the first time in his life, he was considering the all too real possibility that there existed other people in the world who had a worse childhood than Naruto. And quite frankly, that was a very frightening thought to him considering the absolute hell the blonde genin was forced to endure on a daily basis.

"Ya sure that's all you want to hear, Jii-san? I didn't even get to all the juicy parts yet." Ranma cocked an eyebrow, bewildered by the older man's reaction. It wasn't the first time he's gotten such a reaction from a person either, something that he never quite understood; after all his life was pretty bland. "Like the time I died during the Neko-ken training and I met this cute Shinigami named Botan. Don't you want to hear about the friendship that crosses the boundaries of life and death?"

"Really, I think that's quite alright." Sarutobi responded in a deadpan tone.

"Aw man, cutting me off before I got to the real bat-shit crazy parts, like my Jusenkyo curse. Seta-sensei told ya about that right? Just making sure cause I don't want to end up giving you a heart attack or anything." Ranma didn't want to cause another incident like the one he created by mistake at the retirement home. It wasn't his fault, how was he supposed to know the old folks wouldn't be able to handle the shock of seeing his curse? Just because he sent a few dozen people to the hospital emergency ward, he wasn't allowed to volunteer again for extra credit at school. He had to go to summer school in his senior year because of that! What a crock!

Sarutobi nodded. The elderly ninja was no fool. He knew that the only reason why the martial artist decided to come to Konoha was because of the Jusenkyo water to cure his curse. It was incredible to imagine though, a person who had the ability to alter their own gender with the application of cold or hot water. It sounded like something out of a fairy tale. He wondered… "Saotome-san, if it isn't too much trouble, would mind giving me a demonstration of how your curse works. I must admit, I've never seen or even heard of such a phenomenon before."

Ranma shrugged aloofly. "Sure, it's no big deal actually but if you're really itchin' to see it, could ya wait until later. I might as well show the rest of the teachers and the student body so nobody get surprised when my curse gets turned on by accident."

The last comment got the attention of the Hokage's curiosity; things just seemed to get more and more fascinating about the boy. "Do you often get splashed with cold water? It is cold water that activates it, yes?" Sarutobi waited until Ranma nodded in affirmation before continuing, "Is it often that you come in contact with that much cold water? You make it sound like it happens all the time."

"Yea believe me, unfortunately it does. At least, only to me it does!" Ranma sighed depressingly and rubbed the back of his neck. "I just don't freakin get it, nobody else gets splashed as much as me. I just walk in a room and SPLASH! All of a sudden, I'm drenched from to head to toe. There's this little ol' ladle lady that I swear can give your ninjas a lesson in being stealthy."

Sarutobi chuckled amusedly, he was understandably skeptical about that. "You give my ninja too little credit, Saotome-san."

"Maybe, but from what I've seen so far, none of your people would be able to sneak up on that ladle lady. I swear she never misses to hit me or any of the others."

If this was said by anyone else other than this young man, then the leader of Konoha wouldn't have given it any merit. But this was a warrior of such high magnitude that he was recommend to him by highly reputable sources including Cologne of the Chinese Joketsuzoku tribe and Netero of Hunter Committee, both of whom were close friends.

"Such an interesting life you've led so far, Saotome-san. Especially amazing considering that you have many, many more years ahead for you." The elderly ninja uttered. "I'm not sure whether or not I should be in awe at the incredibleness of it all, or fearful that a person can survive such a harsh environment and come out with their sanity intact."

Ranma made a rude sound at that. "Please my life is heaven compared to some of the people I know. I'm actually quite thankful that even my life isn't as messed up as one of my friend's is." The specific person he had in mind was a kid he met face-to-face in the 288th Hunter Exam, Killua Zoldyck. He could never understand how that punk had turned out to be so normal given that he was essentially tortured day in and day out. Not to mention that messed up family of his, especially the older brother. Ranma's fist clenched when he remembered the first time he met the assassin prodigy during the 287th Hunter Exam. Illumi may have changed his outer appearance but there was no way the man could fully hide that twisted dark aura of his.

The Hokage remained silent. He always knew there were people who suffered such horrors that made Naruto's life seem like a paradise, but so far he had never met anyone who had such a sad existence as the young blonde's.

Ranma was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Sarutobi wanting to ask more questions, but just as the old man opened his mouth to do so, he was interrupted by Ryoga who stirred awake and groggily sat up. "Where am I now?" were all the words the pig-cursed boy could get out before a fist came flying towards his face, and he was sent back to dreamland.

After wiping his hands off his pants, Ranma slung the once more unconscious Ryoga over his shoulder, then grabbed Mousse by the back of his shirt and dragged him along. "Hey listen, if you have anything else you wanna know about me, would ya mind asking after me and my friends settle in? I'm exhausted after three weeks of globe hopping, plus I really want to make sure P-chan over here doesn't get lost again."

Sarutobi took a few seconds before he could shake himself out of his stupor. He didn't think he would ever understand the unnatural friendship that Ranma had with his companions; not even Kakashi and Gai had such an eccentric relationship. "My apologies Saotome-san, it was rude of me to take up so much of your time." He signaled to someone above them, and immediately the giant gates creaked and moaned as it slowly opened just enough for their small group to pass through. "If you'll be so kind as to follow me, I'll direct you to the apartment where you and your friends will be staying for the remainder of your internship."

As they were walking into the village, Sarutobi turned to ask Ranma one more question that's been plaguing him in the back of his head for quite a while now. "Is one of your fiancées really descended from a giant gorilla?"

Ranma chortled humorously. "Nah, I was just joking around with that. I like teasing her, it's a lot of fun. But really, if you knew her like I did, you'd swear she's got some type of ape blood in her."

As they continued their slow paced walking towards the village, Sarutobi suddenly remembered all the rumors he had heard about the boy's love life, while he had dismissed them as crazy fairytales, he felt apprehensive when he thought about what Anko's reaction to the handsome young lad would be. The snake mistress' reaction to the news of an outsider teaching genins may have been severely negative, but the Hokage had a feeling that would change the moment she saw what the new teacher looked like.

"There is one more thing I'd like to you about Ranma-san."

Ranma quirked an eyebrow as he balanced Ryoga on his shoulder. "What's up?"

"While you are a guest in the village I would appreciate it if you wouldn't seduce any of my kunoichi. I'd prefer for as many of them to be on the active list rather than be pregnant."

The pigtailed boy choked on air and dropped his friends out of shock. He ignored their moans and groans as he went through various facial expressions to represent what he was feeling at the moment.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

Then again, what better to best express one's emotions than with words?

"Well I have heard many unsettling things about your love life. Before I would have just ignored it because of the sheer absurdity of it all, but after hearing about it first hand from yourself, I feel it best just to make sure you won't try anything with the women of the village, ninja and civilian alike."

"You got it all wrong! I've never done anything perverted with any of the girls I know!" Ranma sputtered indignantly. Well, that wasn't exactly true, but it wasn't his fault all the crazy chicks of his life kept going to him for their stress relief.

Tsu-chan and he were responsible adults who were loved each other and them taking their relationship to the next level was a mutual decision, and he couldn't think of a better person to have his first time with. She was pretty much the only normal lover he ever had, despite her unusual friskiness in bed.

Set-chan, now that was definitely not his fault. It was their weekly tradition to get stone-cold drunk and release some pent up frustration through alcohol and complaining, but then that blasted senshi decided to switch things up and caught him off guard by shoving her tongue down his throat and her hand down his pants. That night started a brand new tradition for them, a weekly one night stand that lasted as long as she wanted or else she would go into the past and convince his father to engage him to even more women.

Ryoko was just scary and demanded some well deserved lovin' since Tenchi still couldn't choose between her and Ayeka, what the hell was he supposed to do against an alien who could blow up half the planet if she wanted to. Because of his bi-weekly 'sleepovers' at the Masaki home, he had to suffer the grubby tiny perverted hands of that pink-haired demon mother of hers too. How he rued the day he came across that flyer for a free therapy lesson for all Jusenkyo-cursed victims.

Hild-chan, well let's see anyone say no to the ruler of Hell when she was in the mood! Urd only jumped him after hearing that her mother got to him before she did. Peorth was for the same reason, only she wanted to get one up on her fellow goddess. Even Skuld got in on the action, yelling that if those hussies were gonna get some then so was she.

Mana, well shit, she was so excited, what qualified as excited for her anyway, when he told her that her school was one of the final choices he narrowed down. He had to do something to appease the half-demon gun-toting assassin after he told her that he wasn't going to be teaching at Mahora Academy! Let's just say she made it perfectly clear what he was going to do to make it up to her; either die a horrible painful death or make long passionate love to her whenever she wanted. Gee whiz batman, what great choices those were.

He didn't even want to remember Evangeline. Eva-chan was the one who got him that recommendation to teach at Mahora in the first place, she was really looking forward to having him at her disposal 24/7. He shuddered when he remembered how disappointed she was that he decided to go elsewhere for employment… away from her… for a year… away from her… someplace far away… AWAY FROM HER… Yup, the things he did to make her happy after that were memories he wouldn't mind forgetting forever.

Oh hell… alright, so maybe he was a manwhore, but that didn't justify the old man accusing him of sleeping around, even if he did!

Wait, did that make sense?

Who cares!

"Dammit, I am not going to seduce any of your kunoichi, if anything it's going be the other way around!"

Sarutobi spun around and pointed an accusing finger right at the boy's face. "That's exactly why young man! There are going to be some very insistent women in the village who are going to stop at nothing to try and get you into their beds. It is your responsibility to say no and fend off their sexual assaults!

"I try!" Ranma cried out, and he had to fight to keep from bursting into tears. "It's not my fault that all the women threaten me into submission! They're fuckin' scary!" Botan especially, how was he supposed to argue with someone who could sneak access to the list of when and how people died? He shuddered when he recalled what she said one day, 'Alive or dead, it doesn't matter to me what form you're in when you make love to me as long as you make love to me, got it bub!'

The Hokage shook his head sadly as Ranma curled up on the ground and rocked back and forth. He could understand the reasoning though, women of all shapes and sizes were scary as hell. The young man couldn't be blamed for things that he had no control over, despite the fact that it did seem to be entirely his fault.

"Be warned, there will be quite a few women who might decide to pursue you during your stay here, no matter the cost." Most definitely was going to be Anko, perhaps Kurenai as well. Not to mention if some of the rumors were true then the pigtailed boy had no problem with the age barrier so that meant Tsunade might get involved as well if she ever came back to the village.

Speaking of age…

"Ranma-san, while I have no real problem with you starting a relationship with women, I will absolutely not stand for you seducing underaged girls, do you understand?" Sarutobi ended with a glare that could freeze over lava.

Ranma shot up like a rocket and instantly appeared right in the Hokage's face. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean! Just because I've slept with a few women here and here, that doesn't mean I would ever start anything with a little girl! I have morals and self-respect, Jii-san!"

Sarutobi quirked an eyebrow. "Is that right? According to Cologne, her great-granddaughter and several others caught you and a very young girl engaging in what could only be called animal-like behavior."

Ranma's anger deflated like a balloon as he recalled that day. He knew it was a bad idea to accept Hinako-sensei's 'special' graduation present that she could only give to him in private, but he didn't even get a chance to decline before he was knocked unconscious from a sudden lack of ki. When he finally woke up that little vampire teacher was doing something to him that wasn't very ethical or professional; okay it was very professional, only in the manner that a hooker would be behaving in. Much to his horror, Hinako shrunk to her younger age in the middle of the act and well… let's just say his reputation for college life became that much more notorious after that day.

"Okay, I can totally explain that, but it's gonna be hard to take in. Just trust me when I say this, I have never had nor will I ever have personal relations with anyone younger than what is absolutely appropriate."

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but be assured that I will be keeping an eye on how you interact with my genins." Sarutobi bluntly stated.

Ranma nodded, completely understanding. "Alright, fair enough but can I say something in my defense now?"

"Yes."

The martial artist dove to hug the old man's legs and began shouting deliriously. "It's not my fault that all women want to take advantage of me! You gotta believe me, Jii-san! Those women just won't leave me alone, they're all crazy, and horny, and lonely, and desperate! They're all desperate old hags! It's not my fault! It's not my fault!"

The Hokage sweatdropped as the boy continued to babble away. He had a feeling this was going be one long, long year filled with countless headaches.

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Author's Comments (R&R)

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Okay, I feel that I have to apologize for several things. First was the amount of time it took for this chapter to come to fruition, this was actually done a while back but I was too busy wondering if I should add on everything I had in mind or just cut it off here and turn this into a full story. In the end I felt it was easier to just turn this into a story rather than turn this into a 50,000 word one shot.

Second is the ending, I needed to create a new ending after deciding to cut this chapter short so this was made at the last second. I tried to do with it what I can but I still feel like it was too rushed, so sorry all.

Anyway, this isn't necessarily going to be final product for my story's first chapter. This is more like a blueprint as to what I want it to, like Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse becoming teachers to the Rookie 9, the Narutoverse being in another dimension. Other than that, I'm not sure what else from this chapter will make it into the final product.

It's probably gonna be a while before I turned out a real story anyway since I don't know how to write Ranma into the Narutoverse without him being overpowered. His physical statistics seem to be just too high for anyone in Naruto to really handle. I mean there are some jutsus that can do a lot of widespread damage, but Ranma has experience fighting people who can dish out attacks of that level in Cologne, Happosai, Asura Rouge, Kumon Ryuu, Herb, Saffron, and a few others I think.

So when I do write this story, it probably isn't going to involve Ranma as a fighter, rather he's gonna be more of a teacher influencing the Naruto world through his words and actions instead of his fists. I mean everyone already knows Ranma kicks that much ass. Do we really need to read another story where he dominates any and all challengers?

So, this was it…

Next chapter is going to be a crossover that I don't think anyone has ever done before, involving lots and lots of Fairies.

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Now for the list of cameos in this story; there was a single mention of Detective Conan. I also included the name of two schools from other works of fiction, and that is Mahora Academy from Negima and the Hogwarts School from Harry Potter. Tsu-chan is Aoyama Tsuruko from Love Hina, but that was blatantly obvious. Genkai is from Yuyu Hakusho. Netero, Killua, and Izumi are from Hunter x Hunter.

I have to apologize for one more thing and that was essentially turning the ending into a harem-type Ranma fanfiction, I thought I've outgrown this phase but I guess I was wrong. The list of women he slept with is my personal preferences for romantic interests in those particular Ranma crossovers. Set-chan is Meiou Setsuna from Sailor Moon. Ryoko and Washu are from Tenchi Muyo. Hild, Urd, Peorth, and Skuld are from Oh My Goddess. Mana and Evangeline are from Negima. Botan is from Yuyu Hakusho.

I don't know if I missed any other cameo mentions I wrote, but if I did I'd appreciate someone telling me.

As with everything else in this story, none of the above mentioned characters belongs to me, only to their respective authors.


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